I'm not leaving after all. At least not until next month now but that isn't what I am disappointed in. People. People in general disgust me. My family...erg... my extended family has been torn into shambles in the last few months. My mom being sick and passing and my sister's car accident and her severe traumatic brain injury has really shown me things about my family that I do not like anymore.
As a child you think that everyone is good and that people are there to help you then as an adult you see people suck and generally want to help themselves. This is what I am bitching about. My grandmother, my mother's mother, moved in with me when I moved back into the area. After 3 years of living with me and my children she moved home to be with her daughter while she was sick. My mother lived in my grandmother's home, so did my sister. So now neither of them are there and my grandmother is in this house, a two story house that she can barely go up and down the stairs.
We live in Pennsylvania and there is no heat in the house right now. My mother used a wood burner and this is just impractical for my grandmother because she can barely walk let alone carry wood in and load the wood burner watch it burn close the damper take care of it ect ect ect. So my grandmother is staying in a house in 50 degree weather with no heat. There is also a leak in the foundation so every 3 days after it rains the entire basement is soaked with water. and 3 days after that the mold continues to grow.
Its sick. I am sick to my stomach over it and there is nothing I can do. I bought a house in Virginia with the idea that my grandmother can come and stay with me, she had lived with me for the last 3 years why not now. Everything on one floor, kitchen, bathroom, laundry her room, living room... but she won't leave here because she has my mother's dogs.
Okay, we need to get rid of the dogs, its a fair argument. Here is the part that annoys me, I talk to my grandmother this morning ask her how she is doing " I'm cold" well no shit you are its 45 degrees outside. So I call her back at noon to make sure she is up and moving and I tell her she needs to call someone and have them look at her chimney today or do something because next week there are snow flurries in the forecast. She goes on to tell me she has no money, that everyone wants her to do something else and she just has no money for it right now. I tell her I am calling my uncle who is a contracter. I call his wife " I am concerned that gram doesn't have any heat and its going to snow next week"
" why doesn't she have any heat" REALLY? REALLY? You are over there twice a week and you don't know how she doesn't have any heat? So I explain all of that to her. She says something along the lines of we will go over and see her tonight and see what she needs.
So, she goes on to say, gram needs to get rid of the dogs and sell the house. YES I agree and she can move in with me. "She would never move away from everyone"...
AWAY FROM WHO? From my mother who lived with her who is dead? My sister who lived with her who is now living with my dad because she needs 24/7 care that she can not provide? To the son and daughter who live a mile away but don't realize their mother does not have heat and is living in a moldy house? The other daughter who calls every three weeks? or the other son who only calls when he has something to bitch about to make her feel bad? I'm just sick over it. I am not doing this selfishly, I gain nothing by having her move with me. I want her to be somewhere where she is with a family, where we love her and can care for her. She needs someone to help her do regular things. She doesn't cook or clean...
What do I do? I want to wash m hands of the situation, and not care, and pretend that I know nothing about what is going on but I can't do that. Every time someone tells me that I am wrong for wanting her to be with me, I feel even worse. Before my mom got sick gram was going to come with me, no questions asked, she has nothing here to keep her here really... but I am the bad person who wanting better for her, I'm the bad one for complaining about the conditions she is living in.
If you wouldn't live there why should we expect/ALLOW her to? I would not sit in a moldy cold room day after day... but I am the only one that seems to care that she is living in deplorable conditions.
This is my 100th post too... WOW.
ReplyDeleteCongratulations on your 100th post. With that said, I take no particular joy in noting that you seem to be one of the few people - if not the only person - who seems to have your grandmother's best interests at heart. There is obviously nothing wrong or selfish about you wanting her to live with you. You obviously want this because it is what is best for her, and not for some ulterior motive. Judging by what I've just read it is clear that you would make sure she was living comfortably in a warm, mold-free house. At the absolute least, take a little comfort in the fact that you you are consistently looking out for her and trying to improve her living situation. She may or may not realize it, but she is damned lucky to have you in her life, especially given that no one else seems to have a clue.
ReplyDeleteIt is very disillusioning when someone you previously admired - family members especially - prove themselves unworthy of your respect. I've experienced this recently with a few members of my own extended family, and it's never easy or pleasant.
-Jack
Thank you for the comments. My grandmother helped raise us, we lived in her house because my mother was dating some man who loved her, but beat her, I see this years later not at the time. but my grandmother always wanted what was best for us and I can remember being a teenager, *no joke* and sleeping in my grams bed for comfort... I just want to be able to repay her, there is no reason for her to "just get by", she has no reason to struggle... I just wish things could be different.
ReplyDeleteHera, I so so so know what you mean. It's been my experience, that as much as tragedy and hardship brings out the best in people, it also brings out the worst. The WORST.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry to hear about the drama though...it just sucks.
BTW, congrats on the 100th post. Can't wait for the next 100 ;)