Redefine, Renew, & Recover

Soo...

2012-02-04T21:14:00.003-05:00

Maybe not back with a vengence but I am working on a *fiction all week. Just no privacy around here right now. Works been busy. Crazy, exciting, and a learning experiance all around. Still kinda missing Hermes... jerk... I want to talk but he seems to brush it aside, maybe I really was nothing more than someone to fill a 5 week friendship with...

@Jack and Jill... I don't care how many entries you write that aren't totally yours. I read them all. I may not comment but its because I am reading in small boxes not meant for anyone's eyes but my own.

I promise I will post a new blog soon. Promise... I got things to get out and off my chest.

WILL?? WHERE ARE YOU???

Again, I thought I would be a good blogger for awhile. Trust me, I'm coming back. Soon.

Good Parents

2012-01-19T22:34:00.002-05:00

Some days I am reassured that my children are being raised properly. I of course can not take all of the credit, My husabnd does a huge role, and my live in grandmother is a big help too. It takes a village to raise children and therefore my children are raised well... how do I know? Good Question...

I get home from work today and as I am making dinner... a dinner we all sit around the table and eat... my daughter (6 years old) walks up to me...

Mommy... I'm sad...

Why baby?

Well, there is a kid in my class... he said he is poor...

What does poor mean? ( seeing if she understands)

It means he doesn't have any money... He said he only has one set of clothes to wear to school

DOes he wear the same thing everyday?

Yes mom, and it makes me sad, can we buy him some clothes...?

That is my daughter in a nutshell... She has a big heart and is very giving, nonetheless
I am writing a letter to the teacher asking if I can but some clothes for this little boy... From a 6 year old who you think may not get it... She does, and she is gonna change the world... just wait.

2012-01-19T11:14:00.002-05:00

The week is almost over and I have accomplished not much of anything. Atlas and I went and checked out a movie last night, a weekday date night which seemed appropriate becuase he seems to be going batty in the house ( he's on vacation). Saw contraband... it was good, imagine Gone in 60 econds and The Italian Job have a baby... it would of been contraband. good flick if you have the time to make it to the movies, otherwise a must check out for Redbox.

All flirtations aside, there seems to be an uneasiness between Hermes and I now? I am not sure where it all stems from but it makes me sad. Other news is... I got an email from an old friend the other day which made my day. Glad he's doing well, and hope we can make time to chat again ;)

The weekend looks uneventful as the week has been. Hang around the house, get some stuff done here. I will be in touch with hopefully, more stories... or smething to entertain everyone... which seems to be a lot more people stopping by the blog and checking it out, just no one following or making comments... so lurkers... leave me a comment or something exciting.

Miss this?

2012-01-17T21:40:00.003-05:00

Out for drinks... my crossed legs between your open legs as we sit on bar stools facing eachother. The bar is full but to us there is no one else in the room... our laughter fills the room and our attraction is obvious...

As we are walking out, you not only open the door as I walk through but you also place your hand in the small of my back leading me towards your truck...I melt into your touch

Inside the truck we laugh and joke, buzzing off our hormones and alcohol...

Back and the hotel I ask if you want to come to my room for some drinks, the night isnt over quite yet is it?

In the elevator I am not sure if it is you or I who moves first but we are on eachother, pressed against the back wall, mouth to mouth,our tounges probing into the others mouth for the first time. your hand sliding down my thigh, my hands holding your face to mine... All I could think was to gasp for the breathe you stole away...

We exit the elevator and hand in hand can't make it to the door quick enough, stumbling, fumbling, laughing, not thinking about the morning...

The door opens and we fall inside shutting it behind us, instantly we are at eachother again, the newness taking every breathe we take... I am at the buttons on your shirt as you pull mine over my head. You pause to look at me, and smile in approval (something i haven't seen in so long)As you kiss my neck, my back pressed up against the wall, I start to undo your belt... There's a slight pause...

Are ou sure you want to do this?

Fuck yes! Let's go.

I run my hands over your chest as I pull your shirt off and you reach around me to unhook my bra. I am kissing your neck, you have my leg drawn up against you pressed to the wall, I can barely stand the excitment... Onto the bed we go... You are standing in front of me.. I finish pulling off your pants and you lean down to reach for mine... As you unbutton and unzip them I lift my hips off the bed allowing you to pull them off of me. The ultimate go ahead move. As we both stand there with barely anything on, we take the moment in... This is what has been missing isn't it?

I reach up and pull your face to mine, the taste of your kiss new, the feel of your back as I run my nails down it is incredible... The weight of your body on top of me, against me, something I never experianced... It takes my breathe away just imagining it.

Of course... there is more, this is not a true story but something that was discussed... the new exciting feeling that is missing from everyday life... The feeling of someone new undoing your belt, or unhooking your bra. The way you never forget the way someone's lips feel against yours or the way their tounge feels over your skin. How would my leg feel in your hand or how would my breast feel to you as it was pressed against your chest...

Miss it? Hell Yes... I get a lot of " we are married take your own clothes off..." Blah... I think I will keep em on, thanks.

Story

2012-01-16T23:01:00.003-05:00

*** Strictly my side, of the story***

We talked online, we knew on a very basic level who each other were. I knew on a basic level that this was someone I could relate with in a world that was not going to be any fun. Everyone needs a battle buddy. Misery loves company.

He said he could pick me up at the airport in a strange town. A strange man pick me up in a strange place... should I take my chances? I did. We texted back and forth, and he said he would be sitting there when I landed... He was. Jeans, a ball cap, cell phone in hand to look busy, a nice smile and calm dark eyes, waiting and when I walked up he took my heaviest bag out of my hand....

We walked to his car and he opened the door on my side, perhaps to put the bag in, perhaps to open that side first to be the southren gentleman I later learned he was, it didn't matter... I could tell right away that he was someone I would enjoy being around.

We instantly started a conversation. Leaving shyness and uneasiness at the door... we talked the ENTIRE 50 minute ride, before he dropped me off...

15 minutes after he dropped me off, the power went out where I was... I was seconds from calling him... asking him to pick me up and let me stay in the hotel with him...

I didn't... I didn't trust myself... I didn't want to put him in an uncomfortable situation...

Hermes... That is how we met (Glad you like the name, jack and jill I do too, :))

I read a book

2012-01-16T21:52:00.002-05:00

Yes, you heard it, from start to finish and it had nothing to do with Nursing school. I may also mention I started this book yesterday at noon and finished just minutes ago. It was Lone Survivor, a book about Operation Redwing, written by Marcus Luttrel the sole survivor when his SEAL team was ambushed in Afganistan. INCREDIBLE story! Amazing! Must read if you haven't.

Other than that, nothing new really. No new juicy emails. LOL.Kind of sad about it, hopefully I have at least something when I get to work tomorrow morning. He said he is okay with emailing me at work but not at home... hmmm... I have had a blog for 3 years without anyone knowing about it I am pretty sure I can keep a few emails quiet. Unless he is worried about the smile I had plastered on my face while I was reading them... damn...

Anyone know what happened to Will? I haven't heard from him and saw he hasn't been posting much...

But it was a nice day to curl up with a good book, enjoy a nice LONG relaxing bath, and some quality family time. Its back to work tomorrow, Oh what will the day bring. Good Night all.

That's how its GOT to be?

2012-01-15T11:23:00.002-05:00

Had a nice day yesterday, had some friends over with their children to watch the UFC fight and it was a really nice time had by all. Good food, food fights, good conversation. Things are starting to get settled in here, starting to get more normal I guess.

I am feeling kind of down today, I declared today a Jama day for the kids and I meaning we don't change out of our pajamas, no leaving the house, just kind of veg and do some stuff here to take care of ourselves. I plan on filling up the tub and taking a long bath in the jets and enjoy some quality alone me time.

I recieved some news that kind of dampened my mood... Hermes doesn't really want to interfere with me... yeah well that's how it sounds. He thinks that perhaps he is the reason that Atlas and I have been having some difficult times. ITs difficult for me to get it all out there I think. He's not our problem, I think I am more our problem...

I know that our tifs, and arguments have all stemmed from something much deeper and bigger than this situation. There is just so much more to me than being a mom, and a wife. I miss the person I was so much. Being away from home allowed me to get back to me. To enjoy being me, to smile and laugh and not have to worry about impressing anyone because, hell if you don't like me there, chances are good I won't deal with you ever again.

Here's the kicker... people kinda liked the person that I am. I feel like I actually made some friends instead of the aquantainces from college or Atlas' friends wives (99 percent of which I can't stand). I am hard on women, I have a very high standard of what I want in a (girl)friend. I have a person like that in my life that fullfills that need, and I only talk to her once every 3 months or as needed. While I was there I was able to tell people stories and have them actually listen not just wait for thier turn to talk.

Now I am home, and life is.. back to usual, but I brought a little bit of ME back. I am not as shy and passive aggressive as I was. Perhaps therein falls the new issues that Atlas and I are having. I don't let him get his way everytime, I invited MY friends over and made him hang out with them. I am doing what I have to do first instead of what every has to do and staying up late to finish what I need to do. Its about time that someone put me first... and I am just the person to do it.

Saturday Blah

2012-01-14T15:45:00.003-05:00

I went to bed too late, was up too early. Having a few people over the house tonight hopefully for some fun... Had an interesting night... had a few drinks played on the computer, talked to Hermes a bit via email. It was nice, to feel somewhat normal.

Woke up early and went and picked up a few things at the store, cleaned house, put stuff away, cleaned, now I am gonna go and starting cooking some food for later. I am minorly perfectionistic and I like things to be just so... perhaps that is why I am always pulled in 8000000 directions. I want to have my hands in a little of everything, I know if I do it, that it will be done correctly. I just wanted to touch base, get my voice heard... I am happy today. I am smiling...

Maybe not a Vengence... but back kind of:)

2012-01-13T22:28:00.004-05:00

Okay, I have been working a lot and Atlas is on vacation which is making computer time.. eh... private computer time slim to NONE! WOW. So... here I am. Its late, a few glasses of wine in and I am feeling good, and comfortable...

For starters... I miss my mom... A LOT... like I pick up my phone everyday to call her... A LOT...

Next, I have a crush on said boy... silly silly girl. I know, I know, how funny. I think about him a lot, get excited to see an email from him ( yes reduced to email because Atlas is monitoring my phone and facebook). I just don't know if its mutual... and truly its not like it matters. I like feeling like this. I smile to myself and have no real reason why. I think I should give boy a name here... Let's call him... Hermes...

Next... I am emailing Hermes on the email account set up for this blog... The blog I have had for years that Atlas doesn't know about... Is that sneaky? Too sneaky? I mean I am not moving in any direction, its an outlet... hmmmm... Does it make me a bad person to feel this way because he is married or because I am married. We never acted on anything, we were both on far better behavior than 99 percent of people on a silimar situation would of been. But now, the emailing, the sneaking, the flirting... is it completely wrong or is it just normal. I won't lie, not on here at least, I am crushing on him, I miss his company... I miss him.

Next, I guess I missed the end of HNT? Oh man! I had some great ideas for the new year... I may need to find a new outlet? or just post some pictures as I go...

I will try more tomorrow, I am tired and gonna go to bed for tonight.

Back with a Vengence ;)

2012-01-10T05:50:00.005-05:00

So I am back to blogging. I have moved to a new state and am working on settling into the next step, the next chapter so to say. 2012 will be a better year, it will be a year of that changes and a year of growing.

Story? Yes please.

I was away for 5 weeks, during this time away I met a boy. In situations like ours misery loves company so we stuck together. We had both been through very similar situations in the past, we knew what to expect, we got along, and we became friends. At times during training we were almost inseparable. He is married, children, all the things that go with that. He made no attempt to hide the fact that he was married and neither did I. We talked (slightly) about our spouses but more about our kids. We spent hours driving around, just the two of us. We were friends... are friends? We flirted... I think? There were situations that could of led themselves in any direction. Where did they all lead? To our separate rooms, down the hall from each other. I would lay in my bed, facing the ceiling wondering what he was thinking. How far would I allow things to go if he would make the first move. LOL... I know how lame right?

We would talk about what we were getting our spouses for Christmas, and our kids... we went out drinking one night, we stumbled back to our rooms, and sent a few random texts back and forth. It was nice to have that there. I miss it... I miss him.

Since I have been home, Atlas and I have fought, we fought while I was gone too. It was a new situation for both of us. I was never the one to leave home, he didn't deal well with it. He did so well with the kids and the house and getting us ready to move, and getting ready for the holidays but he didn't do well with me. He would get angry at me that I was gone, he was overly jealous, and mean about it... at one point calling me a heartless bitch on the phone. We had one big blow up once I got home, I sent a text message on Christmas, to said boy, to say merry christmas, ask how things were going, that was it, nothing weird funny or persausive... Atlas left... he left on Christmas, he didn'y come back till the next afternoon... I was mad, I didn't do anything wrong... I didnt deserve to be treated this way. Still even this morning he was online checking my phone usage on the website...

This is a start, there is more to it, but I have to go and start getting ready for work. I just wanted to get this out there... I will continue sooner than later.

I'm Baaacck

2011-12-24T08:45:00.001-05:00

I got some good stories to tell to but that will have to wait till after the Holidays!!! Merry Christmas all! It's good to be home.

Veteran's Day

2011-11-11T09:53:00.002-05:00

I am a veteran... I have been serving my country for over a quarter of my life. Tomorrow I am going to take my bags and get on a plane and leave my family and my little ones for longer than most people can imagine being apart over work... but that's why I do this job... I do it because other people don't, won't , or can't. I am proud of my job, my country and my accomplishments. I don't ask that you feel bad for me, I have chosen this life, I have volunteered for it and I love it. Keep in mind not just today, that veteran's are not always the people who wear the uniforms. The families of these people sacrifice so much for our country that most civilians never will truly understand the dedication of the spouses, mothers, fathers, families, siblings and children that keep a watch light on, and a weathered eye on the horizon. It is because of their dedication, and their support and their love, that soldiers, sailors, marines and airmen around the world can do their job... and it is those soldiers sailors marines and airmens dedication to their job that allow their families to sleep soundly at night knowing a veteran stands the watch.

Happy Veteran's Day! I am not sure if I will post again before I leave. If I don't. I will talk to you all again before Christmas, because I WILL be home for Christmas ;)

TMI Tuesday: Conspicuous Luxury

2011-11-08T07:15:00.002-05:00

TMI Tuesday: Conspicuous Luxury

This week’s TMI Tuesday was the idea of http://virtualsin.wordpress.com/

Jack's Answers

1. Do you have a set of dishes that are used for special occassions (e.g. china)? Yes or no. If yes, how often do you use the special dishes?

a. any day because every day is special

b. once a week

c. only for holidays and celebration

d. never, it is displayed in a china cabinet or collecting dust in a box in the attic

No Special dishes here. I have small children and they are not practical. We did not have a big wedding... as I may have mentioned before we just kind of ran off and got married on our own. I have 3 separate sets of dishes and for special occasions such as holidays when I am feeding 20+ people at a time, it is usually a hodgepodge of different dishes and silver.

2. Do have clothes that you never wear because you are saving them for a special occasion? What is that item of clothing? What would be the appropriate occasion?

Again, not really. I am a very basic jeans and t-shirt, or sweat shirt kind of girl. Its pretty rare that I get dressed up or save a specific piece of clothing for an occasion. I have in the past attended many balls and events where floor length gowns were appropriate so I have had them in my closet, but usually after 1 wear they move on.

3. If you suddenly became very wealthy, which servants would you employ?

a. cleaning service

b. housekeeper

c. cook

d. valet/maid/lady-in-waiting

e. chauffeur

f. dog-walker

g. other

I have spoke with Atlas in the past of hiring a housekeeper just because I was almost too busy at the time to keep up. That would probably be one of the first people that I would hire. I would hire a nanny too. God love my children but sometimes I need a break and a nanny would be awesome. I would hire a cook for some things but I still enjoy cooking so maybe that would be a part time investment. I don't ride around in cars too much so a chauffeur would be a waste of time, and my dogs walk themselves ;)

4. If you were wealthy, how many homes would you own? Where? (locations–mountains, tropical places for the winter, foreign country/city)

I find this question kind of amusing for the simple fact I just bought my second house... which is on the beach. My first home is out in the country on a nice plot of land and is a large log cabin... so It seems as though although I am not wealthy... I have all the homes I need for right now. When Atlas and I leave the beach I am sure we will buy another home at our next location... for us, with dogs and kids, it is easier and cheaper to buy a home than find someone who is willing to rent to us.

5. If you were going to take on a really expensive hobby, which of these would it be?

a. buy an airplane

b. buy a yacht

c. buy a small winery

d. raise exotic animals
Hm, an expensive hobby. I love to hunt and fish so I would probably go with something like that. Travel and hunt and fish in new locations... and yes that gets expensive. A trip up to Alaska to hunt Elk or Moose can cost upwards of 10K... a tuna charter to go out for the CHANCE to catch a bluefin tuna in Massachusetts can cost up to 1000 dollars for 6 hours. So... although I would love to travel I need something to actively be doing and seeing while traveling and getting out into nature and truly appreciating it for what it is would be my hobby of choice.

6. What kind of car would you buy if you had an unlimited budget?

a. expensive sports car

b. luxury car

c. monster truck

d. expensive hybrid or electric car

e. cheap car (I’d be too nervous driving an expensive car).

f. something for the chauffeur to drive me around in

Again, I kind of chuckled. I just bought my car of choice this past year, I have a 2011 yellow and white 2SS Camaro. I love it ! I also have 2 practical everyday use vehicles, a big pick up and an SUV... So I think I would stick with the cars I already have. Maybe trade the 2011 Camaro in for the 2012 ZL1 Camaro... maybe I would do that without unlimited funds though ;)

Bonus: Currently, what is your favorite luxury item or decadent thing that you do?

I am not sure. I enjoy the car... but probably my house. Its Atlas and I's dream house and there is very few things that I would trade it in for. I am very happy with the things that I have, I am not too much for luxury but every once in awhile I enjoy nice things.

Getting ready to go

2011-11-07T18:01:00.003-05:00

Have you ever had to leave you significant other/spouse for a semi significant amount of time? How did you handle things on the lead up to it, and what happened. This isn't the first time Atlas and I will be separated by many miles for longer than a month but this is the first time that I am the one who is leaving.

Usually leading up to the separation it goes in phases, most people are very clingy, then try to be very intimate, then usually fight and get angry and then things calm right before they leave. This is a normal response because you know its coming and you are really looking for a reason not to miss the other person.

Its truly stupid thinking but that is what happens with most people. Atlas and I are not most people. We haven't changed a thing. We are the same happy go lucky couple today that we were at the beginning of the year. Its the the back of our minds... and in front of our eyes all the time. I have my suitcase out and my travel paperwork on my bed stand. Saturday is coming whether we are ready or not.

I am ready to go. I just want to go and get it over with, come home and enjoy the holidays. This year won't be the same, its really going to be a difficult holiday season. My one sister is not coming home from Florida, my mom won't be here, and my other sister is not the girl that she was last year.... Its as though everything has changed. Last Christmas was the first time in a long time my sisters and I were all in the same house together, it was the last time we were all able to be together with my mom. Crazy isn't it?

