TMI Tuesday

1. What time did you go to bed last night and were you alone?

Went to bed around 10, fell asleep around midnight... and no there was no funny business I just have a bad case of insomnia that I have to lay in bed with my eyes closed till I pass out. I was not alone, Atlas was in bed with me but he went to bed at 10 and fell asleep at 1003... Sooo semi alone, but I sometimes like it that way.

2. If you could be given ANY gift what would it be?

Any gift... side from a large lump sum of money I would have to go with


3. What was the last film that really moved/disturbed/thrilled you and why?

Really moved me? I really like The HurtLocker... Becuase a job, the adrenile becomes an addiction and there is no way in a civilized world to fill the desires that can be filled when in a warzone. It shows the struggle that that man goes through when he comes home and eh can not adjust to life here, how he continuously goes back again and again... At some point his luck will run out because there is no way to live an extended life when you live like that.

4. What is your favorite way to wake up and what is the first thing you do?

I love to feel Atlas' hand caressing me, reaching for me, needing me. I enjoy when I wake up to him kissing the back of my neck through my hair and as his hands glide over my breasts and drag down my stomach... I enjoy the way he reaches for my hips form behind and pulls me into him. The way his hands glide over my back or the way his fingers feel tangled in my loose hair... That's how I enjoy being woken up...

What usually happens... one of us wakes up and lets the dogs outside and wrangles the kiddos for breakfast while the other is able to sleep in.

5. You’ve been granted an extra hour in the day, what are you going to do?
a. Sleep more
b. Extend a sexual interlude
c. Shop
d. Finally fit in that workout that you usually can’t make time for

A.... without a shadow of a doubt. I always wake up thinkin a nap would be great right after lunch and it never ever happens.


BONUS: Are you in love or lust?

Wow.... Both... I am in love with Atlas... I am shamefully open about this and I often lust for his touch. But there are still many others that I lust for...

She's amazing

Went to see my mom today. She had her appointment with the oncologist who has everything ready for her to start chemo on monday. The point of chemo not to cure her, but to slow the cancer down and hopefully give her time. I have seen it happen the other way so many times before... the chemo is the part that cuts your time... most of the time, but my mom isn't a "most of the time" kind of person... I went and pulled weeds at her house, she wants to get her gazebo up and her pool opened and we are gonna go and do that tomarrow. While I was there my mom cleaned up after her dogs and weedwacked her backyard... Amazing... simply amazing...

verbal HNT

So life got in the way again. I took some pics before clinical changed my mind after... So I am gonna do my best to describe myself... truthfully... and let your imagination do the rest and I will get a pic up sooner or later I promise.

I'm, 5'7, 140 pounds... I have long hair to about my braline on my back, it used to be blond but I have recently changed it to a nice auburn red which fits my blue eyes, fair skin, and freckles. I have a big smile and straight teeth that I spent 3 years of my adult life getting and paying for ( was miserable but worth it)... I wear a size 5 pants which isn't what I actually want but its far better than most after 2 children in 3 years and I am content in them... I have nice round soft 36D breasts that fit my body better than they ever did before I had children and I enjoy them the most out of any part of my body. I usually wear tight low cut tank tops that sit below my hip bones and a sweat shirt over top of form fitting flare leg jeans with my hair pulled back in a pony tail. I may not be someone's typical mom but I am very comfortable in my own skin.

So again life got in the way tonight, I spent most of my night at dear daughter's dance recitral rehersal and when I got home Atlas was already home on the computer and I didn't get a chance to get on till late tonight... its coming I promise.... Are you still going to wait?

i have a HNT

I just have to wait till I am done at clinical to put it up. Stay tuned:)

When life gets in the way

I have been stressed lately, of course. I got a million things going on personally, my family is stressed to the max over my mother and the medical issues I just need some sort of release. I want to get away for awhile. Just go away... spend some time on me for a while... I plan to do a HNT tomarrow. I am bored and stressed, I need a distraction from what is my too real real life... Who wants to play?

