Weekend review

I am sure that i could find something more productive to do with this time. My oldest at preschool, my youngest running around with a strawberry rice crispie treat, and in her room, dogs all behaving. I should be doing some homework, or laundry, or dishes or vaccuum this mornings mess but I can't. I just don't feel like it.

This weekend was not productive and really nothing spectacular. It was like a step backward in the progress that Atlas and I have been making. Friday night we had planned a date night but when the sitter fell through we found ourselves sitting on the couch in our bedroom. 8 o'clock and the kids are all asleep in grams bed, Atlas and I are alone. I didn't really feel like just sitting at home and Atlas suggested we just run up the street to a small bar and have a few drinks. I let gram know and we snuck away. The main goal of the night was to get out and enjoy ourselves but before we even got our sandwiches Atlas says, "My dad and everyone are going on a quad trip the week after Easter." "Yea," I said already feeling the tears well up in my eyes just thinking about it. " Yea, that means I can go too or yeah we'll talk about it later." "Yeah we will talk about it later." I didn't want to talk about it, not there, not then, I wanted to have a good time, I wanted to be away from the house and the kids and enjoy eachother but he pushed on. " I figured we could go on vacation the week before anywhere you want and then come back for easter and then I could go with my dad". He always throws in with his dad because I am a sucker for family bonding. "What about the kids." "What about them? We will take them with us." " What kind of vacation is that? If I go on vacation I don't want to chase around a 2 year old or listen to my 4 year old who never stops talking." " I thought it sounded like a good deal, in March you get your boobs done and in April I can go on this trip." Wow, he is already using it against me and I haven't even seen a doctor I have just simply talked about it. The first thing that I have ever wanted to do for myself and he is alreayd using it against me. " I don't wnat to talk about it here." I could feel my face getting red, I was angry, embarressed, and hurt. " When is it my turn, Atlas? Since we have had children I haven't had a break, not a weekend away without at least one of them attatched to my hip." " Well, if I had tits then it would be an issue but I don't." He is referring to the fact that I breastfed our children for four years straight! My daughter didn't give it up until my son was born and my son just stopped in October which is when my daughter turned 4. Since we have had children Atlas has taken multiple bow fishing trips, multiple fishing trips, quad riding trips, as well as being separated on a regular basis for months at a time do to our profession. Everytime I am left, home alone, with our children. " I don't want to talk about it now" and with that it was dropped. I found myself drunk enough by the end of the night to stumble home adn strip my clothes off on the way to our bed. Right as we were starting to get comfortable our youngest comes running into the room, he climbs in bed between us and falls quickly back asleep. Well... We moved down to the couch and finished our business there. After I cleaned myself up I went to lay in bed. Atlas walked to the side of our bed, " Do you care if I go play for alittle while" I looked up, more drunk than asleep... " You didn't have to take me out, get me drunk and screw me just so you could go play tonight. You know I don't care." He kissed my forehead as I passed out. I awoke at 5am to Atlas crawling into bed. He smelled of cigars and poker room. I rolled over our kids would be up within an hour or so and someone has to be a parent.

Saturday came and went with nothing spectular. We picked up Atlas' quad from the shop where it has sat since his last quad trip that blew up the engine. We stopped at his parents "farm" and hung out with his father and uncle. It was a nice day, it was really cold out and the only thing keeping us warm was a woodburner by the time we got home the children were both whooped and quickly changed into pajamas and went to sleep. Atlas dyed my hair, I showered and we watched a movie. When the movie was over I rolled over and he rubbed my back. I fell asleep. I felt Atlas lean over the bed. " Can I go play?" I just aved my hand at him and hardly remember him asking. I woke at 430 when he shut our bedroom door. Sunday is traditionally his day to wake uo with the kids but I knew it wasn't going to happen. I woke up with the kids and made a great breakfast. Some of our friends came over to watch hockey and the probowl. It was a nice day, Atlas fell asleep on the floor with our company still here around 8. They took that as their cue to leave. I woke Atlas up and we went to bed.