I will be packing up and getting out of town 2 days after Christmas this year. Atlas and I will be starting our new life down in Virginia very soon... Looking forward to a new year and a new start.

I have not mentally prepared myself to be away from my little ones for 5 weeks. I am nervous about not being with my kids more than I am going to training and being apart from Atlas. I guess we will see soon how it all works out. I bet he appreciates me a lot more when I come home.

TMI Tuesday

2011-10-25T07:34:00.002-04:00

Not related.

1. Name 5 things you did more of before social networking (facebook, myspace, twitter, etc.)?

~Called people on the phone
~Read more books
~UNIntentionally ignored people I went to high school with, Now i do it with a purpose.
~Slept more
~Cared more about people... social networking really just proves again how much people suck and it makes me sad.

2. Your house is on fire, what do you grab as you run out?

My kids. That is a silly one! You mean aside from them though? probably my camera because I have 2700 pictures on it I am too lazy to take off.

3. Are you a morning person or a night owl?
Used to be a night owl because of some insomia problems but a trip to the doctor has returned me and my sleep cycle into a morning person and I LOVE it!

a. What time did you go to bed last night?

Halftime of the Monday Night football game while the Ratbirds were getting their asses handed to them.

b. What time did you wake up today?

Much earlier than I usually do. I woke up laying on my stomach to the feel of Atlas kneeling behind me pulling my shorts down. It was a GOOD way to wake up.

4. A kid comes up to you and kicks you in the shin, what do you do?

Punch them in the face... initial reaction... But really I would find out who this shitty kid's parents are and probably go punch them in the face because its THEIR fault society is gonna suck more than it already does.

5. What three things do you never leave the house without?

~Keys
~cellphone
~Ipod

Bonus: Name a place that you visited last week that you’ve never visited before. Briefly tell us about the visit.

No where? I have been staying really close to home lately. My days are consisting of visiting my sister and my grandmother, household chores, trips to walmart and droping off bags of stuff to goodwill as I am cleaning and organizing everything preparing for the move to Virginia.
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How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

Happy TMI Tuesday!

TMI Tuesday

2011-10-18T08:30:00.003-04:00

1. “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours”…What is it that you will show me?
Probably attitude. I am all for treating people the way you would like them to treat you so if you are acting a fool I am going to treat you like a fool. The same goes for if you are a bitch I will be a bitch to you, if you are ignorant I will treat you as such and if you act like a small child, I will treat you like one of mine, and trust me I am a lot stricter parent than 95 percent of people I know.

2. What was the last thing you regret buying?

I do not often buy a lot of things for myself. When I do go shopping it is for something that we need. I regret buying some books, I have tried to read " Eat, Pray, Love" three times and have not made it past Italy... So that was a waste of money that just sits on my book shelf and when someone sees it and goes "OH what a great Book" I can't even agree because I didn't even make it a third of the way through it.

3. How happy are you? 1 = not happy at all to 5 = very happy

Truly depends on the day. On average I am a 4-5. I am extremely happy with my life, I just have a lot of stress recently and it is just now starting to works its way out. I am working out again on a regular basis so that really is helping with the stress level.

4. Last night, what did you go to bed thinking about?

Sex, its usually what I think about before going to bed. Unfortunately I was too tired to really make a move so I just simply asked Atlas to cuddle with me for awhile thinking it might lead to something else... it didn't but I woke up feeling much more refreshed.

5. Tell us something that made you happy this past week or made you think “that’s cool!”

My sister saying " I love you" and "bye" for the first time since her accident. I was there I heard it and it made me cry, happy tears of course. This from a girl the doctors told us had no brain activity and would never breathe on her own. The moral of the story, never lose faith... Believe like nothing is impossible.

Bonus: What is your favorite mark of punctuation? Why?

Oh this is funny and I have the same answer as Will! I overuse the Ellipsis (...) in my writing. I tend to write how I speak and I often leave a lot of pauses and allow my conversational partner a chance to speak. I also do this too much when I am "chatting" online, anyone that chats with me probably notices that... its like my thoughts just kind of trail off or I am patiently waiting for someone to say something... maybe not so patiently.

Disappointing

2011-10-14T13:05:00.003-04:00

I'm not leaving after all. At least not until next month now but that isn't what I am disappointed in. People. People in general disgust me. My family...erg... my extended family has been torn into shambles in the last few months. My mom being sick and passing and my sister's car accident and her severe traumatic brain injury has really shown me things about my family that I do not like anymore.

As a child you think that everyone is good and that people are there to help you then as an adult you see people suck and generally want to help themselves. This is what I am bitching about. My grandmother, my mother's mother, moved in with me when I moved back into the area. After 3 years of living with me and my children she moved home to be with her daughter while she was sick. My mother lived in my grandmother's home, so did my sister. So now neither of them are there and my grandmother is in this house, a two story house that she can barely go up and down the stairs.

We live in Pennsylvania and there is no heat in the house right now. My mother used a wood burner and this is just impractical for my grandmother because she can barely walk let alone carry wood in and load the wood burner watch it burn close the damper take care of it ect ect ect. So my grandmother is staying in a house in 50 degree weather with no heat. There is also a leak in the foundation so every 3 days after it rains the entire basement is soaked with water. and 3 days after that the mold continues to grow.

Its sick. I am sick to my stomach over it and there is nothing I can do. I bought a house in Virginia with the idea that my grandmother can come and stay with me, she had lived with me for the last 3 years why not now. Everything on one floor, kitchen, bathroom, laundry her room, living room... but she won't leave here because she has my mother's dogs.

Okay, we need to get rid of the dogs, its a fair argument. Here is the part that annoys me, I talk to my grandmother this morning ask her how she is doing " I'm cold" well no shit you are its 45 degrees outside. So I call her back at noon to make sure she is up and moving and I tell her she needs to call someone and have them look at her chimney today or do something because next week there are snow flurries in the forecast. She goes on to tell me she has no money, that everyone wants her to do something else and she just has no money for it right now. I tell her I am calling my uncle who is a contracter. I call his wife " I am concerned that gram doesn't have any heat and its going to snow next week"
" why doesn't she have any heat" REALLY? REALLY? You are over there twice a week and you don't know how she doesn't have any heat? So I explain all of that to her. She says something along the lines of we will go over and see her tonight and see what she needs.

So, she goes on to say, gram needs to get rid of the dogs and sell the house. YES I agree and she can move in with me. "She would never move away from everyone"...

AWAY FROM WHO? From my mother who lived with her who is dead? My sister who lived with her who is now living with my dad because she needs 24/7 care that she can not provide? To the son and daughter who live a mile away but don't realize their mother does not have heat and is living in a moldy house? The other daughter who calls every three weeks? or the other son who only calls when he has something to bitch about to make her feel bad? I'm just sick over it. I am not doing this selfishly, I gain nothing by having her move with me. I want her to be somewhere where she is with a family, where we love her and can care for her. She needs someone to help her do regular things. She doesn't cook or clean...

What do I do? I want to wash m hands of the situation, and not care, and pretend that I know nothing about what is going on but I can't do that. Every time someone tells me that I am wrong for wanting her to be with me, I feel even worse. Before my mom got sick gram was going to come with me, no questions asked, she has nothing here to keep her here really... but I am the bad person who wanting better for her, I'm the bad one for complaining about the conditions she is living in.

If you wouldn't live there why should we expect/ALLOW her to? I would not sit in a moldy cold room day after day... but I am the only one that seems to care that she is living in deplorable conditions.

Leaving on a Jet Plane

2011-10-11T10:40:00.001-04:00

So I will be leaving this week to go do some training. I will be without computer and internet for approximately 5 weeks. So I will not be blogging but will probably be able to answer emails. During this time I am going to make the blog private for the simple reason that I am not around to monitor it. So please, stick around I will be back... I will be going private towards the end of the week. Thanks!

HNT on Tops and Bottoms ( sorry no post its)

2011-10-06T08:22:00.003-04:00

TMI: Breaking up is hard to do

2011-10-04T08:14:00.003-04:00

1. What’s the worst reason you have been given for breaking up?

My first real boyfriend broke up with me, for the first time my sophomore year of high school, a month after my grandfather died, and 3 days after my house burned down. He said that it was because he could not deal with all of my emotions. So... I am near break down levels and this kid decides that he can't handle emotions... we had been together for over a year too. A few days later he asked me if it would be okay for him to go on a date with some senior girl or if I didn't think it was a good idea... I obviously didn't think it was a good idea, and that girl jumped me at lunch a few days later. As I was kneeling on her chest ready to throw a punch my track coach came up behind me and picked me up off her and took me in another room. I did not get in trouble, and I got to run in the meet the next day. The girl was suspended. It was one of those stupid high school relationships where we were together on and off for the next 2 years.

2. What’s the worst reason you gave, to someone, for breaking up?

I ever told someone? Probably nothing, I just stopped answering my phone every time this one boy called me. I didn't like him, it wasn't that I didn't see a future with us, I didn't see a present with us.

3. Have you ever engineered the end of a relationship e.g doing something you know will put the other person off? If yes, what did you do?

I did. I went and hung out with an ex to get my current boyfriend to leave me alone. Happened that the same night I was hanging out with my ex, the current boyfriend was in a car accident and called me 30 times, while I didn't answer. I felt really bad about it because he was a really nice kid, had a great job and a nice car... but I wasn't really after those things then. I just wanted someone to have fun with and he wasn't fulfilling the fun quota.

4. Have you ever stayed with a partner just because you could not bear to end it?

Again, that silly high school boyfriend thing. I stayed long long LONG after I should of. My mother was extremely strict so when I would have to be home for the night he would drop me off and go to parties. I should of stopped then. But even after we had broken up we continued to have sex on a regular basis and it was horrible sex at that because there was no feelings behind it, when it was over I was glad to get up and move on to the next thing I "had" to do that day.

5. Have you ever encouraged a friend to end a relationship? What happened? Are you still friends?

Eh... guilty. I encouraged my best friend to end a relationship with a boy who I had been friends with since we were little. I encouraged this because I was jealous probably, but more because the boy and I spent a lot of time together alone and because things were progressing between us. We spent a lot of time together, fishing, and sitting around a fire, swimming in lakes, doing what normal high school kids do in rural areas... It is one probably the only relationship I have in my life that I look at and wonder what could have been. We are still friends, he and his wife just had their second child last year but when we hug sometimes, you can tell that there is more there. The girl? Yes we are still friends, She was my best friend and she didn't really like him, the were exact opposites, and I think they started dating simply because they had me in common.

Bonus: Have you ever been the cause of a relationship to end? Tell us about it.

I have, and then I was mostly intentional, I know I was a horrible person, but I was also a young stupid girl, and when it came to boys I usually got what I wanted. So although I may have been the cause of a few relationships ending, I am fairly sure that most of them got back together after I was done with it. It sounds mean and spiteful and horrible... and maybe I was that person then looking back now, but at the time it was all in good fun and I never saw the pain that I know now that I probably caused. I apologize to any girls who's boyfriend I may have borrowed... but it swear it was all in good fun.

How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

Happy TMI Tuesday!

Feeling Frisky

2011-10-03T12:48:00.001-04:00

Who wants to play? ooOooOOo I do I do, pick me pick me!

Sunday Stealing ( on Monday)

2011-10-03T08:35:00.009-04:00

This is stolen from Jack and Jill over at Frisky in the 916... I'm having a hard time linking anything this morning so check them out if you get a chance. Thanks for the inspiration!

1. Can you cook?

I Sure Can! I cook almost everyday right now since I am home but once I start working again full time I usually return to cooking full meals 4 times a week with enough for left overs on the other days. Atlas is the professionally trained chef but I do the majority of the cooking in the house.

2. What was your dream growing up?

Not really sure what my dream was. To be happy I think. A lot of my childhood was spent in turmoil and viewing relationships that were not good examples of what I wanted. So I think I just wanted to get away from home and to be happy. My dream of happiness and love and comfort and being able to take care of myself has been very much attained.

3. What talent do you wish you had?

Playing an instrument. I am going to learn. Its the next thing on the bucket list. I just have to pick out what I want to play.

4. Favorite place?

Favorite place? I enjoy being at home. I love my house, I love my room, and when its quiet its the best place on earth.

5. Favorite vegetable?

I eat all kinds of vegetables. If I had to choose just one I don't know what I would pick. I like cooked spinach. I like it alone, I like it creamed, I like it in dips, I like it in eggs, in salads... Yes that would have to be my favorite.

6. What was the last book you read.

Something Nursing and Testing related, boring and annoying.

7. What zodiac sign are you?

Scorpio.

8. Any Tattoos and/or Piercings?

My ears are pierced, I have 3 holes in each but usually only wear two per. My belly button and eyebrow were pierced in high school and I took them out shortly after graduating. I have 3 tattoos, One on my hip that I got when I was 18, one on my hand that I got when I was 21, and one on my right calf I got two months ago.

9. Worst Habit?

Procrastinating. I should be studying right now but this seemed so much more fun. Then I should study and I will go do housework or start dinner... its always something.

10. Do you personally know anybody on Blog?
No, not personally, some people I know a little more than their blog but even that isn't much. I would love to know some of the people on here on a more personal level. Maybe someday.

11. What is your favorite sport?

Favorite sport to play? Basketball. I played all through high school, I love the athleticism of it and the sweat and the close contact and aggression. To watch I am a die hard football fan but my heart lies in hockey. It just such a tough sport, the skate and handle a puck with all the padding is incredible to me then add hitting and fighting and scoring and its damn near an art form.

12. Negative or Optimistic attitude?

Overly Optimistic.I always see a silver ling to everything and I don't see much point focusing on things that are out of our control. Worrying and stress never made anyone feel better.

13. What would you do if you were stuck in an lift with someone of the opposite sex?

Talk? LOL. I guess it would depend on who and how long we were there. I enjoy kissing maybe making out would be a good option.

14. Worst thing to ever happen to you?

See! The worst thing to happen to me? This summer all around has been fairly shitty. With my mom being sick and eventually passing and my sister's car accident, and everything else that happened along the way. However it didn't really happen to me, I was just an observer, I was connected genetically and emotionally to the entire situation so although it hurt, the physical pain and suffering of all the situations were not technically mine.

15. Tell me one weird fact about you:

I do not drink Milk... at all, I even eat cereal dry.

16. Do you have any pets?

3 large meat-head monster lap dogs. 3 Mastiffs... pets... more like horses.

17. Do you know how to do the macarena?

I do, but I haven't had to do it in a very very long time.

18. Is the sun shining where you are now?

No its cold and rainy here just like its been for the last 3 days. Its fall *sigh*

19. Do you think clowns are cute or scary?

Neither? I could really give or take them. They don't freak me out, but I don't really see the appeal of it either. I like stand up comedians because I like to laugh and they don't have to wear all that makeup to be funny.

20. If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?

I think most of the things that I didn't like that I could change I did change. I didn't like my teeth, I got them straightened. I didn't like wearing glasses all the time, I got LASIK. I didn't like the way my boobs looked after breastfeeding for 4 years straight so I got them "refiled". I am really comfortable and content with myself and what I have so I wouldn't change another thing.

21. Would you be my good angel or bad angel?

I good angel. I think in general most people just suck so I feel most people could use a good kick in the ass and pointed in the right direction every now and again.

22. What color eyes do you have?

Blue. Sometimes its a greyish ocean blue other times they are very dark blue.

23. Ever been married? Yes 7 years and counting.

24. Bottle or Draft?

Neither, I don't drink beer. I just don't like the taste. If I am out and drinking chances are I have a grey goose and cranberry in my hand or a captain and coke, or crown black and coke. If I'm drinking, I probably want a buzz and beer won't get me there because I have to choke it down.

25. If you won £10,000 today, what would you do with it?

Turn it into dollars and then take a vacation. Probably Bora Bora, that is looking like the next adventure.

26. What kind of bubble gum do you prefer to chew?

No gum, I am scared it will stick to my teeth and pull them out. I know unrealistic ideas but it all makes sense in my head alright?

27. What's your favorite bar to hang at?

Bar a mile from our house. Its got good music on the weekends and a small crowd of townies that are real people and enjoy having a good time.

28. Do you believe in ghosts?

Why not? I am fairly certain when I was young like 5, I saw a ghost in my bedroom. I pulled the covers over my head and called for my mom. I remember all of this fairly well so it must of made an impression on me.

29. Favorite thing to do in your spare time?

Sleep, play on the computer, Chat online.

30. Do you swear a lot?

Heh, Like a Fucking Sailor :)

31. Biggest pet peeve?

Chewing with your mouth open or talking with food in your mouth.

32. In one word, how would you describe yourself? Charismatic

33. In two words, how would you describe yourself? Coolest Ever

HNT Somtimes you need some Thrills....

2011-09-29T12:42:00.003-04:00

Sometimes my favorite thing in the world is to wear fancy lingerie under my everyday normal clothes. What a surprise it is ay night then when I strip down to get in the shower or to hop in bed. Surprise!

I stole this... thanks Will for some inspiration

2011-09-26T23:33:00.002-04:00

A. Age: I'm young enough to still admit to my real age. I'm 26. I have a birthday next month though, can't believe I am sliding downhill to 30 quickly! I am a very mature 26 though, been married for 7 years, been in my career for 7 years, have a degree and a half, two homes, and two kids. I have a full plate at all times.

B. Bed size: California King. Atlas is a big guy, and we spent the majority of the last 5 years with more than just us in the bed. ( Don't get all excited, and think wonderfully naughty thoughts... I was one of those crazy moms who let my children sleep with us)

C. Chore that you hate: Folding laundry. I will cook and clean, day in and day out, I love doing outdoor chores, anything, and I don't mind doing laundry or putting it away. Folding laundry just seems like such a waste of time because I am just going to put them back on in a day or two. *sigh* I should just be a nudist.

D. Dogs: Eh... I have 3 large, meat-head lap dogs. They are great pets, wonderful protectors, very loving but, I hate dog hair. I vacuum at least once a day... almost the entire house.

E. Essential start to your day: An alarm, I used to be so much better at waking up but college really ruined my "get up and go" mentality. Don't worry it will be back in a few weeks when I go back to working full time.

F. Favorite color: I really don't have a favorite color. I have colors I prefer for things, such as eyes-blue, teeth-white, hair-blonde... but a color I really just because it is a color... blue I guess.

G. Gold or Silver: Silver for jewelry, I own no yellow gold and do not think I ever will.

H. Height: 5'7"

I. Instruments you play: Nothing...yet. That is my next goal. Last goal was finish my degree, this one will be more fun, I am thinking either guitar or piano.

J. Job title: Mother, Wife, Goddess, Protector of your Freedom, Nurse, and so many more. None of which I get paid enough for.

