I feel grumpy. Like I feel like there is something going on that I just can't put my finger on. Like Im not feeling completely... satisfied. I don't mean sexually either. Atlas and I have incredible sex, often. But when I say unsatisfied thats the first thing that comes to mind. But thats not it. Its unsatisfied emotionally or something else. I just need something more... from Atlas. It takes me breaking down for him to understand that. Its my fault that it gets to this point though, when he stands at the door for 10 minutes asking me if I am sure that I am okay that he is going to play cards... But you would think that he would know, if he has to stand there for 10 minutes convincing himself that I am okay so he can put it straight in his mind so he can go out and play cards. I wanted so badly to go out this weekend. Almost to the point where tears fill my eyes.
I feel so trapped in my house, in my life. The semester is coming to an end but I have to take summer classes which leaves me no break between the spring and summer classes. I go from a schedule I don't like to one I can't stand with no break. I was supposed to go out with a friend from high school yesterday and get drinks but she blew me off... for the second time. Now I don't think I am going to try and make plans with her again. It was just such a let down twice that I don't want to deal with it again. I miss my old friends from Washington. I miss the people I used to work with, I miss the people who understood what I was going through.
We went to a restraunt this morning after our daughters soccer game. When we walked in an older man was sitting at a table and waved to Atlas. Atlas introduced his children... Then we sat down waiting for a table. As we were sitting there the older men waved Atlas over to the table. He sat down and talked with the man and what I assume was his wife. They called our name and I walked our children back to the table sat down and shortly after Atlas came back. He didn't introduce me, he didn't even say, "This is my wife." Next we came home, did a bunch of yard work... I worked out, made dinner, and took a shower. Settled down to watch the hockey game. Atlas was out in the kitchen when he phone went off. " are you coming to cards babe?" from Ed.... Atlas has been going to this poker game for over a year. I've never been there and to be completely honest I have never met anyone who plays there. I've seen a few, a girl working at the grocery store, an older woman at Sam's club, and the gentleman from earlier today but... Im just frustrated.
I over think things when I get in this type of mood. I know he's loyal. I know he loves me. I know these things and I don't question them... I just let this happen on occasion.
Now tomarrow we are supposed to have company over in the evening. I had plans to get some stuff done outside during the day, but when atlas gets home late and and sleeps in I am left with all the responsibilities that are drowning me...
Well you need to SAY ITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT
ReplyDeleteThe next thing to do is to PLAN something and tell him the plan in advance.
Say "We are going out, alone on Friday night, be here @ 6."
Guys suck. you have to tell us. We might still go play cards but we will then know how you feel about it. We won't be able to justify it in our mind as "well she said she didn't care" even tho you were crying and vomiting and peeing on yourself while you said it.