Good Parents

Some days I am reassured that my children are being raised properly. I of course can not take all of the credit, My husabnd does a huge role, and my live in grandmother is a big help too. It takes a village to raise children and therefore my children are raised well... how do I know? Good Question...

I get home from work today and as I am making dinner... a dinner we all sit around the table and eat... my daughter (6 years old) walks up to me...

Mommy... I'm sad...

Why baby?

Well, there is a kid in my class... he said he is poor...

What does poor mean? ( seeing if she understands)

It means he doesn't have any money... He said he only has one set of clothes to wear to school

DOes he wear the same thing everyday?

Yes mom, and it makes me sad, can we buy him some clothes...?

That is my daughter in a nutshell... She has a big heart and is very giving, nonetheless
I am writing a letter to the teacher asking if I can but some clothes for this little boy... From a 6 year old who you think may not get it... She does, and she is gonna change the world... just wait.

The week is almost over and I have accomplished not much of anything. Atlas and I went and checked out a movie last night, a weekday date night which seemed appropriate becuase he seems to be going batty in the house ( he's on vacation). Saw contraband... it was good, imagine Gone in 60 econds and The Italian Job have a baby... it would of been contraband. good flick if you have the time to make it to the movies, otherwise a must check out for Redbox.

All flirtations aside, there seems to be an uneasiness between Hermes and I now? I am not sure where it all stems from but it makes me sad. Other news is... I got an email from an old friend the other day which made my day. Glad he's doing well, and hope we can make time to chat again ;)

The weekend looks uneventful as the week has been. Hang around the house, get some stuff done here. I will be in touch with hopefully, more stories... or smething to entertain everyone... which seems to be a lot more people stopping by the blog and checking it out, just no one following or making comments... so lurkers... leave me a comment or something exciting.

Miss this?

Out for drinks... my crossed legs between your open legs as we sit on bar stools facing eachother. The bar is full but to us there is no one else in the room... our laughter fills the room and our attraction is obvious...

As we are walking out, you not only open the door as I walk through but you also place your hand in the small of my back leading me towards your truck...I melt into your touch

Inside the truck we laugh and joke, buzzing off our hormones and alcohol...

Back and the hotel I ask if you want to come to my room for some drinks, the night isnt over quite yet is it?

In the elevator I am not sure if it is you or I who moves first but we are on eachother, pressed against the back wall, mouth to mouth,our tounges probing into the others mouth for the first time. your hand sliding down my thigh, my hands holding your face to mine... All I could think was to gasp for the breathe you stole away...

We exit the elevator and hand in hand can't make it to the door quick enough, stumbling, fumbling, laughing, not thinking about the morning...

The door opens and we fall inside shutting it behind us, instantly we are at eachother again, the newness taking every breathe we take... I am at the buttons on your shirt as you pull mine over my head. You pause to look at me, and smile in approval (something i haven't seen in so long)As you kiss my neck, my back pressed up against the wall, I start to undo your belt... There's a slight pause...

Are ou sure you want to do this?

Fuck yes! Let's go.

I run my hands over your chest as I pull your shirt off and you reach around me to unhook my bra. I am kissing your neck, you have my leg drawn up against you pressed to the wall, I can barely stand the excitment... Onto the bed we go... You are standing in front of me.. I finish pulling off your pants and you lean down to reach for mine... As you unbutton and unzip them I lift my hips off the bed allowing you to pull them off of me. The ultimate go ahead move. As we both stand there with barely anything on, we take the moment in... This is what has been missing isn't it?

I reach up and pull your face to mine, the taste of your kiss new, the feel of your back as I run my nails down it is incredible... The weight of your body on top of me, against me, something I never experianced... It takes my breathe away just imagining it.


Of course... there is more, this is not a true story but something that was discussed... the new exciting feeling that is missing from everyday life... The feeling of someone new undoing your belt, or unhooking your bra. The way you never forget the way someone's lips feel against yours or the way their tounge feels over your skin. How would my leg feel in your hand or how would my breast feel to you as it was pressed against your chest...