K. Kids: I have two, a son and a daughter. They are the light of my life... other people's kids annoy the shit out of me. Some parents are just not doing a good job and it is obvious at a young age. When my 3 year old son holds the door for people at the store, or my 5 year old daughter goes back to help a little girl get off a ride at an amusement park I know I am doing a good job. What makes my kids tolerable and not yours? They do not talk back to me, they do not use the words, yea, uh-huh, yep, naw, nope, uh-uh, or hate, It must be yes or no and usually involves a ma'am or sir. They stand with their hand over their heart for the National Anthem, yes, even at home.

L. Live: in Pennsylvania. I have lived all over the country but this will always be home.

M. Mother's name: Holly. I miss her everyday.

N. Nicknames: You know I can't put them on here!

O. Overnight hospital stays: I had jaw surgery twice to correct an overbite, I spent the night in the hospital both times. I had two children, both spent the night in the hospital plus a night in labor. I had an allergic reaction and coded while receiving antibiotics and got to stay over then too.

P. Pet peeve: Much like Will I have a lot of pet peeves but I will only name a few. Poor manners, chewing with your mouth open, Smacking your gum, leaving your hat on or not standing for the national anthem, interrupting, and people that constantly one up.

Q. Quote from a movie: I have a few....

"Pain heals. Chicks dig scars. Glory... lasts forever"

"America isn't easy. America is advanced citizenship. You gotta want it bad, 'cause it's gonna put up a fight. It's gonna say "You want free speech? Let's see you acknowledge a man whose words make your blood boil, who's standing center stage and advocating at the top of his lungs that which you would spend a lifetime opposing at the top of yours. You want to claim this land as the land of the free? Then the symbol of your country can't just be a flag; the symbol also has to be one of its citizens exercising his right to burn that flag in protest. Show me that, defend that, celebrate that in your classrooms. Then, you can stand up and sing about the "land of the free""

"He turned down a blow job from his ex-girlfriend... mid-blowjob. You know how hard that is for a man? It's called blue balls. He's like Gandhi! But better - he likes puppets! "

R. Right or left handed: Righty but I bat left, I can shoot left and I fish left. So, the tom-boy side of me is a lefty :)

S. Siblings: 2 sisters, a step sister and 2 step brothers.

T. Time you wake up: 7am now, I got to make sure I get the kids on the bus and at preschool.

U. Underwear: Depends on the day and time, Most of the time, boy shorts or cheeky hipsters. I do own lingerie that I enjoy wearing on occasion, usually do not sleep in any... shorty shorts and a sports bra or tank top if anything.

V. Vegetable you hate: Lima beans... I just don't like the texture of them in my mouth, kind of chalky, dry... ugh.

W. What makes you run late: My kids mostly. Forgetting things, I often have to go back into the house for one thing or another.

X. X-Rays you've had: Dental, I get my teeth cleaned and checked regularly, I'm almost OCD about it. The jaw surgeries involved a lot of x-rays, had a chest x-ray before I had my breast augmentation but other than that, never broke any bones. *knock on wood*

Y. Yummy food that you make: I cook a lot! I also bake. During the holidays I make cookie trays for all my family, think 600 dozens cookies last year, and I have never heard a complaint. I enjoy making pies and will probably be making some apple pies here in the next week or so.

Z. Zoo animal: I really love the polar bears. Here at the Pittsburgh zoo they have the underwater tunnel where you can walk under the bears as they swim and they will "play" with you under the water. It was really awesome to be so close to that much power!

Enough is enough and its time for a change!

2011-08-30T14:41:00.002-04:00

This summer has been one sad, depressing event after another. I remember a post I wrote asking " are people really this happy?" Yes we were, we are. Its just been one thing after another this year. First my mom's diagnosis in mid May, then my sister's car accident on June 12th. She has traumatic brain injury, and is at a nursing home right now, 25 years old in a nursing home. My mom passed a week ago Sunday. Then there was a dog fight at my mom's Sunday night, and I had to rush my mother's 12 year old 115lb dog to the emergency vet for surgery because my aunt's rottie mix ripped off his front bicep... no joke, 1000 dollars later the dog is around, limping with staples and stitches but here. As we were loading the dog into the car Atlas' hand slides off the tailgate and his elbow connects with my left eye. I had the first black eye of my life for my mother's memorial service and party. About a month ago my son spilled boiling soup down his chest that resulted in a 6x6 second degree burn... This is no joke, this is what my life has been like for the last 2 and a half months. Both my windshields got busted in my vehicles while driving behind trucks that spit stones... Just couldn't catch a break.

However, there is a silver lining, there has to be, and here it is... I graduated. I was commissioned as a Nurse in the United States Navy. My mom was there to do it. We had a huge party to celebrate. I got a huge pay raise, I traded in my 2008 Kia Sorento for a 2012 for lower payments. I refinanced my house for 3 years less mortgage and 200 less a month. We are going to look to buy a new house in Virginia this weekend since we will be moving to that area shortly after Christmas.

I haven't cried hard for my mom yet. I cried more before she died that I have since. It just wasn't my mom laying in that bed Sunday morning. She had lost nearly 50 pounds, she had no hair ( from the chemo), she wasn't speaking, she screamed out in pain everytime I went to move her... It was heart breaking... but that wasn't my mom. My mom left a few weeks ago... She was the strongest, toughest person I will ever meet... its just a sad situation all around. Alas though, I am here to tell it, both myself and atlas are healthy, our children are smart strong beautiful individuals. We make a comfortable living and have nice things... I have to look at the bad with the good.... or the good with the bad in this case. Thank you all for reading, for keeping up and for the support.

She's gone

2011-08-23T11:50:00.001-04:00

My mother passed away Sunday morning... she was 47years old. Left 3 young daughters, 2 grandchildren. a mother, a sister and two brothers... Im so very sad... but also relieved

When real life needs you

2011-07-14T22:48:00.002-04:00

I've been busy. Like abnormally busy. After the whole crisis of my mother being diagnosed with stage 4 cancer last month I was awoken one morning to a phone call that my baby sister only 18 months my younger was in a car accident, life flighted to a nearby trauma unit and was barely hanging on. She has since fought back but is still in a coma. She opens her eyes but is otherwise barely responsive. All this along with finishing up my last 3 classes to earn my BSN and summer has just flown by. But I have been lurking every so often when I really needed a break from rela life but trust me.... Real life needed the Real me for awhile.

The long awaited HNT

2011-06-02T16:54:00.001-04:00

Yes its been a long long long time, but here it is... Happy HNT!!!!

TMI Tuesday

2011-05-31T18:27:00.002-04:00

1. What time did you go to bed last night and were you alone?

Went to bed around 10, fell asleep around midnight... and no there was no funny business I just have a bad case of insomnia that I have to lay in bed with my eyes closed till I pass out. I was not alone, Atlas was in bed with me but he went to bed at 10 and fell asleep at 1003... Sooo semi alone, but I sometimes like it that way.

2. If you could be given ANY gift what would it be?

Any gift... side from a large lump sum of money I would have to go with

3. What was the last film that really moved/disturbed/thrilled you and why?

Really moved me? I really like The HurtLocker... Becuase a job, the adrenile becomes an addiction and there is no way in a civilized world to fill the desires that can be filled when in a warzone. It shows the struggle that that man goes through when he comes home and eh can not adjust to life here, how he continuously goes back again and again... At some point his luck will run out because there is no way to live an extended life when you live like that.

4. What is your favorite way to wake up and what is the first thing you do?

I love to feel Atlas' hand caressing me, reaching for me, needing me. I enjoy when I wake up to him kissing the back of my neck through my hair and as his hands glide over my breasts and drag down my stomach... I enjoy the way he reaches for my hips form behind and pulls me into him. The way his hands glide over my back or the way his fingers feel tangled in my loose hair... That's how I enjoy being woken up...

What usually happens... one of us wakes up and lets the dogs outside and wrangles the kiddos for breakfast while the other is able to sleep in.

5. You’ve been granted an extra hour in the day, what are you going to do?
a. Sleep more
b. Extend a sexual interlude
c. Shop
d. Finally fit in that workout that you usually can’t make time for

A.... without a shadow of a doubt. I always wake up thinkin a nap would be great right after lunch and it never ever happens.

BONUS: Are you in love or lust?

Wow.... Both... I am in love with Atlas... I am shamefully open about this and I often lust for his touch. But there are still many others that I lust for...

She's amazing

2011-05-20T19:11:00.002-04:00

Went to see my mom today. She had her appointment with the oncologist who has everything ready for her to start chemo on monday. The point of chemo not to cure her, but to slow the cancer down and hopefully give her time. I have seen it happen the other way so many times before... the chemo is the part that cuts your time... most of the time, but my mom isn't a "most of the time" kind of person... I went and pulled weeds at her house, she wants to get her gazebo up and her pool opened and we are gonna go and do that tomarrow. While I was there my mom cleaned up after her dogs and weedwacked her backyard... Amazing... simply amazing...

verbal HNT

2011-05-19T22:14:00.004-04:00

So life got in the way again. I took some pics before clinical changed my mind after... So I am gonna do my best to describe myself... truthfully... and let your imagination do the rest and I will get a pic up sooner or later I promise.

I'm, 5'7, 140 pounds... I have long hair to about my braline on my back, it used to be blond but I have recently changed it to a nice auburn red which fits my blue eyes, fair skin, and freckles. I have a big smile and straight teeth that I spent 3 years of my adult life getting and paying for ( was miserable but worth it)... I wear a size 5 pants which isn't what I actually want but its far better than most after 2 children in 3 years and I am content in them... I have nice round soft 36D breasts that fit my body better than they ever did before I had children and I enjoy them the most out of any part of my body. I usually wear tight low cut tank tops that sit below my hip bones and a sweat shirt over top of form fitting flare leg jeans with my hair pulled back in a pony tail. I may not be someone's typical mom but I am very comfortable in my own skin.

So again life got in the way tonight, I spent most of my night at dear daughter's dance recitral rehersal and when I got home Atlas was already home on the computer and I didn't get a chance to get on till late tonight... its coming I promise.... Are you still going to wait?

i have a HNT

2011-05-19T07:59:00.001-04:00

I just have to wait till I am done at clinical to put it up. Stay tuned:)

When life gets in the way

2011-05-18T21:02:00.002-04:00

I have been stressed lately, of course. I got a million things going on personally, my family is stressed to the max over my mother and the medical issues I just need some sort of release. I want to get away for awhile. Just go away... spend some time on me for a while... I plan to do a HNT tomarrow. I am bored and stressed, I need a distraction from what is my too real real life... Who wants to play?

2011-05-17T23:00:00.000-04:00

The Tumor board decided I guess with all of the information that it is in fact stomach cancer with mets to Bone... They are going to start Chemo on Monday... So please... if you have some prayers to spare send them to my mom... Her name is Holly... and thats a bit more personal than I would like to get but for the sake of prayers and hope... Im letting it go. Thank you.

TMI Tuesday

2011-05-17T15:38:00.002-04:00

Getting to Know You...

1. What is your online profile name and what does it mean?

Redefine, Renew, Recover... I spent a large part of the last 7 or 8 years becoming a person that is not so much the person I was before that, or the person I saw myself becoming. However great and wonderful, married life and being a mother is I am in the process of redefining the person I am, and renewing the love for life that I once had and basically recovering from becoming an adult I guess.

2. How did you decide on the title of your blog?

Seemed appropriate... just fit I guess...

3. How much of your online personality transcends into your real life? What's the biggest difference between the two?

Hm I am really pretty similar in real life to the personality that I portray on here. Of course my name is not Hera... Hera is the greek goddess of marriage and birth which I am neither but it seemed appropriate at the time. Hera is known for her fury and even Zues her husband could not stand up to her. Recently my blog has been a lot realer than I would of liked but its the part of me that really wants to get some stuff off my chest without freaking everyone else out around me. The biggest difference between Hera and myself? I spend a lot of time with my husband and my children and I dont really like to talk about them at least my children on here.

4. What have you stumbled across through reading blogs that really made you want to try it out? Have you done it yet? Was it a good, bad or so so experience?

I did an extensive research project on polyamous and polygamist families and I have a real respect for their lifestyle. I read a lot of their blogs and revel in the idea of how well that lifestyle works for some people. Its not for me, I couldn't imagine having to share, much like Hera... my jealousies would be far to much for me to get past.

And now, in honor of May is Masturbation Month...
5. After you masturbate, do you taste your cum? Do you like the taste of you?

Hm, I don't. I guess I never even thought of it. I do enjoy tasting myself on Atlas' lips or on his cock as I will sometimes alternate between fucking and sucking him... but as for tasting myself for the sole purpose of it, I don't and I don't really see any purpose to it.

6. Do you like to masturbate in front of someone else? Does that heighten your arousal or are you indifferent?

I have not masturbated in front of someone. I am rather shy when it comes to it, I would not be totally against it as I have sent pictures to atlas before I just have never done it with someone watching on. I could imagine that it would probably start off as masturbation but I don't believe I would be able to finish myself off and would probably need a hand... ;)

7. Have you ever been caught masturbating? By whom?

Can't say that I have been caught but even if I was caught I don't think it would be that bad I would probably just laugh at the idea of being "caught" in my own house in my own bed. I have been caught having sex once by my mother, once by my sister, and once by my daughter... I know you'd think we would learn... the only one that actually walked in the room was my daughter and she was only 2 so there was no strange or awkward explaining to do...

Its hard to be sad

2011-05-15T00:40:00.003-04:00

I feel sad when i am at home and I think about everything that is going on.
Then I go and see my mom, she's out pulling weeds, she is cleaning house, doing laundry...
She makes no excuses, she is just the same as she has ever been.... only 30 pounds lighter...

She makes me feel stronger, she makes me smile... I need to be strong for her, We need to be there for eachother.

So it seems

2011-05-13T22:45:00.003-04:00

It looks like my mom has stage 4 ovarian cancer... if you dont know its not good, its not a good prognosis... I am going to lose my mom... we just don't know how much time we have so I am trying to make it in to see her every other day... I just can't do every day... I can't... her case is beig presented to a tumor board on tuesday which will give us the exact plan the options and what to expect. My schooling has taught me not to expect much. Stage 4... maybe 6 months maybe more maybe less...
Have I mentioned she is only 47?

Yeah... So... she wants to do Chemo... How do you tell someone you love that life isnt worth fighting for? I know what chemo does to people, it kills the good cells and the bad, she is gonna lose her hair, have nausea, diarhhea, vomiting, mouth sores, fatigue, malaise... I know these symptoms but there is much more... and its more personal when its your own mother. I feel like she shouldnt do it, maybe chemo will give her a few more months... but she will be sick horrible months... When I think stage 4, I think comfort, I think pain control, I think enjoy them... and I enjoy my mother... she is an amazing woman... I brought her home from the hospital yesterday and she sarted doing laundry, and sweeping the garage because she knew she was going to have company later that evening... Its hard to be upset when she wants to fight it, when she believes she can beat it... but anyone in the medical field knows... I have hope but deep down that gut feeling is there...

Im sad, Im broken hearted... but my grandma, who lives with me is hurting far worse than any of us girls... she buried 2 husbands and a man that she idolized for 10 years... She does not deserve to bury a child. No one does...

But I have hope. My mother is the strongest person I know. She is the toughest person I have ever met... and I am not saying that because its my mom.. the doctor told me that she is a walking miracle... that she shouldnt be here... She has an iron will... if she wants to fight... I will support her and help her becuase I believe that she can... the hard part is knowing if I can handle the fight right along with her...

What's eating you

2011-05-11T18:52:00.000-04:00

I started my last semester of nursing school. I graduate in August with my BSN, I just couldn't concentrate today. My mom had a colonoscopy, an endoscopy and paracentisis done today and she will go home tomarrow hopefully with a plan. They are pretty sure that it is Ovarian cancer that has moved to the bone. Which is not a surprise because ovarian cancer is usually not diagnosed until it has moved somewhere else... So... good news is, the rest of her organs look good... good news is both types of cancer are beatable... its not like hearing brain cancer, or lung cancer.... which are a lot scarier but the word Cancer still is hard. I shudder when I hear myself say it outloud, its like if i don't say that word it seems less real... but its oh so real... and I am scared for her, Im selfishly scared for me because I dont know what I would do without her. Without my morning and evening phone calls and shes the first person I call when I dont know how to do something... I just can't imagine what it would be like to not have that... It will be nice for her to get home and be able to rest, be with her dogs. Shes not going back to work... at least not anytime soon so I am hoping that she is able to apply for disability, either that or I will be able to take on at least some of the finanical burden, at least for awhile.

Right now I am in a jam setting up babysitters because my gram who usually lives with me is at home and will be there for awhile to take care of my mom.

Searching

2011-05-10T16:40:00.003-04:00

I have done a lot of "soul searching" the last few days since my mother's diagnosis. Not that it is determined how far or how bad it really is yet but having an ill parent really makes you question your own mortality. My mother is young, she's only 47... Yes, she drinks, she smokes, she has her entire life but so does a lot of people. Its not that we have a family history, or bad genetics its just that it happened I guess... So we are still awaiting more test results to really know the details and come up with a plan of action but the last 4 years of school has taught me not to lean too far to the hoepful end yet.

My mom and I both went to the doctor on the same day. I had my annual girl exam that I did not go to last year because at 26, been monogamous for 7 years, 2 perfect children never had an issue... well my pap came back abnormal... Great... just what i needed to hear two days after my mother is diagnosis with ovarian cancer. So I have another follow up with the GYN in a week. I haven't told anyone, I dont want to freak anyone out because its probably nothing but it just puts things in perspective.

My mom did a good job with us girls. There are me and two sisters, Im the oldest... All graduated high school two of us have degrees, two of us are proudly serving our country in the military, no one pregnant out of wedlock, no one addicted to drugs or bad habits. She did a good job basically on her own. She was successful at what was important to her, us... She is a good person you wouldnt believe the out pouring of love that has come out of this, I had two phone calls today from people I don't know and have never met who want to make her car payment this month and next since she is not going to be able to work... There are "tip jars" at two local clubs that she had worked at previously. to try and offset some of the bills she is going to have... there has been an ever growing line at the hospital and her phone has been ringing incessently. She is loved by everyone she has met and it is so great to see the impact she has had on these people.

I am frustrated with what my life situation is right now but I am thankful that I am able to do the things I am. I am not much in the mood for TMI Tuesday but am hoping to start feeling up to things again soon. I know not many read but to those who do... Thank you.

2011-05-07T23:34:00.002-04:00

My mom is in the hospital... She has cancer... not sure how bad yet... but if I had to guess I would say that it is not good... Im sad... I am not ready to be without her yet... not yet... Happy Mother's Day...

TMI Tuesday

2011-05-03T14:45:00.003-04:00

1. LUST (excessive sexual appetites): Besides your current significant other, for whom do you lust or who have you lusted for in the past? Does your significant other know about your lustful desires?
I have a pretty extensive list of Lusts.... my significant other knows of most... Katy Perry, Scarlett Johansson, Halle Berry, Jessica Beil, Mina Kunis... men change depending on the mood I am in... Hugh Jackmman, Brad Pitt ( Fight Club)... men I meet or see.... I am a fairly Lustful person.

