Its the first time in a long time

That I feel alone. Atlas went out to play poker and I feel like I am alone. He was going to go whether I said so or not. So him asking me permission was just a formality. He had it planned on Tuesday when "ed" who is actually a girl who likes to call Atlas "babe" mentioned a poker game on Saturday. He didn't go out last night because he wanted to go out tonight and he made a point early in the day of mentioning some stuff that was going on in the poker room tonight. So... then what... our children being horrible... nappped late wide awake, iced tea high... and he leaves me. Alone with the kids OUR kids... I decided next weekend its my turn. I will ask him... tell him,that I am going out and he is welcome to join me if HE can find a sitter...

I had a crown and coke so maybe I am talking out my ass but I am here alone. Sitting here watching some stupid movies... while my kids fight eachother over play doh and crayons that I didn't want to open in the first place. Wow. Sometimes I let people walk all over me. What would happen if for one day I stopped doing anyhting, if mom/wife went on strike. I looked out in the kitchen, dinner still in the crockpot, salad still sitting on the counter, dishes in the sink, juice boxes on the table... What if i just walked into my room and went to sleep. Bet when I woke up tomarrow it would all still be there... and it would all sit there until I was so tired of walking by it that I crossed the strike line and worked with the scabs...

Atlas thanked me tonight for dealing with him during this month. Its been a rough month at work for him and I have tried to help. I have dealt with his bad moods adapted and overcame. Next week he is away monday night and then the week after he is away for three days... I don't know if i am looking forward to a break or if I am going to miss him.

Sometimes I just feel like I need a break. Like there are so few people that understand me or what I am going through. I'm a 25 year old mother of two, wife of 6 years, 14 years away from retirement in my career... I don't fit in with the normal 25 year old and sometimes it just sucks. I can't just be a college kid, I can't just be his wife, I cna't just be their mother I have to be everyone's everything.

I look at my children and I well up with tears. I adore them, love them. They are such incredible creatures. Loving, genuine, truthful, full of life, no worries... I just am so in love with my children... then I look at people my age, people in movies ( okay bad example its not real) but still... I want to see things and do things and I am so tied down. If I decide i want to do something I not only have to find someone to watch the kids, I have to find someone to come and take care of the dogs, and the house, I have to make sure its okay for me not to go to class, I have to talk to my boss, I have to benc over backwards and kiss someone's ass just to leave the area...

Im jsut a little overwhelmed... overworked, underpayed, underapprecaited... maybe I am a little resentful... Atlas is out... playing poker... where the girl who runs it calls him "babe" all the TIME! (okay, its wrong but I read his text messages). If you really think its wrong of me ask for more information... I have my reasons. He works until 8/9pm every night and i am locked down at home...

Wow... maybe its too much for now. I'm sure its the alcohol in me but its something I need to get off my chest, at least online so that i can tuck it all back in before Atlas gets home tonight. Or maybe I should bring it up to him... Tell him I need more help, I need more from him... I need a break. Mom's going on strike... at least after the kids go to bed and until they wake up...

weekend preview

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Yeah that's about it. Well, we have some common household chores that we are going to try and knock out, but other than that adventures are kinda out this weekend. Easter Egg hunt for the kiddos at the local VFD that Atlas is a memeber of. Atlas has some work to catch up on on Saturday but maybe sunday we can squeeze in some alone time.

Sorry I haven't been posting HNT's recently. I've been pretty busy with school and dr appt on thursday but I should be good to go for this coming week. I had another follow up yesterday the surgeon took out my last set of stitches and gave me the okay to shower again... yes I have not showered in 2 weeks so that may also add to the lack of HNT pictures. sponge bathing does not make me feel sexy nor does taking a bath. I do enjoy a bubble bath every now and again but I have a hard time getting over the idea of sittin in your own dirt and skin flakes and whatever other bodily fluids, functions that were on your skin when you got in that hot steamy bubbly water. So, I'm feeling good again, got the okay to start working out again on Monday, wants me to be careful still, no jumping, no pushups but its a start. The swelling is pretty much subsided and I think I am about the size I will end up being. Its nice. and I am excited and happy I did it.

Its been awhile...

