Surprise!

Okay, I have been away for awhile. I have been spending time doing things that I need to take care of myself. I have been reading... books. No kidding read the Game of Thrones series which was awesome, Bared to You series, No Easy Day and a a few others. I know impressed right?

I have been drawing alittle bit. A few pictures every once in awhile just to keep my hands into it. But I have been working a lot.  I have also been working out a decent amount of time.  I have lost a little weight, lost a couple inches and I am feeling much more like myself again.  I bought a Country Megaticket... since I will be without Atlas for the majority of the year I needed something to put my mind to and look forward to and what better than 8  concerts, outside, in the summer, with the girls from work. I am excited just thinking about it now.

 

The Blog went Private for awhile just because I had a lapse in judgement. Gave my screen name out to someone I probably shouldn't of and I didn't want to be "followed" back to here. But if I was it wouldn't be the worst thing that has ever happened to me. I miss interacting online. I needed to come back to the blog I missed the people I had friendships with, who I laughed and flirted and at times even cried with.  So here I am. Back in some regard for better or worse.

 

Atlas is home right now, we are in the process of planning a family vacation. Just to get away before he goes away. To make some memories with the kids that are truly worth having god forbid anything happens while he is away defending what freedom we have left.  We are also planning for the future and the move away from this wretched military town back to our little rural area where we can be ourselves, not worry about who we are friends with, not worry about being sent a world away to a sandbox with no ocean in sight and we can get back to what really matters, what makes life worth living.

 

I know there is nothing sexy or exciting about this blog. But I'm around. I've been creeping but I've decided its time for me to make an apperance back here. It's been a nice break, a moment away in the real world... but I'm ready to get back to this, I miss this, I miss my friends on here.  

 

 

Love like it may be Your last Night

 

 

Just a few nights ago we had an event happen that will change my life forever. 99 percent of what I do is joyous and happy and has awesome outcomes. Occasionally we will lose a baby for things out of our control, or a baby will be born stillborn and in those moments as a nurse I am given the oppertunity to care for people in their lowest moments. A few nights ago we lost a mother. I perfectly healthy 28 year old mother who had a beautiful baby just moments before. I am still shook up over it. I can't get the feel of her ribs off my hands while I did chest compressions on her. The look on her husband's face when we took him into a room to have the pastor and the doctor's go in to talk with him. The color of her skin when we gave over control to the Code and ICU team. The tears that my co-workers and I shared that morning trying to debrief, trying to make some sense out of it....  The only thing that I find comfort in is knowing that we did everyhing we could, every single thing that we were supposed to do, that we all worked as a team and it was out of our control.

 

Things that like really put into perspective that there is no control over our life. I am not a very religous person. I don't go to church on a regular basis but I do beleive in something... In the medical profession there are things that we can do to help preserve life. We can shock you, and do chest compressions and breathe for you, and give you more blood, we can essentially make you live when you aren't... but we couldn't with her. No matter what we did, it was futile. There was nothing but comfort measures in the end, After 2 hours of chest compressions, 2 hours of breathing for her, 2 hours of fighting for her life, a life that was gone before we started, her family let her go. It was devastating... we had over 40,000 deliveries since the last time we lost of a mother... and I am praying that I never lose one again.