2. GLUTTONY (over-indulgence): What food brings out your inner glutton?
I can honestly say I am fairly good when it comes to food. Over-indulgence... Id have to say that when i drink I often crave something horrible and greasy, fries, a steak hoagie, fried cauliflower or mushrooms... I don't drink often thank goodness or it would probably become a...ahem... larger issue.

3. GREED (avarice): When it comes to sex, what are you greedy for? When it comes to things, what is it that you want more than your need or deserve?
As far as sex goes I am fairly greedy just for sex... I am 4 times a week plus kinda girl and if I don't get some kind of lovin on a regular basis I get fairly moody and aggitated. Its not that I even need to get off, I just want to feel that connection. When it comes to things... hm... want more than I need, I have a large house and I don't need it, I have two small children and a grandmother living with us and we have not been downstairs ( which as a huge game room, living room, bed room, pantry, complete bathroom, and extra room) in 3 months. I also bought a brand new car, that I don't need but I wanted SOOOOO bad... I grew up without a lot of things, and now that I am sucessfully an adult with a decent income, I feel I kinda deserve them. *ouch I sound like a bitch*

4. SLOTH (idleness/procrastination): Name a task or activity in which you perpetually procrastinate?
Homework... Nursing school has been the longest three years of my life... I keep putting homework off and putting it off, it gets done in time and done well but if I have to write one more nursing diagnosis related to... manifested by.... I may pull my hair out.

5. WRATH (anger) is manifested in the individual who spurns love and opts instead for fury.
a. Describe a time that you were very angry?
It takes a lot for me to get angery. A few posts ago I mentioned a situation where I was extremely anger with Atlas for acting like a small boy however my anger only lasts for moments because being angery is not going to solve any problems and will just make everyone feel worse in the long run.

b. Have you ever been so angry that you thought about revenge? Did you seek it?
Thought about it yes, done it no... At least not recently. In high school I think I stole my best friend's boyfriend because she did something to me. I dont remember I didn't even like him, but it wasn't hard to convince him that he liked me more than her. Stupid boys.

6. ENVY (jealousy): Who or what do you envy? Why?
I have to agree with *GoodWill* on this one. I envy those who are completely sexually free. I express what I want often but I think i still sometimes censor myself to what is comfortable for the sake of not "opening that can of worms". I sometimes envy those who do not have small children. Yes I know having children is a blessing and I am blessed, they are healthy happy beautiful individuals... but I can't just pack up for the weekend and go away, or even go out for drinks at night if I want to. I had children young, and early in our marriage and I think enjoying eachother would of been nice too... Atlas once said to me " I love the way you are with the kids, you are a great mother, but sometimes i miss my wife".

7. PRIDE (vanity) is the love of one’s own excellence, and it is considered the worst of the 7 Deadly Sins.
a. When preparing to meet a lover, what are you most vain about?
b. What sexual skill are you overly proud and boastful about?
c. What part of your body are you proud of, boastful about?

a. Hm, well... I usually take a nice long shower, clean up, make sure everything is clean and well smooth and I like to smell nice. Perfume a push up bra, a low cut shirt, and a pair of jeans that fit just right....

b. Ha. I give good head... I am, I am embaressly bad with just my hands but add my mouth and it will not take long to get where we are going.

c. I love my boobs!!! After nursing 2 children for the duration of 4 years I had a breast augmentation last march as a gift to myself and I LOVE the results. Not too big, not small, round, SOFT, look and feel natural... I like them so much I play with them :)

Bonus: What sin do you think is your greatest virtue? For example, what bad thing makes you more appealing?

My Anger that is often resolved quick fast and in a hurry... Although when I am angry I am a horrible bitch, it is very short lived.

Bored out of my mind... is never good

2011-04-29T22:29:00.002-04:00

Atlas is out of town for the week, and not on business. He is out with his dad, and uncle, and cousins, and the rest of the boys on a quad trip. I am at home holding down the fort and finishing up my second to last semester of school. Gosh I am feeling that creeping resentment feeling coming to me though and that is where boredom is not good for me.

I get stressed with kids, dogs, goats, and my family in general and then I get aggitated that I am carrying all the weight while he is out playing. My mom is sick, they dropped the C word yesterday and "slight chance" so I am keeping my fingers crossed till her biopsy results come back but I have a feeling the news is not going to be great. You don't get away with smoking a pack a day and drinking everyday for 30 years with a handshake and a prize. I also went and had my yearly girl exam and everything seems to be in working order. Not that I doubted but its nice to know that there are no unseen issues going on. I

I am up for conversation with someone over the age of five and not related to any nursing diagnosis or care plans please. So let me know whats going on out there, praying for Alabama and those hit with storms this week.

HNT No camera

2011-04-28T14:05:00.004-04:00

So... I had to do some weird cropping since I had a small child on my lap. But this is from last summer and I am looking forward to hot weather, tans, and spending some time on the water.

Happy HNT!

Sad

2011-04-25T22:04:00.002-04:00

My dogs killed one of my goats today. I am so broken hearted over it, I wasn't home, Atlas wasn't home, just my grandmother, and she was not able to get the dogs to stop. We were all fishing and she called crying saying the dogs were killing Rudy. By the time we got home he was already gone... I can't even look at the dogs... but that is what they were historically bred for, to chase down and kill wild large game... We buried Rudy at the bottom of our yard next to a big tree... My other goats seem like they are doing okay, they seem like they are still looking for him, although they were all witness to it. Im so sad... they are just like a family member....

It continues

2011-04-20T12:01:00.002-04:00

So I pick Atlas up in town and he asks if I still want to go to the hockey game. Well Duh, we did pay good money for the tickets and I am going to have a good time in spite of him. So we go to the arena and park. I lay my chiar back with my sunglasses on and decide I want to take a nap. 20 minutes later I wake up, Atlas is sitting in the driver's seat, staring out the window tears running his cheeks.
- I don't feel like I should be here
- Well we are here and we are going to have a good time
- I feel like you are only here with me so you don't have to go to the game alone.
- Well... kind of. I want to have fun though.
- I ruined the trust that you had in me, and now our relationship will never be the same.
- No, it will be fine, just give me some time to get over it . *** to be completely honest, by this point I was already over it, Nothing had happened, not really, I cried, I yelled, I swore, and doing more of any of the above wasn't go to change the fact that it happened and it wasn't going to make the situaion any better****

So we go to the game. I never realized it but I guess I didn't touch Atlas the entire game, minus a high five for a goal. Not intentional but I guess I just wasn't that into him at the time. On the way home he was driving and said
- I know you dont want to talk about it but i have to, i have this huge knot in my stomach, like I am going to be sick.
-okay...?
- Will you ever be able to forgive me?
- Sure I will... if the situation was reversed would you forgive me
- I don't know if i could, thats why I am so sick over this, I just wish you would punch me or yell at me or something.
- Its not going to get us anywhere, its not worth fighting over, its done its over its in the past, lets just move on *** Yes this is really how I am***
-I am so sorry *Hera* Please give me the oppertunity to earn your trust
-okay...

And that was the end of it. We came home instead of going for drinks, Atlas went to get a shower and I said I was going to too, and he said he would wait and I told him he could shower with me. This of course goes on to be the most intimate and passionate sex that we have ever had in 7 years of marriage... I wake up the next morning wrapped in his arms.

How it all went down

2011-04-19T14:42:00.002-04:00

Atlas and I get along better than 98 percent of couples that I have met in my life. We have similar interests, goals, ideas on life. But one thing that differs is our perceptions of what is "just fun" and what is wrong. So I did a bunch of basic household things Friday and finally sat down to sign on to the computer. When I open my laptop, it is signed into Atlas' facebook site. So as I go to sign off, a little message pops up on the bottom " how do i know you" it was from Atlas to a girl... meaning I accidentally opened his page, while he is on his page at work. I start to type "sorry this is just atlas' wife, i signed on his account by accident" then I see it is Atlas who had asked... Interesting... because we know this girl... not personally but had heard stories. Two nights earlier at a poker game, all these guys were talking about how she is their designated blow job girl, they give her some money and she does whatever you want... stories that go alittle deeper than that but none the less, you get the idea of who she is... Atlas never talked to her before, she was a facebook friend because they are from the same hometown i guess.

So I signed off never even thought anything of it. Then I am doing something a little later and sign back on, catch in mid conversation
-are you accepting new customers
-always accepting
-any restrictions? like marriage **** my heart jumps into my throat... REALLY?***
--i've had some married guys
-This would have to be completely confidental
- always LOL
-where does something like this tape place
-their house or mine
-well it can't be mine!
-I figured lol then mine in L******
- how much notice do you need, how much does this cost
-depends on what you desire
-depends on what you offer **** Yes I managed to keep it together long enough to get all of this information plus copy it, save it and burn it to a CD, Im not a stupid girl by any means*****
- text me ( number included) I am on my work computer
-okay

At this point I am late to head to the city to pick up Atlas at work to go to the NHL playoff game. I jump in the car, grab my phone and text Atlas, find someone else to go to the game with. he asked how far out i am, i say "sitting in front of the computer"
***phone rings***
What are you talking about
_ wht do you think I am talking about.
- i have no idea,
- I don't even have words, find someone else to go to the game with, get your truck and find somewhere else to stay tonight because I don't want to see you today
*** He's speechless, he knows I saw***
- What? What do i do to deserve this?
-Nothing, absolutely nothing *** in shock I can hear it in his voice***
- you are a fucking asshole, i can't even believe what i read, do you really need to go elsewhere for something? **** we have a very active sex life, like 4+ a week its hard for me to imagine he needs anyhting from anyone else***
-no, it was just fun, you heard the other guys talking
- well it looked pretty fucking real...

Okay to save time, insert a lot of yelling, crying and swearing as I drive. Not the best choice I ever made but a choice I made none the less. So I drove to the city to pick up Atlas, When I say I am gonna do something I do it regardless, its just the kind of person I am. I wasn't happy to be picking him up, I didn't want to see him, I was not joking when I told him not to come home.

I just spent the last 45 minutes trying to wrangle my goats outside, Have you ever looked at your life and said... " really is this me?" To be continued

I'm broken into a million pieces

2011-04-16T13:41:00.000-04:00

But I can hold it together with duct tape, super glue and maybe a few captain and cokes... I need to update... I need to vent...

There is a lot changes

2011-04-02T22:17:00.003-04:00

My daughter mentioned to me about all the changes that are happeneing right now. We moved the furniture around in the living room, we are putting a pond in our backyard, and I got a new car... So although it may not seem like a big deal to me the little one was a little worried that there was too many changes... I sat down to her and explained to her that "change is sometimes good".

Poly... what?

2011-03-17T23:54:00.002-04:00

So I watch big love... and sisterwives... and i follow polygamy blogs and what not. Its not for me, not now, at this point in my life. But I can truly see the appealing parts of it, more than one wife means more than one mother, more than one perosn to make lunches, or to babysit or to help out when needed... but ti also means, more than one situation that had its own set of situations.

I never heard about that lifestyle or any other until long after I was married. I could never be a "first wife" the thought of sharing Atlas, even through text messages makes me nuts but if this wasn't my life... I believe I have the ability that I would of made a great 2nd or 3rd wife.

Okay I see what you are thinking... how can you share? Well if you go into a relationship knowing... knowing is the key.... that you have to share, that the money, time, and attention will be shared then you have joined that relationship just like someone joins a monogamous relationship thinking its going to be just two people throughout all time.

Atlas and I are perfect. We have our issues just like every other couple but we see past them, most of them at least. We are truly a team, and work together to achieve both of our goals... but if atlas told me he was in love with another and he wanted both of us... I would leave... however If I went into the relationship knowing that someone else was in love with other people then it might work? Am I making sense?

Anyway... I am so happy that some of the polyamorous, polygamy families are getting more publicity and more understanding... If they are all consenting adults, and it works... then why not?

In other news... I was up sick on Tuesday morning around 3am, so I checked the phone that was closest sitting ont he dresser to find Text messages from atlas to another woman around 11 pm... Nothing important... basics " what are you doing" "just laid down u" "playing poker" and that was it... should I take it as more or an I overreacting? Given our electronic past... I am hesitant... saddened by it a bit... worried... not really... after 7 years of nearly perfect marriage i ahve very little to worry about... but still.... what it..

Some people just don't get it

2011-03-02T18:19:00.002-05:00

So... I haven't blogged in... aw forever but Atlas is out of town and as I vented to him via texted I realized he just doesn't get it... When the response to " I am so overwhelmed I don't know what to do" is " I will help. When I can." I gave up the hope that he actually understood where I was coming from. Any fulltime mother, and fulltime worker understands sometimes you just need a break. I am taking 25 credits this semester... did i mention that? Am I insane? No, it was an accident and after it was paid for its either do it or eat the 3800$.

Next up is my live in grandmother who god bless her helps witht he kids while I spend tuesday and thursday at clinicals that are 2 hour drive away from the house... yes 4 hour commute a day twice a week but she is kinda driving me nuts. Sometimes its worse than having another small child. At least I can beat the child right... okay maybe not entirely true but you get the point. A good example of how my day went, get up unload dishwasher, reload start, go to laundry room, move clothes from washer to dryer load washer start. Wake up daughter, dress her pack her lunch. Get dressed myself, pack my things for school, check daughters bag for school, forget breakfast, make toast, drive daughter to preshcool, walk her in, drive myself 40 minutes to school, park 1 mile from my class, catch a commuter bus to the main campus and then go to a 50 minute class. Yes 50 minutes. leave class, catch another communter bus back to my car, drive 40 minutes home, get home, make lunch for son and I. Start homework. Go pick u daughter at preschool, go to rite aid to get meds for grandmother, go to grocery store for finishing touches for dinner, return home, vaccuum livingroom, bedroom, and kitchen, finish homework, start dinner, make everyone's plate including grandmother, clean up dinner, my plate in sink kids plates scrapped adn in sink, put away left overs and I look over and grandmother's plate is still sitting on the table, she is outside on her phone. When she comes in, I am in the landry room folding cloths, "I'm done" she says and goes into her room. So what do I do? Walk her clean cloths into her room, take my laundry into my room and leave her plate fork knife and glass sit on the clean table... Excuse me... but I am beat!

Here's the other thing on my mind... My mother just got home from vacation in Flordia... My uncle and aunt returned last week from the Bahamas... I don't want to hear about your vacation... I have not had a vacation since I joined my job 7 years ago... Atlas and I make six figures but can't find the time to get away on a decent vacation... Maybe he just isn't trying...

I feel lost...

2010-08-27T22:12:00.002-04:00

So much has happened this past week that I just need an outlet. Nothing has happened in my life but everyone around me seems to be having life altering moments. One woman who I was relatively close with, who saved my marriage when I didn't know it needed saved, got divorced. She was married at a young age, her and her husband seemed happy, content, They do have two children, a son and a daughter who are both autistic. I would love to hear what happened but... I doubt I will ever know what actually happened. We worked together before, close together and she did flirt, with a few of the men we worked with, and there were rumors that more had happened with a certain doctor... but I never believed them because she was always very family oriented, very marriage oriented. Her husband was a stay at home dad while she worked as a Nurse. Interesting.

One of the wives of Atlas' coworker lost her baby. It was not just a miscarriage which is devastating on its own but she was 20 weeks along. She went in for her ultrasound to find out the sex and they could not find a heartbeat. I was heart broken to hear the news. It was to be their fourth child, an ooops baby but a baby none the less. They had a name picked out, the siblings were excited, and she had to go home after the ultrasound carrying a baby that was no longer alive. She had to wait 3 days before they induced her, and she delivered a baby that was already an angel. That just confirms the fact in my mind that I am completely content with my life, my children, and my husband and I do not desire anymore children.

Another friend of mine confided in me that her and her husband recently brought a third into the bedroom, and was considering 'dating' her as a couple. I find this so intriguing because I never even knew that they were considering that type of lifestyle.

Atlas is working long hours. He was promoted, and is taking the new job in stride. Its a good thing he has long legs and big feet. This has recently been putting a bit of downer on the lovin. It seems that our needs just aren't intertwining. One day I will be hot and ready to roll and I go shower and come out and Atlas is asleep. The next day Atlas is pawing to get my clothes off and I can barely stay awake long enough to get the kids in bed. Atlas is gone for the weekend as he will be next weekend and a few days in between. This is a busy time of year for our type of work and soon it will all be done and over with. There is such a huge focus on Atlas and his career right now. So much so that I am feeling left out, A "what about me" feeling". Atlas came up to me the other day, and said " I know right now I'm not what you need me, Im not putting the time into you that you deserve but I promise that someday, I will be completely focused, completely dedicated on everything that you need". It made me cry, and sometimes I think, its hard to see how bright our future is going to be, when its so damn cloudy today.

Then I look at the lives of people around me, and I see my husband who tries, who adores me, and my wonderful, beautiful, healthy, intelligent children and I know that I am blessed, and I am thankful.

Sex toys....

2010-08-26T22:33:00.001-04:00

Im bored and I need suggestions of some fun stuff for me, and for hubby and I. Thanks a head of time cause I know someone out there will have good advice.

Is the Promise of 'someday' enough to get me through today?

2010-08-25T08:35:00.002-04:00

I know I've been a bad blogger but I am gonna try and get into the swing of things again with summer dwindling and school starting again... I will be back soon.

I've been a horrible blogger

2010-08-23T11:22:00.004-04:00

I know i know, I've been gone for a while. All summer actually, and not gone, not gone at all, just lurking. I haven't had the words to put into a blog and truthfully haven't had the time to sort through them. Everything is going well here. The summer is closing and it makes me extremely sad. I always feel like I have such big plans for summer and at the end they all seemed to have failed. Like epically failed.

I wanted to get away for a few days. That's it, I don't need a big eloborate vacation. A tent, a fishing pole, and a campfire would of worked just fine. But I didn't even get that oppertunity this year. I wanted to go to Great Lakes and see my baby sister graduate from bootcamp. I know what it feels like. There is no other feeling in the world and whether you serve 4 years of 30 you only get to graduate from bootcamp once and that was also blown out of the water.

I'm reflecting and I am kinda sad. We had the house to clean and stain ( loghome) I cleaned it, it took me two days... and then we didn't stain it, so... now we have log house that doesn't have any stain on it... If I had the 15K I would hire professionals but I don't know where all the money goes. The deck is cleaned, stained and sealed and that alone was a huge project, most of which I did... as Atlas work schedule is uncondusive to helping around the house even when it stays light out till 2100.

The hot tub still sits full of garbage... the goats are still living in a barn that is halfway falling in... and my mom, grandmother and sister all just got back from vacation last night. I wasn't invited because I have two small children and who wants that cramping thier style while they sit on a beach somewhere.