Having small children in the house sometimes makes it difficult to find quiet alone time to attack atlas. So last night after I put the kids both to bed with my grandma ( who lives with us) I brushed my teeth pulled up my hair washed my face put my hair down, brushed it and climbed into bed next to atlas. I grabbed one of my books and started to study for the test that I had today. Studying did not last long though. Atlas was on the computer on his side of the bed and I saw my oppertunity. He was much involved in what he was doing on the computer and I was ready to attack. He had the laptop balanced on one knee which was bent upward and the other lay flat. This was the proper position for me to go behind/ beneath the laptop and gently flick the tip of his cock. He moaned and i heard his tapping on the keyboard become slower and a bit labored. I was able to take each of his balls into my mouth one at a time and suck on them. I moved back to his cock and took it in my mouth. THe laptop closed and was set on the bedside table. His full attention was on what i was doing. His eyes rolled back as I moved over his cock. I climbed on top of him and slid him inside me. This is the first time since surgery that I have been on top during sex. He took the oppertunity to cup my breasts and flick my nipples with his tounge. I have to admit my breasts are a bit more sensitive since the surgery. Snensitive in a good way. So as we are really getting into it, we both hear it. Tiny fit on the tile in the kitchen heading our direction. Crying toddler on his way into our bed. So we stop... right there, right in the middle, what else is there to do. I pull on some clothes and go get my son and put him in bed next to me. He is asleep within 3 minutes. Now what, we are both unsatisfied and now there is a small child in our bed. Atlas guides me to the couch that is in front of our bed. He bends me over the couch and enters me from behind. It doesn't take long before we both cum. Me slightly before him. Its easy for me to cum when Atlas fucks me from behind. Its a good angle I love to feel his hand on my shoulders or hips.

So, not that its been awhile since we had sex just been awhile since I wrote about it. I really dislike being interrupted but with kids what can you do? I know its only a matter of time before they are grown enough that they won't want to be in our room and I take that in stride when they sneak into our room in the middle of the night. It won't last forever and I'm sure its something I will miss... well sometimes.

The healthcare reform bill passed... great... so now what... I am interested to see how this effects me and my family. I am upset about it and I will make sure to cast my votes in movemeber against the congressmen and women in my case that voted yes. THe congressmen(women) in the area voted 2 yes and 2 no. So I know who I am voting for then. I am making Chicken and Dumplings for dinner and Atlas and I are starting our INsanity workout tonight. THere is a hockey game on tonight!!! YAY! I love hockey.

I went to Lowes today in between my classes. I had a few things I wanted to pick up. If I was single Lowes is definatley the place to go to pick up men in the middle of the day.. Hell I probbaly could of picked up a couple of them today if I wanted. Some older gentlemen asked me if I needed any help ( he didn't work there). i said, "No thanks, I think I got it under control" he replied " I like a woman who has everything under control" LOL Thanks. I bought some landscaping rocks, some hinges, and latches, some spackling, and some more seeds. Our spring projects are underway. We did get the goats fence up on Saturday but it is not in working order quite yet, 3 days in the sun charging before we can use it. So I will let you know how it goes.

Don't talk politics or religon

In a bar... I used to bartend prior to my current career. But this isn't a bar. I usually do not get too involved in politics or politians but this healthcare reform blows my mind. I see bad things on the horizon and I am young enough to see bad things in the future for this. My current career gives me great insurance, full coverage for everything, perscriptions, hopitalizations, well appointments, whatever. So I have yet to understand life without insurance. I'm sure its horrible. I'm sorry that some people can not afford to go to the doctors but I do not think that universal healthcare is the right direction to take. Its going to cause a huge(er) national deficet. Its going to cause issues for my children. I just wanted to vent a little. I know there is nothing that I can do now, the vote is about to happen, and its too late. What a scam.

Tuesday evening blahs

I went to school on Monday and today. I came home sorer yesterday than I did today. I came home monday, took my antibiotics, a pain pill, took the wraps off and just sat naked on the couch. My daughter came in and noticed I still have not gotten off all the marker from the sides of my breasts and told me that I shouldn't draw on myself that papa would be angry. It made me laugh and made my day. What a precious little creature my daughter is. Today I came home, loaded the dishwasher, the laundry, and planted some herbs, spices, and flowers. The weather is finally breaking and it won't be long befor I can get the flowers and veggies in the ground. We have a lot of projects for this spring and summer. We need to build out goats a new home as the snow this winter has caved in part of the roof in our small barn. We also want to fence them to 3 acres because I am tired of them pooping on my sidewalk. Any ideas about the best way to fence in goats? They aren't meat or diary goats, they are really just pets. I also want to get chickens because I love fresh eggs but I do not want chicks, I just want to start with something that is laying eggs not something else I need to raise. We did chickens once before, we ended up with about 80 of them in the freezer which was delish. We also did turkey which didn't work out as well since a cyote got in the coop and killed our tom. We have to get the garden back up. I have a hottub I need to get rid of, a 3800sqft deck that needs pressure washed and stained and did i mention I live in a log home that needs washed, sealed and stained this spring... Yep... big plans big plans... I also am in the hunt for a new rifle.