The Tumor board decided I guess with all of the information that it is in fact stomach cancer with mets to Bone... They are going to start Chemo on Monday... So please... if you have some prayers to spare send them to my mom... Her name is Holly... and thats a bit more personal than I would like to get but for the sake of prayers and hope... Im letting it go. Thank you.

TMI Tuesday

Getting to Know You...


1. What is your online profile name and what does it mean?

Redefine, Renew, Recover... I spent a large part of the last 7 or 8 years becoming a person that is not so much the person I was before that, or the person I saw myself becoming. However great and wonderful, married life and being a mother is I am in the process of redefining the person I am, and renewing the love for life that I once had and basically recovering from becoming an adult I guess.

2. How did you decide on the title of your blog?

Seemed appropriate... just fit I guess...

3. How much of your online personality transcends into your real life? What's the biggest difference between the two?

Hm I am really pretty similar in real life to the personality that I portray on here. Of course my name is not Hera... Hera is the greek goddess of marriage and birth which I am neither but it seemed appropriate at the time. Hera is known for her fury and even Zues her husband could not stand up to her. Recently my blog has been a lot realer than I would of liked but its the part of me that really wants to get some stuff off my chest without freaking everyone else out around me. The biggest difference between Hera and myself? I spend a lot of time with my husband and my children and I dont really like to talk about them at least my children on here.

4. What have you stumbled across through reading blogs that really made you want to try it out? Have you done it yet? Was it a good, bad or so so experience?

I did an extensive research project on polyamous and polygamist families and I have a real respect for their lifestyle. I read a lot of their blogs and revel in the idea of how well that lifestyle works for some people. Its not for me, I couldn't imagine having to share, much like Hera... my jealousies would be far to much for me to get past.

And now, in honor of May is Masturbation Month...
5. After you masturbate, do you taste your cum? Do you like the taste of you?

Hm, I don't. I guess I never even thought of it. I do enjoy tasting myself on Atlas' lips or on his cock as I will sometimes alternate between fucking and sucking him... but as for tasting myself for the sole purpose of it, I don't and I don't really see any purpose to it.

6. Do you like to masturbate in front of someone else? Does that heighten your arousal or are you indifferent?

I have not masturbated in front of someone. I am rather shy when it comes to it, I would not be totally against it as I have sent pictures to atlas before I just have never done it with someone watching on. I could imagine that it would probably start off as masturbation but I don't believe I would be able to finish myself off and would probably need a hand... ;)


7. Have you ever been caught masturbating? By whom?

Can't say that I have been caught but even if I was caught I don't think it would be that bad I would probably just laugh at the idea of being "caught" in my own house in my own bed. I have been caught having sex once by my mother, once by my sister, and once by my daughter... I know you'd think we would learn... the only one that actually walked in the room was my daughter and she was only 2 so there was no strange or awkward explaining to do...

Its hard to be sad

I feel sad when i am at home and I think about everything that is going on.
Then I go and see my mom, she's out pulling weeds, she is cleaning house, doing laundry...
She makes no excuses, she is just the same as she has ever been.... only 30 pounds lighter...

She makes me feel stronger, she makes me smile... I need to be strong for her, We need to be there for eachother.

So it seems

It looks like my mom has stage 4 ovarian cancer... if you dont know its not good, its not a good prognosis... I am going to lose my mom... we just don't know how much time we have so I am trying to make it in to see her every other day... I just can't do every day... I can't... her case is beig presented to a tumor board on tuesday which will give us the exact plan the options and what to expect. My schooling has taught me not to expect much. Stage 4... maybe 6 months maybe more maybe less...
Have I mentioned she is only 47?

Yeah... So... she wants to do Chemo... How do you tell someone you love that life isnt worth fighting for? I know what chemo does to people, it kills the good cells and the bad, she is gonna lose her hair, have nausea, diarhhea, vomiting, mouth sores, fatigue, malaise... I know these symptoms but there is much more... and its more personal when its your own mother. I feel like she shouldnt do it, maybe chemo will give her a few more months... but she will be sick horrible months... When I think stage 4, I think comfort, I think pain control, I think enjoy them... and I enjoy my mother... she is an amazing woman... I brought her home from the hospital yesterday and she sarted doing laundry, and sweeping the garage because she knew she was going to have company later that evening... Its hard to be upset when she wants to fight it, when she believes she can beat it... but anyone in the medical field knows... I have hope but deep down that gut feeling is there...

