Love like it may be Your last Night

 

 

Just a few nights ago we had an event happen that will change my life forever. 99 percent of what I do is joyous and happy and has awesome outcomes. Occasionally we will lose a baby for things out of our control, or a baby will be born stillborn and in those moments as a nurse I am given the oppertunity to care for people in their lowest moments. A few nights ago we lost a mother. I perfectly healthy 28 year old mother who had a beautiful baby just moments before. I am still shook up over it. I can't get the feel of her ribs off my hands while I did chest compressions on her. The look on her husband's face when we took him into a room to have the pastor and the doctor's go in to talk with him. The color of her skin when we gave over control to the Code and ICU team. The tears that my co-workers and I shared that morning trying to debrief, trying to make some sense out of it....  The only thing that I find comfort in is knowing that we did everyhing we could, every single thing that we were supposed to do, that we all worked as a team and it was out of our control.

 

Things that like really put into perspective that there is no control over our life. I am not a very religous person. I don't go to church on a regular basis but I do beleive in something... In the medical profession there are things that we can do to help preserve life. We can shock you, and do chest compressions and breathe for you, and give you more blood, we can essentially make you live when you aren't... but we couldn't with her. No matter what we did, it was futile. There was nothing but comfort measures in the end, After 2 hours of chest compressions, 2 hours of breathing for her, 2 hours of fighting for her life, a life that was gone before we started, her family let her go. It was devastating... we had over 40,000 deliveries since the last time we lost of a mother... and I am praying that I never lose one again.