Another reason I blog today is I am just frustrated. I think in all aspects of my life. I go far above and beyond to be a good mother, a good wife. I shine Atlas' FUCKING shoes!!! I set his uniform out, I even wrote his evaluations for him, I did all this last night after everyone was asleep ( did I mention the sleeping issuesI have) but i

Another day in Paradise

2010-04-27T17:07:00.002-04:00

Hello Everyone out there. Hows it going? I am eh. blah. I bought a hoagie yesterday brought it home. I ate a peice, my grandmother ate some, my son had some, and my daughter ate the bread and cheese. Last night my son was up all night throwing up, my grandmother up also throwing up, and today I have had an upset stomache but am not throwing up... So I am trying to fiugre out if it is a bug we picked up somewhere around the way or if it is some sort of food issue. I tossed the rest of the hoadie today just in case. I would rather be safe than sorry and its not worth it.

So Im sitting around the house, tying up some loose ends with my classes and taking care of my sick kiddo. Anyone with little kids knows though... he isn't sick until its too late. He's running around playing and then all of a sudden projectile vomit. BLAH. The weather is kinda chilly out and there is nothing to do outside until the weather breaks a little more. This weekend we are plowing the land and hopefully get some of the plants in the ground. I can't wait for the garden!!!

Otherwise everything else has been just rolling along. Atlas and I have been having hot, steamy, sex on an almost nightly basis. Well this is a nice break from studying but I have two finals tomarrow. I will update again soon.

HNT Insane results...

2010-04-22T08:53:00.004-04:00

This is my week 4 progress picture from my workout. Im getting where I want to be. Another 5 weeks of work outs planned and then I am off to enjoy my summer with swimmnig and yardword and gardening and all the active things I can't do in the winter.

HHNT!!!!

2010-04-20T09:54:00.002-04:00

I just need to vent a bit today. I didn't sleep well last night. Atlas and I climbed into bed around 1000 and were both sound asleep. However at 3am my daughter came into the bedroom to ask me to get her a juice box. Yes, I got up and got it put her back to bed adn tried to go back to sleep but I couldn't. So I wandered into the bathroom and saw Atlas' phone sitting on the sink charging. I reach over flip it open and check out the text messages. Something that I randomly do from time to time. There was a random array of work related texts, texts to me and then some random texts to a number that rang filmilar to me... but it said " ... one of the kids that he is responsibile for due to his jobs MOM"... hmmm random I think. there was a bunch of them so I start to read them from the begining then theres a break then again in the afternoon... "Good Morning." Atlas at 748 in the morning, shortly after he leaves our house, " Good morning How are you." " Good and yourself" "Good," " Its going to be an interesting week." Atlas. and then some other random texts... Nothing sexual, nothing out of the ordinary... just strange to me...

Atlas and I have gone a few rounds over cell phone use and text messages and the boundries of these things. Prior to us marrying Atlas used to text with a woman. They exchanged dirty texts and whatever but it was prior to marriage and I didn't really no about it much. Well shortly after the birth of our daughter we went home for a visit. Upon returning to Seattle Atlas was recieving text messages from "Mike". Upon seeing some of the messages perhaps ones that involves things like " I was going to take a bath and make myself cum thinking of you." got me quite upset. Think post partum furst time mother, only been married for a year and that puts you in my mind set... Well atlas promised to never text her again. And he didn't. He erased her number and that was that.

Then we moved back to the east coast to be closer to family. I moved back 6 months before he did. After about 6 months here I woke up late at night and looked at his phone to find messages of the same kind "I do look good today, for the meeting but Im bored out of my mind" Atlas " If I was there I would crawl under the table to suck your cock." UNknown... OH REALLY I thought when i saw this... I took the phone still opened to the text took atlas' asleep hand and placed the phone in it. I told him not to fucking come near me, and Im sure there was more, I was crying by the time I did that. We talked, I cried, he cried and apoligized, said it was nothing but stupid games on his phone. it was a girl his co worker always texts who took his business card and started messaging him, and it just got a bit out of control...

Anyway, after the tears and my anger, he promised not to text her anymore. I wrote her number down and kept it just in case. Well about two months after that as Atlas was outside cutting grass. He got a text from a " superior coworker" who i knew. He didn't seem like the kind of person to randomly send a text to ask how everything was going, guys don't just do that right? So I take out the number i put in safe keeping, typed it into his phone and hit send. Wouldn't you know that that "Superior coworker"'s name came up as if that's who I was calling... interesting right? So I confronted him, asked him why he was talking to her, better yet why he was lying about it. "I m not lying". he said. Putting someone else's name down as if it was their phone number is just as good as lying to me.

So that bring everyone up to date on why sometimes I randomlly check Atlas' text messages. Maybe I am crazy, maybe too pocessive, too jealous whatever. I always look at the aspect of how would Atlas feel when I do something. If I wrote dirty text messages about how much I want to suck someone's cock or how badly I want them to eat my pussy or fuck me" and atlas found those text messages I am sure that he would be angry and upset.

So what to do? Do I confront him over those random texts I found last night or should I wait until I find something more. Should I wait until i see messages about cock sucking and fucking and cumming before i let it get to me? I mean either way i kind of look like an asshole right? I trust Atlas not to go beyond text messages. But even then... is that too much. If the situation was reversed I know those text messages would be too much for him to take so why shouldn't it be too much for me. Why is there such a sexual double standard and should there be one?

I'm not angry, im not upset, not yet. Im just frustrated and I am not sure what to do about it.

Just a quick update

2010-04-18T10:48:00.003-04:00

Last night Atlas and I went out to a rundown bar down the road from our house. We met some of the VFD members that is in Atlas' department and had a few drinks. WE left there witha few of them and went bowling. Yes bowling. I think I may have scored a 54 for the last one but that wasn't the point of bowling anyway. It was a good time, a good buzz and a night out. Atlas and I made it home, retired to bed and soon enough I was between his legs. Eyes closed, hands behind his head, moans escaping from his lips. It was delectable. I moved from his cock to his chest and when I did we noticed something...his cock fit perfectly between my cleavage. This is of course new and interesting for us and we explaored it further. It was so fucking hot! I remember finishing him off with my mouth but when I woke up this morning, the laundry was done, put away, the kitchen clean and the kids fed. Atlas was laying in bed next to me to tell me how much he loves me and how much fun he had last night.

I am very blessed to have everything that I do and everyday I am thankful that it is Atlas that I share my life with.

Friday Fill in. ( Im Trying it)

2010-04-16T16:55:00.002-04:00

And...here we go!

1. I'd like ______to make a fresh fruit tart, watch a hockey game where my team wins, have a few drinks and sleep all night_______.

2. One of my most favorite romantic memories is ____Sitting between Atlas' legs and making out on the steps in front of a friend's condo on Mt. Washington in Pittsburgh watching the FOurth of July Fireworks. I think that is the day that I KNEW without a doubt that he was my one and only_____.

3. Last night, I had ___grilled tuna steak, fresh asparagus, baked potatoe, and blueberry win_______ for dinner.

4. Sorry for the _____lack of real blogging lately but I've been so damn busy________.

5. Can we ___just fuck___________ now?

6. One of my worst temptations is _waking up in the middle of the night to eat_______; ___Sometimes I substitute Atlas for food late at night because he is just as _____ hard to resist!

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to _a hockey game____, tomorrow my plans include _daughter's soccer game, lunch out, chores around the house and maybe going out____ and Sunday, I want to __Watch hockey and relax__!

That wasn't too bad. Did I mention that Atlas and I made love last night and then again this morning before he went to work... mMmmmMMMMMmmmM He is delicious:)

HNT Insanity

2010-04-15T19:23:00.001-04:00

Today was my cardio recovery day of my Insanity workout. During on of the stretches I grabbed the camera and hit auto. This was the result... Kind of inspired by a pic from Sage's site... not quite there, but working on it:) Happy HNT!

Once every couple months

2010-04-10T23:44:00.002-04:00

I feel grumpy. Like I feel like there is something going on that I just can't put my finger on. Like Im not feeling completely... satisfied. I don't mean sexually either. Atlas and I have incredible sex, often. But when I say unsatisfied thats the first thing that comes to mind. But thats not it. Its unsatisfied emotionally or something else. I just need something more... from Atlas. It takes me breaking down for him to understand that. Its my fault that it gets to this point though, when he stands at the door for 10 minutes asking me if I am sure that I am okay that he is going to play cards... But you would think that he would know, if he has to stand there for 10 minutes convincing himself that I am okay so he can put it straight in his mind so he can go out and play cards. I wanted so badly to go out this weekend. Almost to the point where tears fill my eyes.

I feel so trapped in my house, in my life. The semester is coming to an end but I have to take summer classes which leaves me no break between the spring and summer classes. I go from a schedule I don't like to one I can't stand with no break. I was supposed to go out with a friend from high school yesterday and get drinks but she blew me off... for the second time. Now I don't think I am going to try and make plans with her again. It was just such a let down twice that I don't want to deal with it again. I miss my old friends from Washington. I miss the people I used to work with, I miss the people who understood what I was going through.

We went to a restraunt this morning after our daughters soccer game. When we walked in an older man was sitting at a table and waved to Atlas. Atlas introduced his children... Then we sat down waiting for a table. As we were sitting there the older men waved Atlas over to the table. He sat down and talked with the man and what I assume was his wife. They called our name and I walked our children back to the table sat down and shortly after Atlas came back. He didn't introduce me, he didn't even say, "This is my wife." Next we came home, did a bunch of yard work... I worked out, made dinner, and took a shower. Settled down to watch the hockey game. Atlas was out in the kitchen when he phone went off. " are you coming to cards babe?" from Ed.... Atlas has been going to this poker game for over a year. I've never been there and to be completely honest I have never met anyone who plays there. I've seen a few, a girl working at the grocery store, an older woman at Sam's club, and the gentleman from earlier today but... Im just frustrated.

I over think things when I get in this type of mood. I know he's loyal. I know he loves me. I know these things and I don't question them... I just let this happen on occasion.

Now tomarrow we are supposed to have company over in the evening. I had plans to get some stuff done outside during the day, but when atlas gets home late and and sleeps in I am left with all the responsibilities that are drowning me...

TMI

2010-04-06T17:54:00.002-04:00

TMI Tuesday #231 - Sexual Healing
1. Name one thing that turns you on with unprecedented success.

Kissing my neck. Especailly from behind, I will instantly get weak in the knees.

2. Quick! Look around you and name 3 ordinary items that could be used sexually.

Candles, Lotion, and a hairbrush?

3. Do you consider sex good even if you don't orgasm?

Yes, I enjoy the leading up to just as much as the actual orgasm. Sometimes that part of it is such a let down anyway.

4. If you could be the opposite sex for one day, what sexual position or act would you like to experience from the other side?

I would definately be all about trying out doggie style and I am sure I would love to recieve some oral.

5.Describe a sexual fantasy in 10 words or less.

Making love on a boat under the stars.

Bonus (optional): Pretend you're a doctor and a patient has come in with an "ache". What is your course of "treatment"?

A good massage that leads to more.

Its the first time in a long time

2010-03-27T23:12:00.002-04:00

That I feel alone. Atlas went out to play poker and I feel like I am alone. He was going to go whether I said so or not. So him asking me permission was just a formality. He had it planned on Tuesday when "ed" who is actually a girl who likes to call Atlas "babe" mentioned a poker game on Saturday. He didn't go out last night because he wanted to go out tonight and he made a point early in the day of mentioning some stuff that was going on in the poker room tonight. So... then what... our children being horrible... nappped late wide awake, iced tea high... and he leaves me. Alone with the kids OUR kids... I decided next weekend its my turn. I will ask him... tell him,that I am going out and he is welcome to join me if HE can find a sitter...

I had a crown and coke so maybe I am talking out my ass but I am here alone. Sitting here watching some stupid movies... while my kids fight eachother over play doh and crayons that I didn't want to open in the first place. Wow. Sometimes I let people walk all over me. What would happen if for one day I stopped doing anyhting, if mom/wife went on strike. I looked out in the kitchen, dinner still in the crockpot, salad still sitting on the counter, dishes in the sink, juice boxes on the table... What if i just walked into my room and went to sleep. Bet when I woke up tomarrow it would all still be there... and it would all sit there until I was so tired of walking by it that I crossed the strike line and worked with the scabs...

Atlas thanked me tonight for dealing with him during this month. Its been a rough month at work for him and I have tried to help. I have dealt with his bad moods adapted and overcame. Next week he is away monday night and then the week after he is away for three days... I don't know if i am looking forward to a break or if I am going to miss him.

Sometimes I just feel like I need a break. Like there are so few people that understand me or what I am going through. I'm a 25 year old mother of two, wife of 6 years, 14 years away from retirement in my career... I don't fit in with the normal 25 year old and sometimes it just sucks. I can't just be a college kid, I can't just be his wife, I cna't just be their mother I have to be everyone's everything.

I look at my children and I well up with tears. I adore them, love them. They are such incredible creatures. Loving, genuine, truthful, full of life, no worries... I just am so in love with my children... then I look at people my age, people in movies ( okay bad example its not real) but still... I want to see things and do things and I am so tied down. If I decide i want to do something I not only have to find someone to watch the kids, I have to find someone to come and take care of the dogs, and the house, I have to make sure its okay for me not to go to class, I have to talk to my boss, I have to benc over backwards and kiss someone's ass just to leave the area...

Im jsut a little overwhelmed... overworked, underpayed, underapprecaited... maybe I am a little resentful... Atlas is out... playing poker... where the girl who runs it calls him "babe" all the TIME! (okay, its wrong but I read his text messages). If you really think its wrong of me ask for more information... I have my reasons. He works until 8/9pm every night and i am locked down at home...

Wow... maybe its too much for now. I'm sure its the alcohol in me but its something I need to get off my chest, at least online so that i can tuck it all back in before Atlas gets home tonight. Or maybe I should bring it up to him... Tell him I need more help, I need more from him... I need a break. Mom's going on strike... at least after the kids go to bed and until they wake up...

weekend preview

2010-03-26T11:43:00.002-04:00

...

Yeah that's about it. Well, we have some common household chores that we are going to try and knock out, but other than that adventures are kinda out this weekend. Easter Egg hunt for the kiddos at the local VFD that Atlas is a memeber of. Atlas has some work to catch up on on Saturday but maybe sunday we can squeeze in some alone time.

Sorry I haven't been posting HNT's recently. I've been pretty busy with school and dr appt on thursday but I should be good to go for this coming week. I had another follow up yesterday the surgeon took out my last set of stitches and gave me the okay to shower again... yes I have not showered in 2 weeks so that may also add to the lack of HNT pictures. sponge bathing does not make me feel sexy nor does taking a bath. I do enjoy a bubble bath every now and again but I have a hard time getting over the idea of sittin in your own dirt and skin flakes and whatever other bodily fluids, functions that were on your skin when you got in that hot steamy bubbly water. So, I'm feeling good again, got the okay to start working out again on Monday, wants me to be careful still, no jumping, no pushups but its a start. The swelling is pretty much subsided and I think I am about the size I will end up being. Its nice. and I am excited and happy I did it.

Its been awhile...

2010-03-22T17:44:00.002-04:00

Having small children in the house sometimes makes it difficult to find quiet alone time to attack atlas. So last night after I put the kids both to bed with my grandma ( who lives with us) I brushed my teeth pulled up my hair washed my face put my hair down, brushed it and climbed into bed next to atlas. I grabbed one of my books and started to study for the test that I had today. Studying did not last long though. Atlas was on the computer on his side of the bed and I saw my oppertunity. He was much involved in what he was doing on the computer and I was ready to attack. He had the laptop balanced on one knee which was bent upward and the other lay flat. This was the proper position for me to go behind/ beneath the laptop and gently flick the tip of his cock. He moaned and i heard his tapping on the keyboard become slower and a bit labored. I was able to take each of his balls into my mouth one at a time and suck on them. I moved back to his cock and took it in my mouth. THe laptop closed and was set on the bedside table. His full attention was on what i was doing. His eyes rolled back as I moved over his cock. I climbed on top of him and slid him inside me. This is the first time since surgery that I have been on top during sex. He took the oppertunity to cup my breasts and flick my nipples with his tounge. I have to admit my breasts are a bit more sensitive since the surgery. Snensitive in a good way. So as we are really getting into it, we both hear it. Tiny fit on the tile in the kitchen heading our direction. Crying toddler on his way into our bed. So we stop... right there, right in the middle, what else is there to do. I pull on some clothes and go get my son and put him in bed next to me. He is asleep within 3 minutes. Now what, we are both unsatisfied and now there is a small child in our bed. Atlas guides me to the couch that is in front of our bed. He bends me over the couch and enters me from behind. It doesn't take long before we both cum. Me slightly before him. Its easy for me to cum when Atlas fucks me from behind. Its a good angle I love to feel his hand on my shoulders or hips.

So, not that its been awhile since we had sex just been awhile since I wrote about it. I really dislike being interrupted but with kids what can you do? I know its only a matter of time before they are grown enough that they won't want to be in our room and I take that in stride when they sneak into our room in the middle of the night. It won't last forever and I'm sure its something I will miss... well sometimes.

The healthcare reform bill passed... great... so now what... I am interested to see how this effects me and my family. I am upset about it and I will make sure to cast my votes in movemeber against the congressmen and women in my case that voted yes. THe congressmen(women) in the area voted 2 yes and 2 no. So I know who I am voting for then. I am making Chicken and Dumplings for dinner and Atlas and I are starting our INsanity workout tonight. THere is a hockey game on tonight!!! YAY! I love hockey.

I went to Lowes today in between my classes. I had a few things I wanted to pick up. If I was single Lowes is definatley the place to go to pick up men in the middle of the day.. Hell I probbaly could of picked up a couple of them today if I wanted. Some older gentlemen asked me if I needed any help ( he didn't work there). i said, "No thanks, I think I got it under control" he replied " I like a woman who has everything under control" LOL Thanks. I bought some landscaping rocks, some hinges, and latches, some spackling, and some more seeds. Our spring projects are underway. We did get the goats fence up on Saturday but it is not in working order quite yet, 3 days in the sun charging before we can use it. So I will let you know how it goes.

Don't talk politics or religon

2010-03-21T18:58:00.002-04:00

In a bar... I used to bartend prior to my current career. But this isn't a bar. I usually do not get too involved in politics or politians but this healthcare reform blows my mind. I see bad things on the horizon and I am young enough to see bad things in the future for this. My current career gives me great insurance, full coverage for everything, perscriptions, hopitalizations, well appointments, whatever. So I have yet to understand life without insurance. I'm sure its horrible. I'm sorry that some people can not afford to go to the doctors but I do not think that universal healthcare is the right direction to take. Its going to cause a huge(er) national deficet. Its going to cause issues for my children. I just wanted to vent a little. I know there is nothing that I can do now, the vote is about to happen, and its too late. What a scam.

