Hmmm

I started this blog with the intention of expressing the deep love that Atlas and I share. I wanted to share our amazingly passionate moments with someone, anyone really. I wanted to show everyone what a good man he is, and how much we are in love. Well... I guess so far things haven't gone quite as planned as i have spent more time complaining about the present than enjoying the misfortunes that make life so much fun. So, Atlas called me back yesterday after my tearful conversation and asked if I was okay. I was, I told him I just wanted to get those things off my chest and I needed a good cry. He suggested our daughter go stay at his aunts for a couple days to give me a slight break. Well, kind of, I still will have a crazed 18 month old who is now missing his sister but two is less than one and should be in mathematical terms easier. Anyone with small children knows that it isn't true but it was a good try at least. When Atlas arrived home after 8pm (which is usual) I already had one in bed adn the other well on his way. Showered, eaten, and a fire in the fireplace. WE curled up on the couch together and played a computer word game. I know it doesn't sound too intimate but I will take it where I can get it. We played this game for almost 3 hours. Laughing, joking, and just being together. Atlas had brought movies home to watch and right around midnight we put the Hangover in. Both of us had seen it alreayd so didn't mind falling asleep. When we climbed into bed we both stripped our clothes off and slid in next to each other. We layed and watched the movie and laughed. Atlas sat up at one point and said that I can't put my head on his chest, that it was hurting him, so he stretched his arms our and laid back down. I moved over to my own side of the bed. Lastly when Atlas rolled over and "gave me the back" I sat up and put my clothes back on. Things just don't feel right, they feel off balance. We have never had a fight, an arguement yes, but never a yelling, screaming, angry fight. We have been married for five years and I have no doubts that he is my one and only. He tells me regularaly that he wouldnt make it without me, that i'm his everything but is hearing it enough? Should I be able to take those words and apply them as I need them? Clean the shower,think in my head "I'm his everything" Cook dinner, do dishes, "he couldn't live without me" Put kids to bed, "i'm the most amazing woman he knows". Am I being insecure? Is it just the time of the year where maybe I am expecting too much from an already stressful time? For the first time in years I am trying to ensure that my needs are fullfilled and perhaps that is the most stressful part of the entire situation.