Miss it? Hell Yes... I get a lot of " we are married take your own clothes off..." Blah... I think I will keep em on, thanks.

Story

*** Strictly my side, of the story***

We talked online, we knew on a very basic level who each other were. I knew on a basic level that this was someone I could relate with in a world that was not going to be any fun. Everyone needs a battle buddy. Misery loves company.

He said he could pick me up at the airport in a strange town. A strange man pick me up in a strange place... should I take my chances? I did. We texted back and forth, and he said he would be sitting there when I landed... He was. Jeans, a ball cap, cell phone in hand to look busy, a nice smile and calm dark eyes, waiting and when I walked up he took my heaviest bag out of my hand....

We walked to his car and he opened the door on my side, perhaps to put the bag in, perhaps to open that side first to be the southren gentleman I later learned he was, it didn't matter... I could tell right away that he was someone I would enjoy being around.

We instantly started a conversation. Leaving shyness and uneasiness at the door... we talked the ENTIRE 50 minute ride, before he dropped me off...

15 minutes after he dropped me off, the power went out where I was... I was seconds from calling him... asking him to pick me up and let me stay in the hotel with him...

I didn't... I didn't trust myself... I didn't want to put him in an uncomfortable situation...

Hermes... That is how we met (Glad you like the name, jack and jill I do too, :))

I read a book

Yes, you heard it, from start to finish and it had nothing to do with Nursing school. I may also mention I started this book yesterday at noon and finished just minutes ago. It was Lone Survivor, a book about Operation Redwing, written by Marcus Luttrel the sole survivor when his SEAL team was ambushed in Afganistan. INCREDIBLE story! Amazing! Must read if you haven't.

Other than that, nothing new really. No new juicy emails. LOL.Kind of sad about it, hopefully I have at least something when I get to work tomorrow morning. He said he is okay with emailing me at work but not at home... hmmm... I have had a blog for 3 years without anyone knowing about it I am pretty sure I can keep a few emails quiet. Unless he is worried about the smile I had plastered on my face while I was reading them... damn...

Anyone know what happened to Will? I haven't heard from him and saw he hasn't been posting much...

But it was a nice day to curl up with a good book, enjoy a nice LONG relaxing bath, and some quality family time. Its back to work tomorrow, Oh what will the day bring. Good Night all.

That's how its GOT to be?

Had a nice day yesterday, had some friends over with their children to watch the UFC fight and it was a really nice time had by all. Good food, food fights, good conversation. Things are starting to get settled in here, starting to get more normal I guess.

I am feeling kind of down today, I declared today a Jama day for the kids and I meaning we don't change out of our pajamas, no leaving the house, just kind of veg and do some stuff here to take care of ourselves. I plan on filling up the tub and taking a long bath in the jets and enjoy some quality alone me time.

I recieved some news that kind of dampened my mood... Hermes doesn't really want to interfere with me... yeah well that's how it sounds. He thinks that perhaps he is the reason that Atlas and I have been having some difficult times. ITs difficult for me to get it all out there I think. He's not our problem, I think I am more our problem...

I know that our tifs, and arguments have all stemmed from something much deeper and bigger than this situation. There is just so much more to me than being a mom, and a wife. I miss the person I was so much. Being away from home allowed me to get back to me. To enjoy being me, to smile and laugh and not have to worry about impressing anyone because, hell if you don't like me there, chances are good I won't deal with you ever again.

Here's the kicker... people kinda liked the person that I am. I feel like I actually made some friends instead of the aquantainces from college or Atlas' friends wives (99 percent of which I can't stand). I am hard on women, I have a very high standard of what I want in a (girl)friend. I have a person like that in my life that fullfills that need, and I only talk to her once every 3 months or as needed. While I was there I was able to tell people stories and have them actually listen not just wait for thier turn to talk.

Now I am home, and life is.. back to usual, but I brought a little bit of ME back. I am not as shy and passive aggressive as I was. Perhaps therein falls the new issues that Atlas and I are having. I don't let him get his way everytime, I invited MY friends over and made him hang out with them. I am doing what I have to do first instead of what every has to do and staying up late to finish what I need to do. Its about time that someone put me first... and I am just the person to do it.

