That's how its GOT to be?

Had a nice day yesterday, had some friends over with their children to watch the UFC fight and it was a really nice time had by all. Good food, food fights, good conversation. Things are starting to get settled in here, starting to get more normal I guess.

I am feeling kind of down today, I declared today a Jama day for the kids and I meaning we don't change out of our pajamas, no leaving the house, just kind of veg and do some stuff here to take care of ourselves. I plan on filling up the tub and taking a long bath in the jets and enjoy some quality alone me time.

I recieved some news that kind of dampened my mood... Hermes doesn't really want to interfere with me... yeah well that's how it sounds. He thinks that perhaps he is the reason that Atlas and I have been having some difficult times. ITs difficult for me to get it all out there I think. He's not our problem, I think I am more our problem...

I know that our tifs, and arguments have all stemmed from something much deeper and bigger than this situation. There is just so much more to me than being a mom, and a wife. I miss the person I was so much. Being away from home allowed me to get back to me. To enjoy being me, to smile and laugh and not have to worry about impressing anyone because, hell if you don't like me there, chances are good I won't deal with you ever again.

Here's the kicker... people kinda liked the person that I am. I feel like I actually made some friends instead of the aquantainces from college or Atlas' friends wives (99 percent of which I can't stand). I am hard on women, I have a very high standard of what I want in a (girl)friend. I have a person like that in my life that fullfills that need, and I only talk to her once every 3 months or as needed. While I was there I was able to tell people stories and have them actually listen not just wait for thier turn to talk.

Now I am home, and life is.. back to usual, but I brought a little bit of ME back. I am not as shy and passive aggressive as I was. Perhaps therein falls the new issues that Atlas and I are having. I don't let him get his way everytime, I invited MY friends over and made him hang out with them. I am doing what I have to do first instead of what every has to do and staying up late to finish what I need to do. Its about time that someone put me first... and I am just the person to do it.