Tuesday evening blahs

2010-03-16T21:12:00.002-04:00

I went to school on Monday and today. I came home sorer yesterday than I did today. I came home monday, took my antibiotics, a pain pill, took the wraps off and just sat naked on the couch. My daughter came in and noticed I still have not gotten off all the marker from the sides of my breasts and told me that I shouldn't draw on myself that papa would be angry. It made me laugh and made my day. What a precious little creature my daughter is. Today I came home, loaded the dishwasher, the laundry, and planted some herbs, spices, and flowers. The weather is finally breaking and it won't be long befor I can get the flowers and veggies in the ground. We have a lot of projects for this spring and summer. We need to build out goats a new home as the snow this winter has caved in part of the roof in our small barn. We also want to fence them to 3 acres because I am tired of them pooping on my sidewalk. Any ideas about the best way to fence in goats? They aren't meat or diary goats, they are really just pets. I also want to get chickens because I love fresh eggs but I do not want chicks, I just want to start with something that is laying eggs not something else I need to raise. We did chickens once before, we ended up with about 80 of them in the freezer which was delish. We also did turkey which didn't work out as well since a cyote got in the coop and killed our tom. We have to get the garden back up. I have a hottub I need to get rid of, a 3800sqft deck that needs pressure washed and stained and did i mention I live in a log home that needs washed, sealed and stained this spring... Yep... big plans big plans... I also am in the hunt for a new rifle.

I am feeling good, boobs are looking great, I cleaned out my bra drawer today, and thursday I should be able to shower, and buy new bras. YAY!!!! I'm excited to get some brandy new lingerie and bathing suits!!! Atlas and I are also going to start a new workout program. Have you seen the late night Insanity infomercial?? yeah that one. Got it from a friend of a friend for cheaper than they sell if for online. We are going to start it monday, there is some stuff I wont be able to do right away while I am recovering but I can do the abs, and pylometric stuff, I just need to be careful with the jumping bouncing and arm work outs for a couple more weeks.

Day 3 Post Op

2010-03-12T21:54:00.002-05:00

I'm feeling really good today. I did take 2 small naps during the day and spent more time than usual on the couch but feeling pretty good. I took off the bandages and let the girls out for a while today too. Atlas asked our daughter if she noticed anything differnt about mama and she said " she has marker on her, and you told us not to play with markers." So cute and so strange that she didn't mention the increase in my bust. Our son just wanted to touch them and asked if he could nurse again. Also cute, but strange that seeing large breasts on me makes him want to nurse. I also got the guts to measure myself while Atlas ran to the store. I was worried it was going to come out to a 36DDD. Not that there is anything wrong with that but it would look slightly silly on me. I am a 36 Full C small D. I am super excited because that it the exact size I was going for. I even have bras from before that should still fit me. I did manage to get some homework done today and plan on knocking out more Saturday and Sunday. I did plan on spending the majority of spring break doing homework but I was not feeling like doing homework this week. Go figure. But I'm doing well, feeling good, and taking it easy.

Updates

2010-03-11T22:54:00.003-05:00

Today I am feeling a lot better than I was yesterday. Took some pain meds after dinner but that was also after doing a load of laundty and making spaghetti, picking up my son and watching the hockey game. Other than being sore I really am feeling wuite well. I got to see the new girls for the first time today.
I was kind of horrified at first, being wrapped tightly in an ace bandage for 2 days does not do a body good, however after only a few minutes my bust was settling where it should. They looked like mountains at first looking down then I looked in the mirror. It was almost the exact size they were while I was breastfeeding. A little bigger but I am swollen. I am not black and blue, or bruised. Since I left the Dr. I still have one wrap lightly around my chest but man, they look. My right breast is a bit firmer and feels a bit tighter. I guess that is because naturallt that breast was always smaller so to compensate the implant was larger and that breast never really did get anywhere near the same size as the other. So far I am really really impressed adn I believe that it will only get better. I still feel a bit swollen, between the IV fluids and how much water I drank I think I have some serious fluid to lose but nothing I am worried about right now. I just want to heal and get back to normal new boobies and all. I will get some pictures soon!!!

I made it.

2010-03-09T18:40:00.002-05:00

So I am home and in bed, ate dinner, beenup to the bathroom and I am feeling rather okay. My chest isn't really sore, but my heels, my left arm and the beck of my head are... I guess they aren't real good with surgical positioning. Everything went rather well, I was there at 615, filled out some papers, talked with the doc, he marked my chest, then talked with anesthesia and at around 815 I walked to the surgical suite. I got on the table they started an IV and I really don't remember anything after that. I remember waking up in recovery, I was dressed and sitting in a wheel chair, no idea how I got there or dressed, shoes and all. I zoned the entire way home, couldn't walk straight coming in the door so Atlas basically carried me. When I got in the door I didn't make it past the kitchen sink before I threw up. Well, at least it was in the sink and it was only water... I hadn't eaten since yesterday at dinner. I got to bed, and passed out, in and out of it. Atlas brought me dinner, and refilled my water twice, he helped me to the bathroom and basically watched over me. I just looked at my implants cards to see what the fill volume was and he went slightly larger than we had first discussed which I am okay with.
I think the complaint that I heard the most when doing research was " I should have gone bigger". I am wrapped with an ace bandage and other bandages so I will not get to see my new girls until Thursday when I go in for my follow up. Im super excited and feeling pretty good minus the sorness from the poor positioning.

Surgery updated

2010-03-08T16:10:00.002-05:00

I just got a call from my Surgeon and he asked me if I would be able to come in at 615am instead of 2pm. He said it would work out better for everyone. I jumped at that chance because although I am sure I would be able to go without eating from midnight tonight till after surgery I am a fat kid at heart I am really love to eat. Soooo... getting closer, got the house spic and span and I am on my way drop off the kiddos. Thanks for the good wishes!

Busy week last week Busty week this week

2010-03-08T07:50:00.002-05:00

So tomarrow is the big day. Literally the big day. Last week was pretty full and that is my excuse for not being on here a lot. I had papers to write, midterms to study for as well as an arsenal of things to complete around the house. We usually have a rather large garden and my daughter and I spent a day starting our seeds. After the puppy fanasco we spend a day scrubbing walls in a basement room that was used as a kennel, that job still continues as we will be patching holes today and hopefully Atlas will pain the room while he is off this week.

Atlast went to work today but it is his last day for the week. I drop the kids off at my mom's tonight and I don't have surgery until 2pm tomarrow afternoon. By then I will have the house completely in order. I have two big trays of lasanga, bought new pillows, made ice packs. I will finish up the laundry and the household chores this evening before dropping off the kids and then I plan on spending the night making love, and enjoying a night alone before I am sore tomarrow. I'm quite excited and I'm not making any secret about it. I have talked to most of my family... except my dad about it and everyone seems pretty supportive, and a couple have even seeemed a bit jealous.

The weekend

2010-03-01T09:22:00.002-05:00

Friday night was a blast. Atlas came home from work early, we cooked steaks on the grill (in the snow again), baked potatoes, asparagus, homemade rolls and a bottle of blackberry wine. Shortly after dinner we had the children showered and into bed with grandma. Sweet, we popped in Paranomal Activity and crawled into bed. It wasn't a great movie, but it wasn't bad. It was a little too Blair Witch Project for me but what the heck. Mid movie Atlas dove under the covers and attacked me. In my mildly inebraiated state I came rather quickly. Atlas has learned that unless he wants to hold me down, trying to immediately progress past my first orgasm is pretty useless because I squirm and buck and I'm just overly too sensitive to continue to be licked adn flicked and whatever else he is doing. So I decided while I was recovering that I would return the favor. I rolled him onto his back and began to suck his cock. He leaned his head back and closed his eyes. He reached over and stuck two fingers inside of me and then he wrapped his hand around his cock. When I took his fingers in my mouth he had had enough and he grabbed my hips and placed me on top of him. I slid him deep inside me and rode him reverse cowgirl until again Atlas rolled me onto my back and climbed on top of me. He fucked me hard and for longer than I expected. I thought that he was nearing the end when he rolled me onto my back but I was pleasantly surrpised. The angle that he was entering me was extremely pleasurable and I came shortly before he did. He rolled to my side and we happened to catch the end of the movie. I fell asleep shortly after that. When i woke up Atlas was already in the process of attacking me. I was sound asleep when he pulled my shorts down to my knees and entered me from behind. I could hear our children scamper across the floor in the kitchen but it felt so good to have him again that I couldn't keep my mouth closed. Atlas reached around and cupped his hand over my mouth which just made it hotter. One hand over my mouth, one working on my clit... Atlas is so good at multitasking... heheh. After all of that I cleaned myslef up and made breakfast, bacon eggs, and toast. Atlas went outside to plow the driveway... again... The rest of the day was spent in doing not much of anything.
Watched the Curious Case of Benajamin Button, *waste of 3 hours* made venison roast in homemade saurkraut and mashed potatoes for dinner and I went to sleep rather early. Atlas went over to the Firehall to play cards for a bit. He was home before I got up to go to the bathroom at 2 and he had money in his pocket so it was a good evening.

Last night however was one of the few times that I get frustrated with Atlas. Maybe he portrays what I say the wrong way, maybe I portray what he says the wrong way, either way it just gets frustrating sometimes. I was quite horny last night. I wanted Atlas like you wouldn't believe. I told him that I was just going to take it, he just had to lay there, that he didn't even have to enjoy it. He denied me. Asked me not to, said he was tired, he had to be up early, it was late, blah blah blah blah, every excuse possible. I said "I'll be quick" His reply was "You aren't ever really quick"... true statement, it does take me a while to get there sometimes but lets face it, at least I get there. my reply, "its 90 percent mental. sometimes I just need to concentrate on it" That too is true, I can be really really enjoying sex and I will hear a weird noise, the kids, the dogs, and i concerntrate on something else for a minute and i've lost it. "So you are thinking about other things when we are having sex?" Atlas asked... What is my reply to that? Yes Atlas, sometimes after a long day of cleaning and cooking adn taking care of children, adn going to school, or whatever else I have to do that particular day I am still thinking about something else when we are having sex. When I have a big exam or a million and a half things to do the next day I took am not concentrating on exactly what is going on.... So at that the horniness that I had was extinguished. I got out of bed, put on pajamas and went and got a glass of tea, took a benadryl, and laid down in bed... When I woke up this morning Atlas was already getting ready to walk out the door, "Sorry I didn't hump you lst night." "No problem, I took care of it on my own." Which I didn't I simply went to sleep. " I figured as much." "Someone had to." We both laughed, kissed and he went off to work.

HNT, The Rice Test

2010-02-25T09:41:00.003-05:00

Today is my second consult with the surgeon. I was told by a friend to try "the rice test" to see if the size and everything is what I wanted. The idea of the test is so much rice is equal to so many cc's. So you use a knee high fill it with the desired amount of rice and test it in your bra. The surgeon said 350-400cc's is what he would suggest for me so i tried it and it looked okay. I mean it is rice and it was shoved in my bra like a teenager stuff tissues down there but it looked good and I am getting more excited everyday. Its snowing... AGAIN. Supposed to get another 6+ inches. When will it ever end??? Blah, I say that now but when spring comes there are more chores to do and more work needs done... but it would be outside work... sigh... I can't wait.

Happy HNT!!!

TMI Tuesday

2010-02-23T08:33:00.002-05:00

Well I am not a big fan of the questions, my answers were kinda unorigonal and lame and I didn't feel like typing about it. How is everyone out here in blogland? I am doing well, getting back into the swing of classes although this classload seems to be a lot mildly than last semesters. This is my most unfavorite time of the year. The snow, is begining to melt (which i love) but now is muddy, and dirty. The whitness is tinged with road crud and the reminst of salt, sand, and ash that was spread on the roads. The roads are a mess, pothold big enough to lose one of my Silverado tires in, and half the road scraped up and pushed to the side of the road by the plows.

I am looking forward to spring. I got out all of my seeds, sat down and planned out our garden. I will probably plant them later on this week. I can't wait to get down in the garden in the dirt, walk between the rows of vegtables that are all home grown. I love putting on my "shit kicker" boots and a bikini top and working in the yard. I can't wait to open up the pool and let the cool water rinse over my sunburned back. I look forward to sneaking out of the house stripping all of my clothes off and swimming at night. To tan topless on the deck, and to enjoy all that summer has to offer. Right now I peer out the window, and all I see are shades of grays. The skins not blue, the sun doesn't shine, the trees have no leaves and the snow isn't even white anymore. Please spring show up soon!

Im not sure if any of that is really TMI but its what I am feeling right now. The winter just seems to drag on.

HNT, Thinking warm and sunny thoughts

2010-02-18T17:54:00.002-05:00

So... today was my appointment with the surgeon and he actually made it. So Atlas and I were pleasantly surprised. He seems to be really good, over 13,000 breast augmentations. He listened to what I wanted and he spent a good hour and a half one on one with us. He did an exam and measurements and we discussed everything. We set up a March 9th at 2pm. He is going to do the incison under the breast, and use a mentor saline implant. The surgery takes place in the surgical suite in his office. He has a full staff and preforms surgery there 4 days a week. I am starting to get super excited. We have another consult next week that talks about all of the risks and everything that goes with it. It also is to discuss everything leading up to the surgery I guess there is special soap that he wants me to use for like 2 weeks and he said he has a very strict procedure. I am really really glad Atlas was able to go with me. It is really awesome that he is so supportive through this. He told the Dr that this is not his idea that he loves me just how I am and that this is something that I want for me. The surgeon said that my breasts are very normal and that I simply lost fullness due to having children. Well... duh! I breastfed for 4 years and was a D now that I have stopped and the milk went away I am about a small B. He said that the implants will make me a full C small D. He specailizes in natural looking bresats and said that if I want something larger he is not the right surgeon for us. So... next week is another consult and the surgery needs to be paid in full at that time. We have the money in the bank so... that is not a problem. Wow. I can't believe this is really happening. I'm really starting to get excited. I think Atlas is starting to get excited over it too. He's not a boob man he is all about a nice ass but I think he will really apprecaite a nice rack :) I know I do.

Happy HNT!!! (Picture taken last may)

I need some advice.

2010-02-17T18:42:00.005-05:00

So tomarrow is my consult with the surgeon. I am sure that this is what I want to do. The hardest thing for me to deal with is the fact that I am going to a decent amount of money on it. I can think of one hungred things better to spend the money on but really... when is the next time I am going to have the time, money, and support to do this? So I am going to talk to the Doctor tomarrow and see what he thinks would be best. I want to be a full C small D. That's what I was when I was breastfeeding so I know I have the "room" for it, I am 5'7 so I know I have the frame to carry that without looking funny or tipping over. I will definately keep everyone updated after my appointment and let you know what is going on. I am very excited. Atlas is going to take off work to go with me, he said that it is important for him to be there for me, to know that he is supportive. LOL... either that or he just doens't want me topless around another man without him there. Haha, either way I am glad he is going to go.

In other news I think I need some advice. There are some people that are coming back to town and have mentioned they wanted to get together with Atlas (via facebook). When I say people I mean girls. Girls he went to high school with. I am 7 years younger than Atlas so just to put things in perspective when he was going to prom I was 5th grade. When he was learning to drive I was learning to multiply. LOL. Anyway, They invited him out to eat one night and to go bowling the next. They said he can birng me but their spouses are staying home with their kids. *Yes they are all married* Okay, am I sounding childish?
I just do not know how comfortable I am going to be around these girls. Oh did I mention that, one girl is the first girls he ever made out with, and one girl is the girl he lost his virginity to, and one girl gave him and his best friend head in the same day at her house, one girl gave him unwantedness when she cheated on his friend with him. I must have forgotten to share that. So, it doesn't sound like the most respectable group of women, definatly not the kind of girl I was in high school. Definatly not the kind of people I hung out with then or now. Granted people change and they are grown women with husbands and children and lives but still... Does anyone else think it is going to be mildly uncomforatble while they are all laughing and joking around talking about things that happened when I was too young to even know what they are talking about? Or is that the point, that was then and he is with me now???
I tried to explain it to Atlas, I said " would you want to hang out with the guy I lst my virginity to, and the first guy I made out with in the same room at the same time" he said " it wouldn't bother me." He doesn't understand and maybe I am overreacting, overthinking it. I agreed to go with him, more to satisfy him than to actually meet these people. He sais that if I didn't go he wasn't going at all. He swears we will have fun but I don't see this ending well. I'm not worried about him wanting them or getting feelings for them or even lusting... Its not like that, he knows what he has and I know he doesn't want anything more so what is it in me that is telling me this isn't going to be fun.

Any advice would help. I told him I would go but still... I'm weary.

Its easier to keep up than catch up

2010-02-16T10:55:00.002-05:00

So I decided I was not trecking out into the 6+ inches of fresh snow to drive an hour each way, probably more since the roads are bad, to sit in a class that I don't enjoy and don't need to be in. Its been a while since I made an actual post but its been difficult with all the snow and kids and atlas at home non stop. Lets see, two fridays ago we got slammed with snow. 24 inches in one night. So by monday nothing was really cleaned up so school was canceled for the little one. I still managed to make it to my fill day of classes, then tuesday word was another storm was coming, and it did , dropping another 6-8 inches of snow. Yikes. No school for me or the kids for the rest of the week. Atlas didn't make it to work on Wendesday. Thursday was to be my consult with the surgeon but he was unable to make it so I also didn't make it. It was rescheduled for this thursday but I did manage to set a surgery date with the secretary in case I decide i like this guy and want him to do the surgery. Its March 9th and 2pm. Sooo I will keep everyone updated. Friday Atlas had a Dr appointment and everything went really well. We spent much of the day out and about.
As we were driving home from the Dr Appointment the Oscar Meyer Weiner Mobile drove by us!!!! It was so funny, I pulled out my phone and snapped a quick picture. The license plate said "Bologna". Yes. It was the high light of my day. Saturday was Atlas' birthday and the day before Valentine's day. We didn't make any plans other than finding a babysitter so we spent some of the night wandering around looking for a place to eat. We decided on a Mexican restraunt, and started with margaritas and crown and coke. After dinner we went to a local bar and had a few drinks, mind you its still snowing, there was no one there but us so we left and went to another bar, more people, Atlas played a few games of pool and then we went to a hotel for the night.
Both of us a bit buzzed we fell into the bed almost too tired to do anything. I couldnt let that happen though, it was afterall Atlas' birthday, or valentine's day or somewhere in between. So I climbed between his legs and gave him, I'd have to say the best head I have ever given anyone in my life. Well, that's my opinion at least, Atlas was quite satisfied and we both passed out soon after that. I was awaken the next morning to Atlas' hand between my legs. I climbed on top of him and began to ride him. There was a lot of position changes, it was a lot of fun.
Atlas and I came together, I was laying on my stomache, Atlas had his hand firmly on my upper back holding me down. It is by far my favorite position. We cleaned up, got dressed and was on our way home by 9am. We stopped at the grocery store, bought 2 dozen eggs, bacon, bread, milk, coffee and oj. We went home and made an awesome breakfast together.
Later that night we watched Couples Retreat, funny, actually i laughed to the point of tears on two occasions but not as funny throughout the movie. We cuddled up in bed and just held eachother that night. Happy Valentine's Day!

That brings me to today, playing hooky, well kind of. Its not worth me wrecking my truck, that is paid off, for the sake of sitting in a class I don't like or have a test in. I do have a midterm tomarrow so I will have to study in alittle bit but I did promise the kids I'd make cookies today. Hopefully I will be able to write again soon.

TMI Tuesday

2010-02-16T08:55:00.002-05:00

TMI Tuesday #227 - Fat Tuesday Edition

The Valentine's Day Edition.

