I just need to vent a bit today. I didn't sleep well last night. Atlas and I climbed into bed around 1000 and were both sound asleep. However at 3am my daughter came into the bedroom to ask me to get her a juice box. Yes, I got up and got it put her back to bed adn tried to go back to sleep but I couldn't. So I wandered into the bathroom and saw Atlas' phone sitting on the sink charging. I reach over flip it open and check out the text messages. Something that I randomly do from time to time. There was a random array of work related texts, texts to me and then some random texts to a number that rang filmilar to me... but it said " ... one of the kids that he is responsibile for due to his jobs MOM"... hmmm random I think. there was a bunch of them so I start to read them from the begining then theres a break then again in the afternoon... "Good Morning." Atlas at 748 in the morning, shortly after he leaves our house, " Good morning How are you." " Good and yourself" "Good," " Its going to be an interesting week." Atlas. and then some other random texts... Nothing sexual, nothing out of the ordinary... just strange to me...

Atlas and I have gone a few rounds over cell phone use and text messages and the boundries of these things. Prior to us marrying Atlas used to text with a woman. They exchanged dirty texts and whatever but it was prior to marriage and I didn't really no about it much. Well shortly after the birth of our daughter we went home for a visit. Upon returning to Seattle Atlas was recieving text messages from "Mike". Upon seeing some of the messages perhaps ones that involves things like " I was going to take a bath and make myself cum thinking of you." got me quite upset. Think post partum furst time mother, only been married for a year and that puts you in my mind set... Well atlas promised to never text her again. And he didn't. He erased her number and that was that.

Then we moved back to the east coast to be closer to family. I moved back 6 months before he did. After about 6 months here I woke up late at night and looked at his phone to find messages of the same kind "I do look good today, for the meeting but Im bored out of my mind" Atlas " If I was there I would crawl under the table to suck your cock." UNknown... OH REALLY I thought when i saw this... I took the phone still opened to the text took atlas' asleep hand and placed the phone in it. I told him not to fucking come near me, and Im sure there was more, I was crying by the time I did that. We talked, I cried, he cried and apoligized, said it was nothing but stupid games on his phone. it was a girl his co worker always texts who took his business card and started messaging him, and it just got a bit out of control...

Anyway, after the tears and my anger, he promised not to text her anymore. I wrote her number down and kept it just in case. Well about two months after that as Atlas was outside cutting grass. He got a text from a " superior coworker" who i knew. He didn't seem like the kind of person to randomly send a text to ask how everything was going, guys don't just do that right? So I take out the number i put in safe keeping, typed it into his phone and hit send. Wouldn't you know that that "Superior coworker"'s name came up as if that's who I was calling... interesting right? So I confronted him, asked him why he was talking to her, better yet why he was lying about it. "I m not lying". he said. Putting someone else's name down as if it was their phone number is just as good as lying to me.

So that bring everyone up to date on why sometimes I randomlly check Atlas' text messages. Maybe I am crazy, maybe too pocessive, too jealous whatever. I always look at the aspect of how would Atlas feel when I do something. If I wrote dirty text messages about how much I want to suck someone's cock or how badly I want them to eat my pussy or fuck me" and atlas found those text messages I am sure that he would be angry and upset.

So what to do? Do I confront him over those random texts I found last night or should I wait until I find something more. Should I wait until i see messages about cock sucking and fucking and cumming before i let it get to me? I mean either way i kind of look like an asshole right? I trust Atlas not to go beyond text messages. But even then... is that too much. If the situation was reversed I know those text messages would be too much for him to take so why shouldn't it be too much for me. Why is there such a sexual double standard and should there be one?

I'm not angry, im not upset, not yet. Im just frustrated and I am not sure what to do about it.