I am feeling good, boobs are looking great, I cleaned out my bra drawer today, and thursday I should be able to shower, and buy new bras. YAY!!!! I'm excited to get some brandy new lingerie and bathing suits!!! Atlas and I are also going to start a new workout program. Have you seen the late night Insanity infomercial?? yeah that one. Got it from a friend of a friend for cheaper than they sell if for online. We are going to start it monday, there is some stuff I wont be able to do right away while I am recovering but I can do the abs, and pylometric stuff, I just need to be careful with the jumping bouncing and arm work outs for a couple more weeks.

Day 3 Post Op

I'm feeling really good today. I did take 2 small naps during the day and spent more time than usual on the couch but feeling pretty good. I took off the bandages and let the girls out for a while today too. Atlas asked our daughter if she noticed anything differnt about mama and she said " she has marker on her, and you told us not to play with markers." So cute and so strange that she didn't mention the increase in my bust. Our son just wanted to touch them and asked if he could nurse again. Also cute, but strange that seeing large breasts on me makes him want to nurse. I also got the guts to measure myself while Atlas ran to the store. I was worried it was going to come out to a 36DDD. Not that there is anything wrong with that but it would look slightly silly on me. I am a 36 Full C small D. I am super excited because that it the exact size I was going for. I even have bras from before that should still fit me. I did manage to get some homework done today and plan on knocking out more Saturday and Sunday. I did plan on spending the majority of spring break doing homework but I was not feeling like doing homework this week. Go figure. But I'm doing well, feeling good, and taking it easy.

Updates

Today I am feeling a lot better than I was yesterday. Took some pain meds after dinner but that was also after doing a load of laundty and making spaghetti, picking up my son and watching the hockey game. Other than being sore I really am feeling wuite well. I got to see the new girls for the first time today.
I was kind of horrified at first, being wrapped tightly in an ace bandage for 2 days does not do a body good, however after only a few minutes my bust was settling where it should. They looked like mountains at first looking down then I looked in the mirror. It was almost the exact size they were while I was breastfeeding. A little bigger but I am swollen. I am not black and blue, or bruised. Since I left the Dr. I still have one wrap lightly around my chest but man, they look. My right breast is a bit firmer and feels a bit tighter. I guess that is because naturallt that breast was always smaller so to compensate the implant was larger and that breast never really did get anywhere near the same size as the other. So far I am really really impressed adn I believe that it will only get better. I still feel a bit swollen, between the IV fluids and how much water I drank I think I have some serious fluid to lose but nothing I am worried about right now. I just want to heal and get back to normal new boobies and all. I will get some pictures soon!!!

I made it.

So I am home and in bed, ate dinner, beenup to the bathroom and I am feeling rather okay. My chest isn't really sore, but my heels, my left arm and the beck of my head are... I guess they aren't real good with surgical positioning. Everything went rather well, I was there at 615, filled out some papers, talked with the doc, he marked my chest, then talked with anesthesia and at around 815 I walked to the surgical suite. I got on the table they started an IV and I really don't remember anything after that. I remember waking up in recovery, I was dressed and sitting in a wheel chair, no idea how I got there or dressed, shoes and all. I zoned the entire way home, couldn't walk straight coming in the door so Atlas basically carried me. When I got in the door I didn't make it past the kitchen sink before I threw up. Well, at least it was in the sink and it was only water... I hadn't eaten since yesterday at dinner. I got to bed, and passed out, in and out of it. Atlas brought me dinner, and refilled my water twice, he helped me to the bathroom and basically watched over me. I just looked at my implants cards to see what the fill volume was and he went slightly larger than we had first discussed which I am okay with.
I think the complaint that I heard the most when doing research was " I should have gone bigger". I am wrapped with an ace bandage and other bandages so I will not get to see my new girls until Thursday when I go in for my follow up. Im super excited and feeling pretty good minus the sorness from the poor positioning.

Surgery updated

I just got a call from my Surgeon and he asked me if I would be able to come in at 615am instead of 2pm. He said it would work out better for everyone. I jumped at that chance because although I am sure I would be able to go without eating from midnight tonight till after surgery I am a fat kid at heart I am really love to eat. Soooo... getting closer, got the house spic and span and I am on my way drop off the kiddos. Thanks for the good wishes!