Im sad, Im broken hearted... but my grandma, who lives with me is hurting far worse than any of us girls... she buried 2 husbands and a man that she idolized for 10 years... She does not deserve to bury a child. No one does...

But I have hope. My mother is the strongest person I know. She is the toughest person I have ever met... and I am not saying that because its my mom.. the doctor told me that she is a walking miracle... that she shouldnt be here... She has an iron will... if she wants to fight... I will support her and help her becuase I believe that she can... the hard part is knowing if I can handle the fight right along with her...

What's eating you

I started my last semester of nursing school. I graduate in August with my BSN, I just couldn't concentrate today. My mom had a colonoscopy, an endoscopy and paracentisis done today and she will go home tomarrow hopefully with a plan. They are pretty sure that it is Ovarian cancer that has moved to the bone. Which is not a surprise because ovarian cancer is usually not diagnosed until it has moved somewhere else... So... good news is, the rest of her organs look good... good news is both types of cancer are beatable... its not like hearing brain cancer, or lung cancer.... which are a lot scarier but the word Cancer still is hard. I shudder when I hear myself say it outloud, its like if i don't say that word it seems less real... but its oh so real... and I am scared for her, Im selfishly scared for me because I dont know what I would do without her. Without my morning and evening phone calls and shes the first person I call when I dont know how to do something... I just can't imagine what it would be like to not have that... It will be nice for her to get home and be able to rest, be with her dogs. Shes not going back to work... at least not anytime soon so I am hoping that she is able to apply for disability, either that or I will be able to take on at least some of the finanical burden, at least for awhile.

Right now I am in a jam setting up babysitters because my gram who usually lives with me is at home and will be there for awhile to take care of my mom.

Searching

I have done a lot of "soul searching" the last few days since my mother's diagnosis. Not that it is determined how far or how bad it really is yet but having an ill parent really makes you question your own mortality. My mother is young, she's only 47... Yes, she drinks, she smokes, she has her entire life but so does a lot of people. Its not that we have a family history, or bad genetics its just that it happened I guess... So we are still awaiting more test results to really know the details and come up with a plan of action but the last 4 years of school has taught me not to lean too far to the hoepful end yet.

My mom and I both went to the doctor on the same day. I had my annual girl exam that I did not go to last year because at 26, been monogamous for 7 years, 2 perfect children never had an issue... well my pap came back abnormal... Great... just what i needed to hear two days after my mother is diagnosis with ovarian cancer. So I have another follow up with the GYN in a week. I haven't told anyone, I dont want to freak anyone out because its probably nothing but it just puts things in perspective.

My mom did a good job with us girls. There are me and two sisters, Im the oldest... All graduated high school two of us have degrees, two of us are proudly serving our country in the military, no one pregnant out of wedlock, no one addicted to drugs or bad habits. She did a good job basically on her own. She was successful at what was important to her, us... She is a good person you wouldnt believe the out pouring of love that has come out of this, I had two phone calls today from people I don't know and have never met who want to make her car payment this month and next since she is not going to be able to work... There are "tip jars" at two local clubs that she had worked at previously. to try and offset some of the bills she is going to have... there has been an ever growing line at the hospital and her phone has been ringing incessently. She is loved by everyone she has met and it is so great to see the impact she has had on these people.

I am frustrated with what my life situation is right now but I am thankful that I am able to do the things I am. I am not much in the mood for TMI Tuesday but am hoping to start feeling up to things again soon. I know not many read but to those who do... Thank you.

My mom is in the hospital... She has cancer... not sure how bad yet... but if I had to guess I would say that it is not good... Im sad... I am not ready to be without her yet... not yet... Happy Mother's Day...

