Too close for Comfort

He sends me dirty messages,
says he wanted to message me most of the day but stopped himself
He said I don't know what it was in that home made alcohol but I sure did have some strange dreams
he has dirty dreams about me...


He's my friend's husband
She works with me
She is pregnant with baby number two....

I can't do that... its far too close to enjoy it... I deleted him from my contacts and my facebook...
Ugh.... I can't look at her the same way because I know what kind of guy he is now.

Just a Baby

His hands rubbed my neck sliding skillfully down to my shoulders.  I shamelessly leaned back into him, closing my eyes, as his hand slid to the nape of my neck.  He talked over my shoulder, close enough for me to hear but not nearly loud enough for everyone around us to hear. I leaned my head back into his hand as he gripped the back of my head.  I leaned forward as his strong hands worked the knots in my upper back, gliding over my ribs to the small of my back. He rubbed my back and my neck and my shoulders and I melted into his hands, shamelessly leaning back into him.

"How old are you?" I asked
"21," he replied never taking his hands off me.
" You are just a baby." I answered him
" Anything you want to call me" He said sliding into the chair next to me.  We chatted most of the night, and then I went home, to my respective bed, alone... after all what would I do with that?  :)

When it rains... it pours....

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" Only men need to loved sweetheart, Women, women need to feel wanted."

I am at an age that I know exactly what I want, at least what I want right now at this moment. I know what I want out of my marriage most of the time, out of my career, out of myself.  I know exactly how I want to feel... but I just can't find that feeling... not now... but I'm hoping to find it.

I have spent the last couple weeks alone. Working but coming home to an empty house, the kids are away for the summer and Atlas won't be home till early next year... so I have had plenty of time to think, to dwell, to fall in love, with the silence, with the peace, with what I want.  For the first time in ten years I can focus on what I want to do.  When someone asks me if I want to go do something I don't have to make a million plans to figure out how to do it, I just need to decide if I want to do it or not.

What do I want right now? I want to flirt with you. Shamelessly. I want to feel wanted. To be desired.   I don't need anyone to love me... Honestly its better if you don't... but wanted, desired... oh yes, please and more.   I don't want to set you up, I don't want to love you. My heart already belongs to someone else, so completely that the thought of anything else seems like settling for something less... (minus the few exceptions to that rule that those of you who know me already know).

I love the feeling of flirting with someone, particularly someone new, who can't take their eyes off you. Who is wondering what is going on in your head, wondering what the skin on your shoulder feels like, what your lips would feel on their neck... I love the flirting, the chase, the idea of someone new.   But the actual thought of it freaks me the fuck out. 

So, your homework... dream about me, think about me, want to fuck me, desire me, and but please don't  fall in love with  me.