Have you had sex with another person in 2010? Have you passed on an opportunity to sex with another person in 2010?

Sex with another person? Like not by myself or not with Atlas? I did not have sex with anyone other than Atlas in 2010, 2009, 2008, 2007,2006,2005, and 2004... wow... Have I passed on the opportunity to have sex with anyone else? Not that anyone was throwing them selves at me but I am a girl, a decent looking girl, and Im sure if I was looking for it, it wouldn't be hard to find... *but I'm not looking*

What is the funniest thing you have ever said or done during sex? (Orgasmic facial expressions do not count.)

I'm not sure what the funniest thing I have ever said or done during sex is. I know Atlas and I laugh during sex on a regular basis. I think it is important to enjoy each other and be comfortble even if you do do something funny.

What is the first thing you notice about a member of the opposite sex?

I am a big fan of big guys. I like a man that I can feel safe and protected around. So I guess *size* is the first thing I notice. I notice eyes a lot. I am a big hockey fan and I am always picking out someone's eyes as they are playing.

What is the best pick-up line you have ever heard? Every used? Ever been used on you?

I was a bartender for a while and I heard a lot of them. Cheesy cheesy lines. " Are your pants mirrored? -- What are you talking about--" Becuase I can see myself in them". I have never had to use a pick up line. I am more of a smile and glance at you kinda girl. I can do some serious flirting with my eyes.

Where is the most unique you have ever had sex?

Hmmm... Like I have mentioned previously on this blog I am alittle lame when it comes to places to have sex. Atlas and I had sex in our car, in the middle of our driveway, in the middle of the day once before we got home to relieve the babysitter from her duties. We have had sex in the pool on many occassions, we attempt the shower but our height differences usually makes it uncomfortable, in the bathroom at a hotel while our friends and my mother were in the other room, but unique... Sorry, I'm kinda lame.
Bonus (as in optional): Do you pee in the shower? If so, has any SO known that you pee in the shower? Has any SO peed in the shower?

Hahahah, that's so funny. I do not pee in the shower as I usually shower with both of my children and the height differences make it inappropriate to pee in the shower. Atlas does pee in the shower and he makes a point of peeing on my feet if i am in there. I think he likes that i squeal and punch him when he does it. Gross I know but if its far from the worst thing I will ever have on my feet.

Happy Birthday Atlas.

2010-02-13T08:51:00.003-05:00

It is Atlas' Birthday so I will make this short and sweet as I believe we have a day of events planned. He is the man that makes me giggle like a little girl and laugh until tears roll down my cheeks. He gives me butterflies when he looks at me from across the room. I can read his eyes and know what he wants. He makes my toes curl, my legs shake and my heart beat faster. He has seen me at my worst, and at my very best. He has picked me up from failure and celebrated my successes with. We have been together through separations (due to work), where i waited by the mailbox for a letter or checked my email 1093857474929342994 times a day just hoping I would see his name. He is my everything, my husband, the father of our children, my lover, and my best friend. Here's to many many many more birthdays together! I love you!

HNT, Snowed In

2010-02-11T11:08:00.002-05:00

Sorry for the lack of self picture but we have been snowed in since last Friday. We have about 32 inches of snow. Kids have not had school all week and I have not had school since Tuesday. Today is my consultant with the surgeon but he is snowed in at his house. The office keeps calling me to update me on his status so we will see if I get to meet him today or not. Atlas has a Dr. appt tomarrow and I will be accompanying him since they are going to loop him up some. Will keep everyone updated. Stay warm! Happy HNT

TMI Tuesday 5

2010-02-09T09:00:00.002-05:00

TMI Tuesday #226 - Deadly Sins Edition (repeat)

1. LUST: Besides your current Significant Other who do you lust for or have you lusted for?

I lust for my spouse A LOT! Like I wish I could have him like 2 three times a day. hehehe. I truthfully don't lust after anyone else. On occassion I really find Johnny Depp (only as Jack Sparrow) to be super delicious. In the past I had a thing for pro wrestlers, but it wasn't a lust thing it was more of a "I want to make out with them and hang out with them, not fuck them kinda thing.

2. GLUTTONY: What food brings out your inner glutton?

Hmmm.. I try really hard to eat well. I love lady locks and just in general good food. I am a big fan of steak and fried foods but I try to eat sparingly what I can.

3. GREED: What are you greedy for?

Time. I always need more time, and more time alone especailly.

4. SLOTH: What is your plan for an ideal day of sloth?

Sleep in, breakfast in bed, nap, do homework, sleep, eat, sleep...

5. WRATH: Describe a time that you let out a can of whoop ass on someone.

I'm not one for physical battles but I have been in a few scuffles in my time. All of them over stupid boys that I was dating... I should of figured then that if someone wanted to fight for them I should of just gave them to them without a fight. Haha, I am pretty vicious with my words when I want to be. I made a grown woman cry in a feminist theory class last year. ( I do not belong in a class like that) We were discussing vegetarian feminism or something like that and someone mentioned men as hunters and women as gatherers. I simply put "I hunt". the girl replied "why do you hunt." "Because we eat it," "You could go to the store and get food there to eat, you don't need to go shoot inocent animals." Brush off how stupid that comment is because it gets much better, I didn't talk about slaughter houses and how gruesome they are. " Population control." " So you hunt to control the population of deer?" "Yes. Haven't you ever hit a deer with your car? There are too many of them" ( I live in PA and it is 3rd in the country for most deer/vehicle accidents). "No and I don't know anyone who has" Now she was just getting stupid. " Has anyone in here hit a deer with there car?" I as well as half the class raises their hand. "Fine, population control like the chinese aborting female fetus' becuase of overpopulation." At this point I just stopped looked at the professor as if asking her if she wanted to stop me. She did nothing " Yes, just like that. So the next time a chinese woman runs out in front of my car while I am driving down a back road I will start hunting them too, if that will make you feel better. " THe girl got teary eyed and stood up to walk out of the room, that's when the professor stepped in.

6. ENVY: Who or what do you envy? Why?

On occassion I envy couples iwth no children for the simple fact that they can do what they want, whenever they want. But then I see my kids and I know that perhaps they want exactly what I have.

7. PRIDE: Have you ever had to swallow your pride? What are you proud of?

hmmm... In my profession I had to go through a time when all I did was swallow my pride. Every part of who I was or what I was proud of before was ruined. But from that experiance I learned, I grew and I became a stronger, prouder, and better person.

HNT 4, a pair of jeans that fit just right

2010-02-04T09:54:00.005-05:00

Atlas left this morning and won't be back until tommarow afternoon. We are expecting A LOT of snow tomarow and into Saturday. Sounds like a good time to get snowed in. I slept so amazing last night. Then this morning I was awoken the best way that I can think of. I heard Atlas lock our bedroom door as he came back to bed after his shower. He started kissing my neck from behind and pulled down my shorts. He slid his naked body against mine. "I want you." he whispered in my ear. "I'm all yours." I said sleepily.

Happy HNT!!!!

2010-02-02T19:55:00.004-05:00

Wendesday is such a long day for me. I try to prepare myself mentally for the 13 hours of school that I have to sit through but I have no one to blame but myself for the scheduling. However I would rather go 1 day a week for that many hours than 5 days a week for 2 hours, considering I drive 45 minutes to and from school.

Everything on the homefront has been pretty normal, pretty stable. Atlas has to go away for work on Thursday and Friday. Spouses were invited and encouraged to come however... I was unable to find a babysitter and when I did find a sitter for both days I was unable to find someone to come and let our dogs out/ stay at our house with the puppies. What a scam huh? Atlas gets to go to a ski resort for 2 days, dinner, drinks, hotel room and I get to stay home with the kiddies and dogs. I know I know don't bitch its for work... but come on! Its like a mini vacation, dinner and drinks and 4 hours of meetings in 2 days... Scammers.

Anyway, I started that last night and will finsih it now (WED.). I left school early today because I wasn't feeling well. Last night Atlas had a minor could of been major issue with one of his employees, which he had to attend to. So he didn't get home till after 1am. I didn't go to sleep until around 11 and when he got home I woke up to talk to him.

We made love last night. Like passionate, intimate, missonary position, quiet middle of the night sex. It was perfect. Atlas came home in a sour emotional mood and I comforted him, I gave him the best advice that I could, and I listened to him talk through his thoughts. Then we were cuddling and I looked at him and said " Why don't you get under the covers and make out with me." He looked at me, " why don't you get under my cover and make out with me." I slid my shorts off and climbed out from my covers and under his. We faced eachother and he took my face in his hands and we kissed. He looked in my eyes and he told me how much he loved me. I kissed him, and he rolled me on my back and climbed between my legs. He kissed my neck and pulled my t-shirt up exposed my breasts. He sucked on each of them and moved back to my face. I kissed his neck and his shoulder as he moved over top of me. In the end we came together in and laid together for a few minutes before exhaustion got the best of us. I was awoken around 4 when our youngest came scampering in. He crawled in bed with me and I was unable to go back to sleep before the alarm went off at 5am for me to get ready for school.

I only stayed at school long enough to get through my two tougher classes and then I went home to take a nap which never happened. I drank a Dr. Pepper on the way home and had enough energy to get the laundry done, the dishwasher loaded, the upstairs vaccuumed and red up enough to relax. After I finish this blog I am going to start working on my homework as I have enough of it to keep me busy for a long while. I also have to try and think of something interesting for HNT tomarrow. Hmmm... any suggestions?

TMI Tuesday 4

2010-02-02T09:38:00.002-05:00

TMI Tuesday #225 - Six Degrees Edition

1. What famous people share your birthday? Any the same year as well as day?

I googled this to find someone. And truthfully it was no one that I knew. My birthday is November 16th. I figured there would be a lot more considering its like 9 months after Valentine's day.

2. Have you ever shared an address (before, during or after) with anyone famous?

That is definatly no. I have lived in some pretty lame places.

3. Who else has your name? (Google yourself and see who else shows up)

There is no one that has the same name as me. But there is a model (smoking hot BTW) who has the same first name as myself.

4. Test the Six Degrees theory. Do you know someone who might know someone who might know someone who might know someone who might know someone who knows President Obama? How about, say Dolly Parton?

President Obama... definately. I have friends that work at the white house who I'm sure knows someone who knows someone. Dolly Parton... hmmmm... I know a guy who is in a band who just got signed to a country deal with a record company who I am sure someone there knows someone who knows someone who knows... yeah.

5. Try the sexual version. Have you had sex with someone who might have . . . anyone famous? (e.g. I slept with a woman who had slept with a Hollywood stuntman, who might have....)

Well... I once stayed in the same hotel as some famous people and we hung out in their room but I did not sleep with them and neither did any of my friends... its probably why they invited us out to party again when they came back to town.

Hmmm... This weeks TMI was not really TMI... I did make out with someone who was/is famous once. Still if he is on TV or someone mentions him while I am around Atlas shoots me a funny look. I have pictures to prove too so... Its not just some story I made up.

Weekend review

2010-02-01T09:15:00.002-05:00

I am sure that i could find something more productive to do with this time. My oldest at preschool, my youngest running around with a strawberry rice crispie treat, and in her room, dogs all behaving. I should be doing some homework, or laundry, or dishes or vaccuum this mornings mess but I can't. I just don't feel like it.

This weekend was not productive and really nothing spectacular. It was like a step backward in the progress that Atlas and I have been making. Friday night we had planned a date night but when the sitter fell through we found ourselves sitting on the couch in our bedroom. 8 o'clock and the kids are all asleep in grams bed, Atlas and I are alone. I didn't really feel like just sitting at home and Atlas suggested we just run up the street to a small bar and have a few drinks. I let gram know and we snuck away. The main goal of the night was to get out and enjoy ourselves but before we even got our sandwiches Atlas says, "My dad and everyone are going on a quad trip the week after Easter." "Yea," I said already feeling the tears well up in my eyes just thinking about it. " Yea, that means I can go too or yeah we'll talk about it later." "Yeah we will talk about it later." I didn't want to talk about it, not there, not then, I wanted to have a good time, I wanted to be away from the house and the kids and enjoy eachother but he pushed on. " I figured we could go on vacation the week before anywhere you want and then come back for easter and then I could go with my dad". He always throws in with his dad because I am a sucker for family bonding. "What about the kids." "What about them? We will take them with us." " What kind of vacation is that? If I go on vacation I don't want to chase around a 2 year old or listen to my 4 year old who never stops talking." " I thought it sounded like a good deal, in March you get your boobs done and in April I can go on this trip." Wow, he is already using it against me and I haven't even seen a doctor I have just simply talked about it. The first thing that I have ever wanted to do for myself and he is alreayd using it against me. " I don't wnat to talk about it here." I could feel my face getting red, I was angry, embarressed, and hurt. " When is it my turn, Atlas? Since we have had children I haven't had a break, not a weekend away without at least one of them attatched to my hip." " Well, if I had tits then it would be an issue but I don't." He is referring to the fact that I breastfed our children for four years straight! My daughter didn't give it up until my son was born and my son just stopped in October which is when my daughter turned 4. Since we have had children Atlas has taken multiple bow fishing trips, multiple fishing trips, quad riding trips, as well as being separated on a regular basis for months at a time do to our profession. Everytime I am left, home alone, with our children. " I don't want to talk about it now" and with that it was dropped. I found myself drunk enough by the end of the night to stumble home adn strip my clothes off on the way to our bed. Right as we were starting to get comfortable our youngest comes running into the room, he climbs in bed between us and falls quickly back asleep. Well... We moved down to the couch and finished our business there. After I cleaned myself up I went to lay in bed. Atlas walked to the side of our bed, " Do you care if I go play for alittle while" I looked up, more drunk than asleep... " You didn't have to take me out, get me drunk and screw me just so you could go play tonight. You know I don't care." He kissed my forehead as I passed out. I awoke at 5am to Atlas crawling into bed. He smelled of cigars and poker room. I rolled over our kids would be up within an hour or so and someone has to be a parent.

Saturday came and went with nothing spectular. We picked up Atlas' quad from the shop where it has sat since his last quad trip that blew up the engine. We stopped at his parents "farm" and hung out with his father and uncle. It was a nice day, it was really cold out and the only thing keeping us warm was a woodburner by the time we got home the children were both whooped and quickly changed into pajamas and went to sleep. Atlas dyed my hair, I showered and we watched a movie. When the movie was over I rolled over and he rubbed my back. I fell asleep. I felt Atlas lean over the bed. " Can I go play?" I just aved my hand at him and hardly remember him asking. I woke at 430 when he shut our bedroom door. Sunday is traditionally his day to wake uo with the kids but I knew it wasn't going to happen. I woke up with the kids and made a great breakfast. Some of our friends came over to watch hockey and the probowl. It was a nice day, Atlas fell asleep on the floor with our company still here around 8. They took that as their cue to leave. I woke Atlas up and we went to bed.

Having your Cake...

2010-01-27T19:31:00.003-05:00

Every so often I look around my house and my life with complete satisfaction. I look at my Atlas and know that he is a loving and good husband. Despite his faults he tries and he adores me and he will always take care of me and our family (and he is really good in the sack). I adore our children, healthy, bright, beautiful children. I know everyone thinks their children are the most beautiful and brightest but I know that I am blessed to have them in my life. We own a house that is larger than we need, we have more food than we could eat and we are both employed.

I talk to a lot of people who are so unhappy in their lives. I just don't understand being married to someone who you can not stand. I just don't understand how those people get through their days. I try to pick something to look forward to everyday, dinner with the family, wine with Atlas, cuddling on the couch watching hockey, something no matter how small. I know things aren't perfect and I am okay with that. Atlas and I's relationship is not always perfect but we work through things and we try to communicate everything to each other. I am so in love, with my husband, and with my children.

I often think to myself, that people are not this happy, things just don't work this well. As Atlas and I are cuddling with our 2 rugrats in the middle on Sunday mornings or while we are driving down the road, laughing and singing in the car I wonder why I am so lucky and why others are so miserable. It is as though I am waiting for that reason that proves we are not happy as I thought, that something is wrong and I just don't know about it.

Is it really possible to be this happy, this satisfied or this content?

Do I ask permisson or beg forgiveness?

2010-01-26T08:56:00.002-05:00

I have taken the next step in the breast augmentation ladder. I have researched surgeons and found 3 in my area that I liked. I did a lot of further research on each of them and narrowed it down to 2. One is a male, 30 years experaince, life time warranty on implants, surgeries and repairs, never had a malpractice suit, board certified. The other a female, she is also board certified practing 10 years, no malpractice, she is an hour and a half away, and a friend of mine and her mother both had their surgeries by this woman. I talked to Atlas and he said that he likes the first one better. So I made an appointment and I have a consultation with him on Feb 11. I am super excited, super nervous. I don't know I just have so many thoughts going on right now. Atlas seems like he is more concerned with how we are going to pay for it than anything else. His main question was "How much?" I am sort of offended by that because whenever he wants something he just goes and gets it, a 9000 dollar quad, sure, a 400 dollar fishing pole, no problem, dropping 600-1000 on poker and football a weekend, I don't bitch. Maybe if he took a month off from his activities we wouldn't have to question where the money is coming from. We have half of it in savings, 3 times it in our retirement fund, 3/4 it in my checking account, and we are getting our tax return here in the next month or so. I don't understand the obession over where it is coming from. Worst case scenerio I will take out a loan and pay it back as needed. So far that has been my only cause of sress about the issue.

I was so tired last night I couldn't sleep. Had to take some baby benadryl to put me over the edge to sleep. Atlas usually would do the trick for me but was not feeling well when he arrived home from work so I was left to sit in bed, wide awake. I have to go and get ready for school. I will update again soon.

TMI Tuesday #223 - Masturbation Edition

2010-01-26T08:35:00.002-05:00

TMI Tuesday #223 - Masturbation Edition
1. When you masturbate, how long, typically, is your session and what do you think about (other than having an orgasm)?

It varies in length of time, sometimes only taking a few moments and other times taking alittle longer. Never longer than 15 minutes though.

2. Have you ever been "caught" masturbating?

Caught? I don't think so, and even if it was it wouldn't be considered caught. We are all pretty open about it in my house. Atlas and I both understand that we both have needs and sometimes those needs do not need to be met by our partner sometimes we just haev to do it to get it out of the way.

3. Have you ever masturbated in front of your computer? If 'yes' was it for your own purposes or for someone's viewing pleasure?

Yes, and it was for my own purposes, No one has ever seen me masturbate except maybe Atlas and it never makes it the whole way without him joining in.

4. Have you ever attended a group masturbation party? Same-sex or mixed?

Nope, I have not.

5. When masturbating, as you reach orgasm, do you continue to stimulate yourself without interruption, or do you stop and apply pressure until your spasms subside? Or?

I usually stop until the spasms subside. I am pretty lame I know but at that point I am usually done, roll over and go to sleep.

6. Have you ever video'ed yourself while masturbating (solo)? Where are they now?

Nope, and like I mentioned before it probably wouldn't be that interesting anyway. Oh wait, I send a few short like 30 sec vids to Atlas before when we were separated for work. He deletes them when he returns.

