I just got off the phone with Atlas. It involved tears which is never a good thing for me. I let things go until I can't stand it anymore and then I just get mad, I get frustrated, I get angry. Yesterday Atlas went to the football game. Mind you we are both huge football fans, i perfer hockey to football but that is not the point. So he went to the game, he asked me to go, and he siad quick decide now so i can find someone else to go if you don't want to. So my first reply is "we don't have a babysitter" and then i said I don't want to sit in the cold. So Atlas took someone else, no problem, like i said not a big deal, i watched the game at home. The one thing I asked him before he left yesterday morning was "what time are you going to be home" he replied " right after the game". Good, because I don't want him going to the Casino and spending all of our christmas money or, being gone all day, he really doesn't have many days off and I want him to spend it with his family and me. ( does that sound pocessive? hmmm. So the game is over around 4pm. We won, so I figured he would be home, eh, i gave him 3 hours. So, i get the fireplace in our room going, get the kids ready for bed, and at 6:58pm I get a text that says, " we stopped to get a burger, aires (name changed of course)is playing slots till we are done. FUCKING FUCK! I am at home all day, I cleaned the closet, the shower, the kitchen, took down christmas decorations, fixed the gate, our closet, and our swueaky bed while dealing with our children and you can't even make it home in time to watch the hockey game with me. You fucking fuck! All I ever ask from him is to spend time with me, with his children. I don't ask him to clean, or cook, or even help around the house, all i ask is when you say something, when i ask something, when you tell me you are going to do something, DO IT. So I watch the entire hockey game alone, we lose, then i play some stupid game on the computer and finally when I see the car pulling up the drive I pretend I am asleep. I was so mad i couldn't even manage the correct words. So when you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anyhting at all. Atlas was happy I was asleep, relieved I'm sure,because he knew I was upset, when he wrote me to tell me where they were I said " are you kidding me? I really don't ask for much, you wait for two hours after the games been done to tell me that you aren't even on your way, im sitting here expecting you home any minute like an asshole." I got no response to that. This morning I told him that I feel like I am getting walked on, and that is what sparked the conversation and the tears. I told him, whenever I want to do anything, whether its go to school, go on a date, go away for the weekend, anything I have to find a babysitter, but if he wants to go away for the weekend, go to a football game, go to a poker game, then there is always a built in babysitter at home - me. He didn't have much to say, nothing really, said he appreciates everything i do, how he feels like a retard because he said he keeps upsetting me without realizing it. I told him I need a break, that I am tired of sitting at home "babysitting" our children. He said he doesn't walk on me, and i told him, you may not do it intentionally but I allow it to happen so it is just as much my fault as it is his.