TMI Tuesday

1. LUST (excessive sexual appetites): Besides your current significant other, for whom do you lust or who have you lusted for in the past? Does your significant other know about your lustful desires?
I have a pretty extensive list of Lusts.... my significant other knows of most... Katy Perry, Scarlett Johansson, Halle Berry, Jessica Beil, Mina Kunis... men change depending on the mood I am in... Hugh Jackmman, Brad Pitt ( Fight Club)... men I meet or see.... I am a fairly Lustful person.

2. GLUTTONY (over-indulgence): What food brings out your inner glutton?
I can honestly say I am fairly good when it comes to food. Over-indulgence... Id have to say that when i drink I often crave something horrible and greasy, fries, a steak hoagie, fried cauliflower or mushrooms... I don't drink often thank goodness or it would probably become a...ahem... larger issue.

3. GREED (avarice): When it comes to sex, what are you greedy for? When it comes to things, what is it that you want more than your need or deserve?
As far as sex goes I am fairly greedy just for sex... I am 4 times a week plus kinda girl and if I don't get some kind of lovin on a regular basis I get fairly moody and aggitated. Its not that I even need to get off, I just want to feel that connection. When it comes to things... hm... want more than I need, I have a large house and I don't need it, I have two small children and a grandmother living with us and we have not been downstairs ( which as a huge game room, living room, bed room, pantry, complete bathroom, and extra room) in 3 months. I also bought a brand new car, that I don't need but I wanted SOOOOO bad... I grew up without a lot of things, and now that I am sucessfully an adult with a decent income, I feel I kinda deserve them. *ouch I sound like a bitch*

4. SLOTH (idleness/procrastination): Name a task or activity in which you perpetually procrastinate?
Homework... Nursing school has been the longest three years of my life... I keep putting homework off and putting it off, it gets done in time and done well but if I have to write one more nursing diagnosis related to... manifested by.... I may pull my hair out.

5. WRATH (anger) is manifested in the individual who spurns love and opts instead for fury.
a. Describe a time that you were very angry?
It takes a lot for me to get angery. A few posts ago I mentioned a situation where I was extremely anger with Atlas for acting like a small boy however my anger only lasts for moments because being angery is not going to solve any problems and will just make everyone feel worse in the long run.

b. Have you ever been so angry that you thought about revenge? Did you seek it?
Thought about it yes, done it no... At least not recently. In high school I think I stole my best friend's boyfriend because she did something to me. I dont remember I didn't even like him, but it wasn't hard to convince him that he liked me more than her. Stupid boys.

6. ENVY (jealousy): Who or what do you envy? Why?
I have to agree with *GoodWill* on this one. I envy those who are completely sexually free. I express what I want often but I think i still sometimes censor myself to what is comfortable for the sake of not "opening that can of worms". I sometimes envy those who do not have small children. Yes I know having children is a blessing and I am blessed, they are healthy happy beautiful individuals... but I can't just pack up for the weekend and go away, or even go out for drinks at night if I want to. I had children young, and early in our marriage and I think enjoying eachother would of been nice too... Atlas once said to me " I love the way you are with the kids, you are a great mother, but sometimes i miss my wife".


7. PRIDE (vanity) is the love of one’s own excellence, and it is considered the worst of the 7 Deadly Sins.
a. When preparing to meet a lover, what are you most vain about?
b. What sexual skill are you overly proud and boastful about?
c. What part of your body are you proud of, boastful about?

a. Hm, well... I usually take a nice long shower, clean up, make sure everything is clean and well smooth and I like to smell nice. Perfume a push up bra, a low cut shirt, and a pair of jeans that fit just right....

b. Ha. I give good head... I am, I am embaressly bad with just my hands but add my mouth and it will not take long to get where we are going.

c. I love my boobs!!! After nursing 2 children for the duration of 4 years I had a breast augmentation last march as a gift to myself and I LOVE the results. Not too big, not small, round, SOFT, look and feel natural... I like them so much I play with them :)



Bonus: What sin do you think is your greatest virtue? For example, what bad thing makes you more appealing?

My Anger that is often resolved quick fast and in a hurry... Although when I am angry I am a horrible bitch, it is very short lived.