Bonus (as in optional): How often do you use the word "fuck" (or its derivatives) in casual conversation - frequently, occasionally, rarely, never.

Fuck I use a lot more than I should considering the age of my children. Its derivitives I use on a fairly common basis. I have a pretty dirty mouth at times.

Again

2010-01-23T19:30:00.003-05:00

I am sitting on the couch in my bedroom children running around with juiec boxes in hand. I sent Atlas out for the night. I knew he wanted an escape from the craziness that is our home. We had such a nice day together. We woke up, did breakfast, we did dishes and laundry and got the house cleaned up. The kids laid down for a nap and Atlas and I snuck into the shower to get cleaned up. We showered together and then hurried back to our bed for some much needed love making. I was laying on the bed when Atlas climbed on. He climbed between my legs and it only took me a few moments to notice the cough drop he still had in his mouth. It felt so good, cold, hot, cold, hot , Atlas working his mouth over my body. I reached out for his cock and climbed on top on him. Atlas rolled me back onto my back and climbed on top of me. I really enjoy the 69 position when I am on my back and Atlas is on top of me. He was between my legs when the pleasure became too much for me to continue to suck his cock. He slid a finger inside me and it pushed me over the edge. It felt so incredible! Atlas climbed up and kissed my mouth. Long passionate loving kisses. He kissed my neck and spent a long time on each breast. When I leaned up and licked his nipple we both began to laugh. He slid inside me and we both let out a moan. He had my legs on his shoulders as he fucked me from his knees. He slid my legs to the side and pumped harder into me. When he came he collapsed on top of me. I rolled onto my side and within seconds there was small fingers under the door and a small voice asking "What we were doing". We dressed and we all went out to lunch. We spent the rest of the day cuddled together in bed while the kids played around our room. What a lazy, wonderfully perfect Saturday.

It is strange but realizing how unsatisfied some people are in thier lives makes some people appreciate what they have more. Atlas' co-workers are all having issues with their spouses or ex spouses or whatever. It has turned Atlas into a differnt person. He has always loved me, he has always told me how much I meant to him but now he is showing me. I catch him talking to our kids and telling them how much he is in love with their mommy. My daughter told me friday that daddy said that he thought that I was the prettiest girl in the world. It is small things like that, or waking up and a note on the dresser saying have a great day that makes marriage worth all the work that it can sometimes be. Atlas climbs into bed every night and tells me how much he apprecaites me, those are the words that I was missing last year. The words that left me with resentment. And although I am sitting her alone. I am sitting her alone by choice. I wanted my time alone, i wanted to blog, and do homework and enjoy the quiet that fills my house when the children are asleep and the television is off. It is the details that I am picking up on now. Plus... the sex... I mean... wow. :)

My week in Review

2010-01-22T09:37:00.002-05:00

It was a nice week but I am glad it is Friday. Monday was a holiday and it was a nice day to sit at home and relax, well kind of. Atlas did not have to go to work and he got up early and got the kiddos some cereal and got the house moving. He walked up next to my side of the bed and gave me a kiss on the forehead to wake me up. We were sitting on the couch in our bedroom after eating breakfast the kids playing in the livingroom and Atlas looked at me. " You wanna hump?" I looked at him, laughed and said "Of course I do but we don't have time." " I only need a few minutes." he replied." Well that wont get me too far" I started to laugh. Within a second he had pulled me to my feet and shut the bedroom door. With this I was laughing hysterically. "We don't have time for this, the kids are gonna be over in a second." Atlas bent me over the bed and pulled my pajama pants down to my knees. I was suprised but still laughing, I tried to call his bluff. He had his hand on the center of my back pushing me into the bed as he stepped out of his pants. I could feel him hard against me. He pushed into me and I let out a loud moan, no more laughing, he was serious. Atlas' hand remained on my back while the other hand reached around in front of me to work on my clit. Within minutes I had cum. Atlas grabbed me by the hips and slammed into me harder. I reached between my legs and grabs his balls in my hand. When he came I could feel his whole body tremble and he leaned down on top of me on the edge of the bed. Of course at this point small children realize the door is closed and are knocking to make sure " we are alright" "Yes," I replied as I begin to clean up and get dressed "papa was just helping me wake up."

Tuesday was uneventful. I returned to school. My classes and times aren't ideal but it is something that gets me out of the hosue and in turn I get a very good paycheck. Atlas had a late day at work and when he arrived home I was already in bed.

Wendesday is a very long day for me. I leave the house around 6am and do not return until after 6pm. Atlas and I retired to bed around 830 and put in the movie The Hurt Locker. Neither of us made it through the whole movie and it was the best sleep that I have had in a very long time.

Thursday is an easy day for me so after school I took my grandma to her house for the weekend. Atlas arrived home at a normal time and we watched the hockey game together. The kids were asleep in their beds by the middle of the second period so during the intermission we jumped in the shower together. During the third period we enjoyed some "naked hockey" which involves us watching the game together naked. Just imagine, high fives, jumping up and down, yelling at the tv naked hockey. It really is a lot of fun and I would suggest it for any sport. On occasion we would also enjoy "Naked Monday Night Football" depending on who was playing and how interested we are in the outcome determines how much attention we pay to the game. So when the game was fairly decided we retired to bed to finish our naked hockey. By then I was definately looking to score. So Atlas jumped on the bed and i climbed on the bed after him. I climbed up and kissed his neck, and licked his nipples. I climbed between his legs and began to suck his already hard cock. Atlas grabbed my hair and began to pull me up towards his face, I didn't make it the entire way as I slid him inside me. Atlas rubbed my clit as I rode him hard. I came but not completely. Atlas was far from done and he fucked me for a good 20 minutes. At this point I was squatting over him and he was leaning on pillows enjoying the full view of himself entering me. He sat up and I leaned back so I was sitting in front of him. My legs were over his and he held my ass in his hands as he pushed harder and deeper into me. It felt INCREDIBLE! We had done this position a few times before but it was never anything amazing. Last night though, the harder and faster he pushed into me the closer I came to cumming. We came at the same time. He leaned back and i clmibed back on top of him. I rolled off to his side and we laid there for a minute before we both needed a drink of water. It was a very vocal, sweaty incredibly satisfying night of naked hockey.

Happy Friday! Hope everyone has a great weekend!

HNT 2

2010-01-21T08:03:00.002-05:00

Its been a very busy week. Back to school, long days, short evenings, quiet nights. Hopefully I will get a chance to write out a full blog entry later on today but for now I have to get my house up and running before I get going.
Happy HNT everyone!!!!

TMI Tuesday 3

2010-01-19T08:25:00.002-05:00

1. Ideal amount of sex per week?

Idealy I could go everyday, probably twice a day but with our schedules and our children, stress and time constraints I think 4-5 times a week is ideal. Its about what Atlas and I are able to get in,sometimes more, sometimes less. There is always a lot of sexual energy between us.

2. Ever had an online affair?

Hm, No I haven't. I usually don't get close to people online. When I was young, I'd say 14 there was a boy who I talked to through thick and thin. His name is Marcus, we have never met, but we stay in contact on occassion. If I had to say I ever had feelings for anyone online it would of been him and it was years ago and it was simply because we kept each other sane through our crazy teenage years.

3. Are you a member of the mile high club?

Can't say that I am. I really was never too adventureous sexually. Atlas and I recently fucked in our car and it was the first time I ever had sex in the car so, it would probably take some serious convincing for me to try it on a plane.

4. Are you predjudice against any particular group of people?

Unfortuately I think I am. It is not a racial thing, it is not a class thing. In my line of work I just don't like working with older adults (elderly). I'm sorry, I know I am going to be old someday, and I am trying ot get better at it, I am taking classes to help educate me and I truly try.

5. What constitutes bad sex?

Bad sex? When neither person gets off? I swear, my first boyfriend and I had sex for probably a year before he was ever able to get off. Weird huh? I think maybe there is something wrong with him now that I look back on it. I was always able to get off but he never did. I don't think that my husband and I have ever really had "bad" sex. We are very comfortable with eachother and I just don't think it is possible for us to have bad sex.

Bonus (as in optional): Can females ejaculate?

I'm sure we can.

Can you do this?

I don't think I can. Is it something I have to concentrate on to do or something that would just do? I just don't think its for me.

Fake Blog, blog closing and boobs

2010-01-19T07:58:00.005-05:00

So I like to read a lot of blogs. Some I try and follow, some drag me so deep into their lives that I feel like I can see what they are going through. Recently I was checking on Megan's Polyblog, it seemed like she was an honest girl who left an unsatisfying life and joined a poly family as the third wife. Since her union with the family she has discussed the family's losses such as death of parents and miscarriages and gains including pregnancies and a new wife. Her blog seemed very open often allowing readers to ask questions and comment mostly unrestricted. So, I check on her blog a few days ago to see that she added a photo of her ultrasound. Very cool I thought until I read some of the comments. One commenter states that she stole the ultrasound picture from another family and that she is in fact a fake. They publish the URL to where the photo was stolen from and sure enough, same photo. Hmmm, so, I check back later to see if maybe she had a clarification for the imagine to find the blog deleted, then I accidently click on that blog this morning and find it has been moved to private. Strange. I feel kind of cheated but its not like it was someone I knew for real...
Another one of my favorite blogs seems to have come to a close, http://marriedexploits.blogspot.com/. What an incredible blog, what an incredible journey. I would just like to thank Penelope and Odysseus for sharing thier journey and thier lives with the world. I can only with them the best of luck and the happiest future together and with their daughter.
In completely differnt subject I am going to be making an appointment for a consultation for a cosmetic surgery. I want to have my boobs done. I have decided that it is something that I want. I have pushed the idea around since I have had children. I was a very petite girl prior to children, 5'7' a size zero waist and an a cup chest. I was fine that way. Frist baby comes and I go from an A to a D cup. Baby 2 comes and I stay relatively the same. My children now both fully weaned for 3 months ( no plans for any more children, we are quite happy with what we have and I feel complete) my D cups are somewhere around a B cup. Although I am still fairly small size 3 wasit, I miss my full breasts. My husband is very supporitve and asked only that I sell him on why I want this surgery. He says I am perfect the way I am, blah blah blah. He just wanted to make sure I was able to verbalize why I want this because it is not something that someoen should just jump into without clearly thinking it through.
So I talked to him about it. I said that this is something that I want to do for me. Not for the kids, not for him, just for me. It is something that no one could take from me, that is mine. The only problem I have in my head is that someday I will have to expain this procedure to my daughter and why I did it.
I want to be able to do this over spring break since i am not going to be going anyhwere, that would give me a week and a half to heal, then 2 weeks of school then easter break. It would be perfect timing then I think that I should be basically healed come summer and swimming and all that fun stuff. Any input would rock as I am very open on this subject. I am quite nervous considering how serious this surgery is but I am sure that this is something that I want. Happy Tuesday!

Lifeless friday night

2010-01-16T15:46:00.002-05:00

So when you have small children I guess there isn't much of a night life. Atlas and I find ourselves cozied on the couch, no babysitter in sight most friday and saturday nights. Last night was no exception and I found myself boredd beyond words. I had a migraine most of the day so I treated myself to a motrin and a big glass of water, a hot shower and some comfy pajamas. Within minutes of the shower I was passed out of the couch. This is probably around 7pm. I know, what a boring night. I woke up early and made Atlas breakfast in bed. We usually switch off on the weekends, tomarrow I will get to sleep in and get breakfast in bed, sunday is usually pancake day. The children were busy playing in the living room when Atlas attacked me shortly after breakfast was all cleaned up. The sun came in through our bedroom window and filled our room. We kissed and laughed and made love. It was a lot of fun but short lived as our four year old soon figured out our door was closed and was knocking to come in. Shortly after she discovered the closed door our 2 yewar old was sticking pens and his small fingers under the door. I was on top and was able to see the little fingers sticking under the door so any chance of me getting off was lost in my concentration on the little fingers. I started to laugh because Atlas said " If we don't make any noise they won't know we're in here". Soon enough I was riding Atlas, silently, smile on both our faces, till he came hard inside me. It was a nice way to start the day off. Hope everyone is having a great weekend!

2010-01-15T10:37:00.002-05:00

Wow!!! I am just so thrilled over the respsonses I got from the first HNT picture. It was fun and excitig and I think I will probably do it again. Last night Atlas came home from work at a half decent time. We sat down shared dinner and a few glasss of wine and retired to our room to watch the new Public Enemies movie. Throughout the entire movie Atlas and I are playing grab ass, rub this rub that, tease here, kiss there. Well, At one point we both are into the movie and the playing stops, the movie begins to slow again and I look over and Atlas is asleep!! Aw, so I go sit on the couch in our room, finish the movie and start watching the hockey game that didn't start till late. During the first intermission I was feeling a little froggy, I guess its the 3 glasses of wine (i'm a cheap drunk btw) and I climb in bed next to Atlas. I kiss his neck and chest and lips just to make sure he is awake enough to enjoy what is going to come next. I pull the covers down and climb between his legs. I lick and flick and suck him until he is writhing on the bed moaning. Finally he reaches down " I'm going to cum" and this makes me continue with the same motions I have been doing only now with a bit more purpose. Atlas cums in my mouth and I milk it all out of him as his legs clamp around my body and he shakes. I climb up on top of him and kiss his neck. He lays there still twitching alittle, smile on his face. "I was sleeping so good," He smiles and looks at me, " Good Night, Atlas" I roll over. He grabs me and kisses me " You're the best, I love you with all my heart."
Happy Friday Everyone!!!!

HNT 1

2010-01-14T16:10:00.003-05:00

Wow so this is my first HNT picture. It is of me, taken about two weeks ago. It was cold, Atlas and I were outside playing in the snow for a long time and when I walked in the house i took off my wet pants and boots and started to shake a drink mix in a bottle and that is when Atlas surprised me with the camera. So... its a first maybe a last, we'll see. Anyway, Happy HNT!!!

TMI Tuesday

2010-01-12T13:09:00.002-05:00

Would you rather.....

1. Have eyes that always smile or a voice that makes people calm?

Hm... I think I would have to go with a calm voice because in my profession if I always had smiling eyes people may take what I am saying the wrong way. In other words, I am not always the bearer of good news or happy endings.
2. Have an affair and your partner catches you or your partner have an affair and you catch him/her?

Wow.Can't we just not have affairs? Um, for the sake of this I would rather he have an affair and catch him because that then would make him the bad guy in a divorce trail that is sure to follow.

3. Have better sex or more money?

Well, we have great sex already but money can not buy happiness. Wow, thats a tough one. We get by and do well with the money we have but more would always help so long as we remain at the level of sex that we have now.

4. Be able to read everyone’s mind all the time or always know the future?

I would rather read people's mind. I don't think I want to know what the future holds for me, I think I just want to go along for the ride as far as that is concerned however if I could read people's minds around me I bet it would make life a lot easier and probably more fun.

5. Your partner have sex with someone else or fall in love with someone else?

Again. Ouch. Didn't I mention I have jealous tendendices in previous posts. Truthfully I would rather he have sed with someone else. I want to be the only girl he is in love with for the rest of his life. To know that he loved someone even remotely the way he loves me, would break my heart.

Bonus (as in optional): What one thing, big or small, would you change in your life if granted one wish by a lamp-bound genie? Why?

I truthfully wouldn't change anything. I am vey happy in my life. There are always going to be those situations that are going to upset me but it is how we get over those, and grow because of them that make us who we are. I wouldn't change a thing so with my one wish, I would grant the genie free.

2010-01-11T14:08:00.002-05:00

Wow. Its been a while since i have been online to blog. Atlas has been ill and has stayed home from work, on top of that our son has also been ill. But he is sick in a weird way, no fever, nothing going on anytime during the day, he goes to sleep, sleeps for 4 hours wakes up and throw up all over the place. I have washed my sheets 4 times in the past week. I love clean sheets but I like just having clean sheets as opposed to knowing that someone puked on my sheets and I have to clean them. So between the two of them my blogging mojo was just low.

I start school again next Tuesday and man am I excited. It will be super awesome to be able to get out of the house on a regular basis again. Snow willing that is. Atlas has to go away for work the first weekend in February and he asked me to go along. It would sure be nice to get out and go for the weekend but I don't think I can find a sitter, not for the whole weekend and not for both kids. Atlas' family does not pitch in their fair share when it comes to our children. It doesn't bother me becuase I know I have a close knit helping family and that is all i need to know.

I watched Big Love last night. Wow it was great, it is by far my favorite show. Tonight House starts a new season also and I am so excited for that too!!! Yay.

Otherwise we had a very uneventful weekend but Atlas sure is helping more around the house and we are spending a lot more quality time together. I know this isn't much but its an update of why I haven't been on.

Word for Wednesday

2010-01-06T14:57:00.001-05:00

We still have puppies. We are actually down to two beautiful,brindled, wonderful puppies. Puppies are so much like babies, they are so much cuter when you know they belong to someone else. With the cold weather it is very difficult to start training them. But slowly and surely we are working on it. Working on finding homes for these last 2 girls. Any takers?

Atlas came home from work two nights ago in a rotten mood. He walked in the door grumpy and it didnt get much better. He called me yesterday AM to apoligize for his foul mood. I told him I understand that he doesn't feel good and that his work day did not go as well as planned. It was still nice that he called to apoligize. Halfway through the morning he called to tell me he was going to the ER. He has been having gut issues for the past ... 3 weeks or so and has finally gotten over the idea that it is embarressing and he went. Atlas works about an hour and a half away from our home and with the amount of snow we have been having it would probably take me damn near 3 hours to get there. So I wanted him to come home and go to the ER by our hosue but he said he couldn't wait that long and went to the one by his work. I was frustrated because I wanted to know what was going on, I wanted to be there for him, I wanted to support him. Oh well... They perscribed him some medicine and made him an appointment with a specialist and sent him on his way. Needless to say, he is not feeling any better, and in my opinion is a little worse off than when he went, only now he is no longer dehydrated.

This brings me to my word of the day, Priority... What is your top priority? I have a pretty clear cut veiw of what mine are and I treat them accordingly. First and foremost, my children top the list. Then Atlas, and our marriage,our relationship. Next is my Nuclear family, mother,sisters,father,grandparents (I have never had to make choices between Atlas and my family so I feel that they may be interchangable pending the circumstances). Next my job,and career ( I know it seems like I am not employed because I say I am going to school, but at this point in time going to school is my job and I get paid very well to do it. Makes some people kind of jealous that I am getting paid to attend college.)I think that this point things get a little blurrly, priorities mingle, mix and can be interchanged depending on mood or circumstance but the top spots are sketched pretty much in stone. So, the reason this is my word today is because I feel like maybe Atlas has his priorities... mixed? Or maybe as a woman I just don't understand his reasoning behind some things.

As mentioned above Atlas is ill, we have about 6 inches of new snow on the ground most of the schools are delayed or cancled and Atlas feels that it is imperative for him to trek the hour and a half, possibly longer do to road conditions to work, when I feel he would be better suited staying home today.

So what are your top priorities? What would it take to change them?