Busy week last week Busty week this week

So tomarrow is the big day. Literally the big day. Last week was pretty full and that is my excuse for not being on here a lot. I had papers to write, midterms to study for as well as an arsenal of things to complete around the house. We usually have a rather large garden and my daughter and I spent a day starting our seeds. After the puppy fanasco we spend a day scrubbing walls in a basement room that was used as a kennel, that job still continues as we will be patching holes today and hopefully Atlas will pain the room while he is off this week.

Atlast went to work today but it is his last day for the week. I drop the kids off at my mom's tonight and I don't have surgery until 2pm tomarrow afternoon. By then I will have the house completely in order. I have two big trays of lasanga, bought new pillows, made ice packs. I will finish up the laundry and the household chores this evening before dropping off the kids and then I plan on spending the night making love, and enjoying a night alone before I am sore tomarrow. I'm quite excited and I'm not making any secret about it. I have talked to most of my family... except my dad about it and everyone seems pretty supportive, and a couple have even seeemed a bit jealous.

The weekend

Friday night was a blast. Atlas came home from work early, we cooked steaks on the grill (in the snow again), baked potatoes, asparagus, homemade rolls and a bottle of blackberry wine. Shortly after dinner we had the children showered and into bed with grandma. Sweet, we popped in Paranomal Activity and crawled into bed. It wasn't a great movie, but it wasn't bad. It was a little too Blair Witch Project for me but what the heck. Mid movie Atlas dove under the covers and attacked me. In my mildly inebraiated state I came rather quickly. Atlas has learned that unless he wants to hold me down, trying to immediately progress past my first orgasm is pretty useless because I squirm and buck and I'm just overly too sensitive to continue to be licked adn flicked and whatever else he is doing. So I decided while I was recovering that I would return the favor. I rolled him onto his back and began to suck his cock. He leaned his head back and closed his eyes. He reached over and stuck two fingers inside of me and then he wrapped his hand around his cock. When I took his fingers in my mouth he had had enough and he grabbed my hips and placed me on top of him. I slid him deep inside me and rode him reverse cowgirl until again Atlas rolled me onto my back and climbed on top of me. He fucked me hard and for longer than I expected. I thought that he was nearing the end when he rolled me onto my back but I was pleasantly surrpised. The angle that he was entering me was extremely pleasurable and I came shortly before he did. He rolled to my side and we happened to catch the end of the movie. I fell asleep shortly after that. When i woke up Atlas was already in the process of attacking me. I was sound asleep when he pulled my shorts down to my knees and entered me from behind. I could hear our children scamper across the floor in the kitchen but it felt so good to have him again that I couldn't keep my mouth closed. Atlas reached around and cupped his hand over my mouth which just made it hotter. One hand over my mouth, one working on my clit... Atlas is so good at multitasking... heheh. After all of that I cleaned myslef up and made breakfast, bacon eggs, and toast. Atlas went outside to plow the driveway... again... The rest of the day was spent in doing not much of anything.
Watched the Curious Case of Benajamin Button, *waste of 3 hours* made venison roast in homemade saurkraut and mashed potatoes for dinner and I went to sleep rather early. Atlas went over to the Firehall to play cards for a bit. He was home before I got up to go to the bathroom at 2 and he had money in his pocket so it was a good evening.

Last night however was one of the few times that I get frustrated with Atlas. Maybe he portrays what I say the wrong way, maybe I portray what he says the wrong way, either way it just gets frustrating sometimes. I was quite horny last night. I wanted Atlas like you wouldn't believe. I told him that I was just going to take it, he just had to lay there, that he didn't even have to enjoy it. He denied me. Asked me not to, said he was tired, he had to be up early, it was late, blah blah blah blah, every excuse possible. I said "I'll be quick" His reply was "You aren't ever really quick"... true statement, it does take me a while to get there sometimes but lets face it, at least I get there. my reply, "its 90 percent mental. sometimes I just need to concentrate on it" That too is true, I can be really really enjoying sex and I will hear a weird noise, the kids, the dogs, and i concerntrate on something else for a minute and i've lost it. "So you are thinking about other things when we are having sex?" Atlas asked... What is my reply to that? Yes Atlas, sometimes after a long day of cleaning and cooking adn taking care of children, adn going to school, or whatever else I have to do that particular day I am still thinking about something else when we are having sex. When I have a big exam or a million and a half things to do the next day I took am not concentrating on exactly what is going on.... So at that the horniness that I had was extinguished. I got out of bed, put on pajamas and went and got a glass of tea, took a benadryl, and laid down in bed... When I woke up this morning Atlas was already getting ready to walk out the door, "Sorry I didn't hump you lst night." "No problem, I took care of it on my own." Which I didn't I simply went to sleep. " I figured as much." "Someone had to." We both laughed, kissed and he went off to work.