Saturday Blah

I went to bed too late, was up too early. Having a few people over the house tonight hopefully for some fun... Had an interesting night... had a few drinks played on the computer, talked to Hermes a bit via email. It was nice, to feel somewhat normal.

Woke up early and went and picked up a few things at the store, cleaned house, put stuff away, cleaned, now I am gonna go and starting cooking some food for later. I am minorly perfectionistic and I like things to be just so... perhaps that is why I am always pulled in 8000000 directions. I want to have my hands in a little of everything, I know if I do it, that it will be done correctly. I just wanted to touch base, get my voice heard... I am happy today. I am smiling...

Maybe not a Vengence... but back kind of:)

Okay, I have been working a lot and Atlas is on vacation which is making computer time.. eh... private computer time slim to NONE! WOW. So... here I am. Its late, a few glasses of wine in and I am feeling good, and comfortable...

For starters... I miss my mom... A LOT... like I pick up my phone everyday to call her... A LOT...

Next, I have a crush on said boy... silly silly girl. I know, I know, how funny. I think about him a lot, get excited to see an email from him ( yes reduced to email because Atlas is monitoring my phone and facebook). I just don't know if its mutual... and truly its not like it matters. I like feeling like this. I smile to myself and have no real reason why. I think I should give boy a name here... Let's call him... Hermes...

Next... I am emailing Hermes on the email account set up for this blog... The blog I have had for years that Atlas doesn't know about... Is that sneaky? Too sneaky? I mean I am not moving in any direction, its an outlet... hmmmm... Does it make me a bad person to feel this way because he is married or because I am married. We never acted on anything, we were both on far better behavior than 99 percent of people on a silimar situation would of been. But now, the emailing, the sneaking, the flirting... is it completely wrong or is it just normal. I won't lie, not on here at least, I am crushing on him, I miss his company... I miss him.

Next, I guess I missed the end of HNT? Oh man! I had some great ideas for the new year... I may need to find a new outlet? or just post some pictures as I go...

I will try more tomorrow, I am tired and gonna go to bed for tonight.

Back with a Vengence ;)

So I am back to blogging. I have moved to a new state and am working on settling into the next step, the next chapter so to say. 2012 will be a better year, it will be a year of that changes and a year of growing.

Story? Yes please.

I was away for 5 weeks, during this time away I met a boy. In situations like ours misery loves company so we stuck together. We had both been through very similar situations in the past, we knew what to expect, we got along, and we became friends. At times during training we were almost inseparable. He is married, children, all the things that go with that. He made no attempt to hide the fact that he was married and neither did I. We talked (slightly) about our spouses but more about our kids. We spent hours driving around, just the two of us. We were friends... are friends? We flirted... I think? There were situations that could of led themselves in any direction. Where did they all lead? To our separate rooms, down the hall from each other. I would lay in my bed, facing the ceiling wondering what he was thinking. How far would I allow things to go if he would make the first move. LOL... I know how lame right?

We would talk about what we were getting our spouses for Christmas, and our kids... we went out drinking one night, we stumbled back to our rooms, and sent a few random texts back and forth. It was nice to have that there. I miss it... I miss him.

Since I have been home, Atlas and I have fought, we fought while I was gone too. It was a new situation for both of us. I was never the one to leave home, he didn't deal well with it. He did so well with the kids and the house and getting us ready to move, and getting ready for the holidays but he didn't do well with me. He would get angry at me that I was gone, he was overly jealous, and mean about it... at one point calling me a heartless bitch on the phone. We had one big blow up once I got home, I sent a text message on Christmas, to said boy, to say merry christmas, ask how things were going, that was it, nothing weird funny or persausive... Atlas left... he left on Christmas, he didn'y come back till the next afternoon... I was mad, I didn't do anything wrong... I didnt deserve to be treated this way. Still even this morning he was online checking my phone usage on the website...

This is a start, there is more to it, but I have to go and start getting ready for work. I just wanted to get this out there... I will continue sooner than later.