So much has happened this past week that I just need an outlet. Nothing has happened in my life but everyone around me seems to be having life altering moments. One woman who I was relatively close with, who saved my marriage when I didn't know it needed saved, got divorced. She was married at a young age, her and her husband seemed happy, content, They do have two children, a son and a daughter who are both autistic. I would love to hear what happened but... I doubt I will ever know what actually happened. We worked together before, close together and she did flirt, with a few of the men we worked with, and there were rumors that more had happened with a certain doctor... but I never believed them because she was always very family oriented, very marriage oriented. Her husband was a stay at home dad while she worked as a Nurse. Interesting.

One of the wives of Atlas' coworker lost her baby. It was not just a miscarriage which is devastating on its own but she was 20 weeks along. She went in for her ultrasound to find out the sex and they could not find a heartbeat. I was heart broken to hear the news. It was to be their fourth child, an ooops baby but a baby none the less. They had a name picked out, the siblings were excited, and she had to go home after the ultrasound carrying a baby that was no longer alive. She had to wait 3 days before they induced her, and she delivered a baby that was already an angel. That just confirms the fact in my mind that I am completely content with my life, my children, and my husband and I do not desire anymore children.

Another friend of mine confided in me that her and her husband recently brought a third into the bedroom, and was considering 'dating' her as a couple. I find this so intriguing because I never even knew that they were considering that type of lifestyle.

Atlas is working long hours. He was promoted, and is taking the new job in stride. Its a good thing he has long legs and big feet. This has recently been putting a bit of downer on the lovin. It seems that our needs just aren't intertwining. One day I will be hot and ready to roll and I go shower and come out and Atlas is asleep. The next day Atlas is pawing to get my clothes off and I can barely stay awake long enough to get the kids in bed. Atlas is gone for the weekend as he will be next weekend and a few days in between. This is a busy time of year for our type of work and soon it will all be done and over with. There is such a huge focus on Atlas and his career right now. So much so that I am feeling left out, A "what about me" feeling". Atlas came up to me the other day, and said " I know right now I'm not what you need me, Im not putting the time into you that you deserve but I promise that someday, I will be completely focused, completely dedicated on everything that you need". It made me cry, and sometimes I think, its hard to see how bright our future is going to be, when its so damn cloudy today.

Then I look at the lives of people around me, and I see my husband who tries, who adores me, and my wonderful, beautiful, healthy, intelligent children and I know that I am blessed, and I am thankful.

Sex toys....

Im bored and I need suggestions of some fun stuff for me, and for hubby and I. Thanks a head of time cause I know someone out there will have good advice.

Is the Promise of 'someday' enough to get me through today?

I know I've been a bad blogger but I am gonna try and get into the swing of things again with summer dwindling and school starting again... I will be back soon.

I've been a horrible blogger

I know i know, I've been gone for a while. All summer actually, and not gone, not gone at all, just lurking. I haven't had the words to put into a blog and truthfully haven't had the time to sort through them. Everything is going well here. The summer is closing and it makes me extremely sad. I always feel like I have such big plans for summer and at the end they all seemed to have failed. Like epically failed.

I wanted to get away for a few days. That's it, I don't need a big eloborate vacation. A tent, a fishing pole, and a campfire would of worked just fine. But I didn't even get that oppertunity this year. I wanted to go to Great Lakes and see my baby sister graduate from bootcamp. I know what it feels like. There is no other feeling in the world and whether you serve 4 years of 30 you only get to graduate from bootcamp once and that was also blown out of the water.

I'm reflecting and I am kinda sad. We had the house to clean and stain ( loghome) I cleaned it, it took me two days... and then we didn't stain it, so... now we have log house that doesn't have any stain on it... If I had the 15K I would hire professionals but I don't know where all the money goes. The deck is cleaned, stained and sealed and that alone was a huge project, most of which I did... as Atlas work schedule is uncondusive to helping around the house even when it stays light out till 2100.

The hot tub still sits full of garbage... the goats are still living in a barn that is halfway falling in... and my mom, grandmother and sister all just got back from vacation last night. I wasn't invited because I have two small children and who wants that cramping thier style while they sit on a beach somewhere.

Another reason I blog today is I am just frustrated. I think in all aspects of my life. I go far above and beyond to be a good mother, a good wife. I shine Atlas' FUCKING shoes!!! I set his uniform out, I even wrote his evaluations for him, I did all this last night after everyone was asleep ( did I mention the sleeping issuesI have) but i